United States to Annex State of Anxiety

Written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 9 September 2019

image for United States to Annex State of Anxiety
Americans are expected to acclimatize well to their new, permanent state of Anxiety.

Not to be deterred by his failed bid to purchase Greenland, United States President, Donald Trump, recently announced that the nation will be annexing the 51st state - specifically, the state of Anxiety.

"Rich in natural resources like indigenous peoples, fossil fuels and timber, Anxiety is a prime acquisition for the United States of America," said Trump.

In what Trump says was a move to save taxpayers money, the president's  personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, handled the government acquisition.

According to Trump, Anxiety boasts pristine hiking trials and towering forests, and he encouraged Americans to make a visit soon, if they're not already spending a great deal of time in Anxiety. Tourists are warned, however, to keep an eye out for falling trees, as Trump has already rolled back regulations prohibiting logging in the area.

"They'll see a lot of fluorescent orange jackets and at any moment may hear someone yelling, 'Timber!' just before everything comes crashing down around them," said Trump. "I think Americans will feel very comfortable there."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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