Harry Maguire To Be Britain's Next Prime Minister?

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Friday, 20 September 2019

image for Harry Maguire To Be Britain's Next Prime Minister?
Things would be a bit more black-and-white if Harry Maguire were PM

When Boris Johnson lied to the Queen about the prorogation of Parliament last week, and was then 'found out', it was the death knell for the egotistical, shock-headed prime minister who, if he'll lie to Her Majesty, cannot surely be trusted to tell the truth to anyone.

An early exit, stage right, for Mr. Johnson, then.

But who to replace him? Who would take the job on?

Possibly, only one man in England - Jacob 'Harry' Maguire.

Despite the Manchester United and England star's complete lack of political knowledge and experience, he certainly fares no worse than Johnson in this respect, for the latter has done nothing but lie and cheat to the electorate for as long as anyone can remember - and this tends not to be popular.

In contrast, Maguire is the fresh-faced hero, who, rock-like, stood manfully as England's last man during the World Cup in Russia, and is currently marshalling events at the centre of the Manchester United defence, unflustered, and fully in control.

A cool head on his strong, assured broad shoulders.

Maguire isn't one to panic, or to make rash decisions, either. He doesn't say one thing, and mean another, or, as in Johnson's case, the opposite. No ridiculous statements to the press, in Parliament, on the TV, or to the public; just calm common sense, which is what the country needs.

Said Maguire:

"I've absolutely no idea how to go about it, but I wouldn't shirk from serving the country in its hour of need. I'd do my utmost to give the people what they want, I'd always act in their collective interest, and - on my salary - don't need to pander to the super-rich that run things for their own benefit, as present politicians do."

He finished by saying:

"My door would always be open to everyone, and I'd listen to others' concerns. I value other people's opinions, and am willing to learn about things I don't know about, from people who do. I'm always willing to listen to advice, and to learn.

"I'd be the voice of reason, rather than, like Mr. Johnson, the voice of treason."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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