Meteorologists, insurance executives, military officials, and first responders around the world are frantically purchasing Sharpies pens by the crate. Apparently, the arms race for Sharpies has been triggered by President Trump, when he used one to move the trajectory of a hurricane. Sharpie stock prices soared to record levels on heavy trading on the big board on Wall Street.
According to stock analysts and intelligence officials, everyone wants a Sharpie, and production at their Illinois factory is unable to meet demand because the potential uses are unlimited. For instance, military officials believe Sharpies can be used to move a hurricane toward enemies and away from allies. Insurance executives want the all-powerful Sharpie to steer hurricanes away from properties they insure. "We can collect premiums and never pay a dime in benefits. Damn, this is giving me goose bumps!" said insurance executive, Wanda Huertas.
Not to be outdone, a rival Ticonderoga pencil maker has announced plans to enter the disaster avoidance business using its well known Number 2 pencil. "For decades students have used our Number 2 pencil and eraser to avoid a wrong answer on a scanner test. Why not take it another step and design our pencils to prevent a tornado?" Ticonderoga President, Mike Smith, said.
President Trump quickly took credit for the increase in manufacturing jobs, and noted both companies are American. "Moving hurricanes, moving markets, creating jobs, Making American Great Again. That's what I do ALL day long."