Harry Maguire Female Fans Plan To Sling Their Knickers Onto Old Trafford Pitch

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 12 September 2019

image for Harry Maguire Female Fans Plan To Sling Their Knickers Onto Old Trafford Pitch
Part of the Barry Manilow collection

Manchester United's Harry Maguire has caused a panic after announcing that he would play Saturday's match against his former club, Leicester City, at Old Trafford, wearing with no underpants.

His words prompted members of his female fanclub to respond that they would provide him with pairs of their own underwear, so that he wouldn't catch a chill.

Many women took to social media platforms to say that they would emulate female audiences at Tom Jones concerts, who launch their - often unwashed - underwear onto the stage in front of the hunky Welsh singer, who then takes the wholly inappropriate action of sniffing them.

One female fan, Joyce Minger, said:

"I can't wait to launch my knickers at Harry! He's such a hunk!"'

Another, Janice Halitosis, said:

"I'm going to wear mine all week, then chuck them on Harry's face at the weekend!"

Old Trafford stewards have been warned to search women's bags, and to confiscate any grotty dung hampers they might discover therein.

Groundstaff with pitchforks are on standby.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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