Faith Healing Rebrands as Holistic Health Remedy

Written by Chrissy Benson

Sunday, 15 September 2019

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The medical effectiveness of the holistic health remedy of prayer rivals even that of the laying of hands.

Turning around a near-century-long slump in new customer acquisitions, proponents of healing via faith, prayer, and the laying of hands have successfully rebranded their variety of spiritual ministration as a holistic health remedy.

"There's no reason miracles shouldn't be mainstream," said holistic health practitioner Reverend Lucas Wilson-Jones, who offers alternative medicinal treatment in a community setting every Sunday morning at 10:30 a.m. at Master Hands Christian Church in Nashville, Tennessee. "People no longer have to be limited by science. We empower them to demand more."

Wilson-Jones emphasized, too, that his prayer remedy is not only holistic, but holy. "And it works," he said. "Ask anyone."

With the increase in demand forĀ faith-based holistic health remedies, of course, has also come a regrettable increase in cost.

"They're still totally free," said Wilson-Jones. "But we've rebranded tithing to mean twenty percent of income. We think that's fair."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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