Rebranding Rebrands as Self-Determination

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 16 September 2019

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Rebranding has gotten a much-needed facelift in the form of self-determination.

Responding to the pushback against the increasingly commercialized nature of our society, rebranding has rebranded as self-determination - to fabulous results.

"Self-determination is blowing previous marketing models out of the water," said marketing professional Evan Sedgeway, who helped self-determine flailing restaurant Fatback Steakhouse as low-carb hotspot Keto Shack. "The verdict is in: self-determination is where it's at."

As Sedgeway explained it, the mark of individual greatness has historically been the ability to reinvent oneself. "If you're determined to revitalize your brand, you're self-determining. There's nothing more American than that."

But what, precisely, can self-determination offer savvy sellers that the old rebranding can't?

"Freshness," said Sedgeway. "People whose brand has become stagnant or stale are reluctant to do something for a second time, especially when the first time didn't yield the results they'd hoped for. The concept of redoing something, even something as powerful as branding, just didn't appeal. Self-determination takes the 're' out of rebranding."

And by all accounts, the rebranding is working like a charm. Since its rebranding as self-determination, what was formerly known as rebranding has experienced an upsurge of strospheric proportions.

"Anyone who's anyone is doing it," said Sedgeway. "There's nothing as motivating as living in a marketing culture. We're very lucky, and we should never forget that."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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