There have been 160 spoof news stories published in March 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Trump Advises Netanyahu on Avoiding Prison

Benjamin Netanyahu, Israel's Prime Minister, faces a possible trial on charges of bribery, fraud and corruption after his attorney general announced that he would file for an indictment. Seeking advice from someone who's been there, he reached out to...

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Weightlifter Drops Dumbbell On His Face Due To Severe Depression While Song, "Dust In The Wind," Plays In The Background

Funny story: Weightlifter Drops Dumbbell On His Face Due To Severe Depression While Song, "Dust In The Wind," Plays In The Background

Wisconsin. On the morning of Tuesday, February 26th, local Prairie du Chien resident, Tom Smith, 39, dropped a 50-pound dumbbell on his face while doing heavy incline presses at a gym several blocks down the street from where he lives. Feeling...

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Indian Fighter Pilot To Captain Cricket Team Against Pakistan In World Cup

Funny story: Indian Fighter Pilot To Captain Cricket Team Against Pakistan In World Cup

Indian fighter pilot, Abhinandan Varthaman, the man captured then released by Pakistan after his bombing raid went wrong, has been praised by millions on social media, and has been awarded the highest accolade known to Indians - he is to be allowed t...

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R Kelly Reckons He Can Fly

Funny story: R Kelly Reckons He Can Fly

Pop musician, R Kelly, currently at the center of an underage sex scandal, has today been undergoing psychiatric tests as a consequence of his repeated insistence of his belief that he can fly. Kelly was charged with ten counts of aggravated crimi...

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Chicken Ran Irresponsibly Across Road

Funny story: Chicken Ran Irresponsibly Across Road

A chicken has been warned about its cavalier behavior after it was almost the cause of a road accident on a country road on the outskirts of Battambang yesterday evening. The chicken, a scraggy, skinny black thing, thoughtlessly ran out into the r...

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Trans female athletes highly prized by college recruiters

Funny story: Trans female athletes highly prized by college recruiters

Following record-setting performances by trans female high school athletes across the country, college recruiters are taking notice of the impact these athletes are having on women’s sports. “Well, what we’re seeing is nothing short of a revolutio...

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Man Almost Choked To Death On Fishbone, But Not Quite

Funny story: Man Almost Choked To Death On Fishbone, But Not Quite

A man enjoying a lovely plate of fish and chips was rudely interrupted from his evening repast, by one of the aforementioned marine creature's small-but-potentially-fatal bones, which lodged itself in the eater's gullet. Myke Woodson, who eats fis...

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Alcoholic, Chain-Smoking, Famous Author Dies at 56

Funny story: Alcoholic, Chain-Smoking, Famous Author Dies at 56

Internationally famous author, Charles B. Hardon, died horribly outside of his Florida home last Monday at 4:30 in the morning after experiencing hours upon hours of excruciating physical pain and unbearable torment. An autopsy revealed that he wa...

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A Foreign Policy Post Mortem: Why the Trump-Un Talks Really Failed

Funny story: A Foreign Policy Post Mortem: Why the Trump-Un Talks Really Failed

According to evidence gathered by Politico, Mother Jones Magazine, and the New York Times, and corroborated by TMZ and Eddy’s Weekly Shopper, the failure of the United States and North Korea to reach an agreement has little to do with a quid pro quo...

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Earth Day at Machu Picchu Went Badly

Machu Picchu, Peru. An American Peace Corps project designed to produce abundant and inexpensive electricity to this remote region of the Peruvian Andes has gone awry, threatening the existence of this ancient Inca city, and causing a mass exodus int...

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Man Feels That People Are Talking Behind His Back

Funny story: Man Feels That People Are Talking Behind His Back

A man who has attracted the attention of other people in connection with things he is doing, and the extent to which he is doing them, has become 'concerned' that they are all talking behind his back, like pussies. The man, who spoke to a colleagu...

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Indian Fighter Pilot's Handlebar Moustache Has Strange Mystical Powers

Funny story: Indian Fighter Pilot's Handlebar Moustache Has Strange Mystical Powers

Abinhandan Varthaman, the pilot of the Indian Airforce plane which was shot down over Pakistani airspace last week, before he was freed at the weekend, has spoken about his outrageous handlebar moustache, which, he claims, has a strange, mystical aur...

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US State Department Offers $10million 'Bounty' On Bin Laden Junior

Funny story: US State Department Offers $10million 'Bounty' On Bin Laden Junior

World policeman, the United States of America, has taken it upon itself to, once again, do what it thinks it is entitled to do, to think for every man and woman, and to make decisions on behalf of every living soul on the planet, in order to ensure c...

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Lions Attack Zebras Again

Funny story: Lions Attack Zebras Again

In what's become an almost regular occurrence in some parts of Africa, a group of zebras has been attacked by a pride of lions this morning, leaving two dead. The attack took place in northern Tanzania where the animals tend to hang out. The zebra...

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Man In Boardroom Smelt It, But Had Not Dealt It

Funny story: Man In Boardroom Smelt It, But Had Not Dealt It

A man in a boardroom meeting has told how he became aware of an odious smell that had nothing to do with him. Michael Brackley, 26, an executive trainee at Pratley-Whiffer Marketing Consultants explained that he was in a group policy meeting on ma...

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International Women's Day Passes Off Without Incident

Funny story: International Women's Day Passes Off Without Incident

The annual International Women's Day celebrations got off to a bright-and-breezy early start today, with many women merely carrying on with their normal daily routines. In New York, housewife Barbara Oppression got busy with some ironing, before w...

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Man Who Eats A Lot Of Fish Develops A Hankering For The Sea

Funny story: Man Who Eats A Lot Of Fish Develops A Hankering For The Sea

A man who eats an astonishing amount of fish and chips for his tea, has revealed how, recently, he has experienced a strange, burning inner passion to live in the sea. Moys Kenwood, 55, eats a plate of fish and chips, on average, four times a week...

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"Increase Birth Rate," "Sex Vacations" - Goals of White Ultranationalists

Lausanne, Switzerland. Special to The Spoof. At this week's international conference of white ultranationalists from Europe, North America and other primarily white areas, the overwhelming concern of delegates was the low birth rate associated with t...

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Cat Attack Caught On Video

Funny story: Cat Attack Caught On Video

A series of incidents in Denver involving a seemingly deranged cat is a step nearer to being solved tonight, after yet another unprovoked attack on a young child was caught on video. The cat, a black one, apparently lays in wait in bushes or long...

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Man Suffers Multiple Injuries After Ride In Tuk Tuk

Funny story: Man Suffers Multiple Injuries After Ride In Tuk Tuk

A man is recovering at home this morning, after a bonecrushing ride in a Tuk Tuk yesterday, left him with injuries in places he didn't know you could be injured. Moys Kenwood, 55, of Tapon commune, was in Battambang town center with his family, an...

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The REAL Reason the Marshall Kim Jong-Un and President Donald Trump Talks Broke Down

Funny story: The REAL Reason the Marshall Kim Jong-Un and President Donald Trump Talks Broke Down

Saigon, Vietnam Although the world was left wondering why Trump left the North Korean-U.S. Disarmanent Talks early is because there was an incident that was kept secret. While many news agencies went along with the idea that Kim was soft on givin...

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Bruce Lee Film Featured Villain Who Was Double Of 'World Of Sport' Dickie Davies

Funny story: Bruce Lee Film Featured Villain Who Was Double Of 'World Of Sport' Dickie Davies

A TV viewer in Southeast Asia has reported an incident in which, during a movie he was watching, starring martial arts expert, Bruce Lee, he became aware of the presence of a villain in the film, who bore an uncanny likeness to the former 'World of S...

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The Last Straw: Environmentalists ban Plastic Ones

Berkeley, CA. Those far-left, socialist-environmentalists at the University of California can't stop banning popular, useful things. Fresh from their success in banning the deliberately misnamed "single use" plastic bag, most of which were used multi...

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This Country Declares War On That One

Funny story: This Country Declares War On That One

After mounting tension over the last two weeks between the two countries, fighting finally broke out along the border, and a declaration made at 3pm this afternoon, was that This Country is at war with That One. Hostilities then commenced in earne...

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Man Didn't Get Out Of His Pyjamas For Three Days

Funny story: Man Didn't Get Out Of His Pyjamas For Three Days

We've all had them, those days when we just don't feel like doing anything, and sit around in our pyjamas all day long. One man, however, took this to the extreme at the weekend, when he didn't get out of his bedclothes for nearly three days! The...

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Former Cowboy Takes to Vegan Living like a Horse to Oats

Funny story: Former Cowboy Takes to Vegan Living like a Horse to Oats

Never one to worry about bucking a system or two, Clay Rogers, a former cowboy living in Butte, Montana, has taken to his new plant-based diet like a horse to oats, literally - he eats the steel-cut variety every morning for breakfast. “Been a rea...

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Michael Cohen gets Hollywood Blvd Star

Hollywood, CA. The Bored Directors - yes, that's what they call themselves - of the famed Hollywood Walk of Fame, voted today to place a star on the fabled sidewalk in recognition of Michael "Flip" Cohen's unequaled performance before House and Senat...

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Man On Park Bench Ruminates On Whether Or Not It's Worth Going On

Funny story: Man On Park Bench Ruminates On Whether Or Not It's Worth Going On

A man sitting alone on a park bench was witnessed looking glum today, whilst ruminating on his sad existence, his place in society, and whether or not it was worth dragging his pathetic life out any longer. Or, at least, that's what it seemed like to...

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Shamima Begum Arrives Back In UK On Fake Passport

Funny story: Shamima Begum Arrives Back In UK On Fake Passport

Shamima Begum, the girl who left Bethnal Green in London in 2015 to join ISIS forces in Syria, when she was only 15 years old, and whose British citizenship was rescinded by the UK government, has arrived safely back in the country on a fake passport...

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Shamima Begum Has Been Fitted For Some Clogs

Funny story: Shamima Begum Has Been Fitted For Some Clogs

Shamima Begum, the 19-year-old former ISIS bride who has had her British citizenship rescinded by the UK government, is to go and live in Holland, and has been fitted for some clogs. She is a whopping size 11. Shamima, which means 'tulips', is...

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Pink's Hubby Turns to Old-Style Parenting

In a surprising video posted by Carey Hart, husband of singer Pink, their daughter Willow enthusiastically attacks numerous pink balloons with a very sharp knife. While Hart has been widely criticized for allowing Willow to play with a knife, he's al...

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University Challenge Staircase Collapses, Leaving Team Stranded 'Upstairs'

Funny story: University Challenge Staircase Collapses, Leaving Team Stranded 'Upstairs'

There was chaos on the set of University Challenge last night, when the staircase, which has always allowed one team to sit in an elevated position above their rivals - as seen on TV - collapsed, leaving one team high and dry. The contest, between...

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Movie Outs Michael As King Of Poop

Funny story: Movie Outs Michael As King Of Poop

Hollywood, Ca - (Ass Mess): A new film about King Michael says he wiped his arse on the criminal justice system and dumped all over the constitution of the United Snakes. Shot on location at an LA propofol factory the hour-long docu-drama examines...

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Stress Massage Therapist Tells Iowa Resident To Consume Massive Amounts Of Beer And Tobacco After 90-Minute Healing Session

Funny story: Stress Massage Therapist Tells Iowa Resident To Consume Massive Amounts Of Beer And Tobacco After 90-Minute Healing Session

Davenport, Iowa. Unlike most professional stress massage therapists who recommend drinking water in order to stay hydrated and physically healthy after intense healing sessions designed to produce muscle relaxation while calming internal tension, Su...

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Trump Issues Executive Order Forming "The Comedy Police"

Funny story: Trump Issues Executive Order Forming "The Comedy Police"

President Trump today went before the cameras in the White House to announce a new police strike force. He claims its main purpose will be to defend him against collusion between the left and SNL. "Today I'm taking action against factions who wou...

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Trump and Kim Jong Un Both Pregnant

Funny story: Trump and Kim Jong Un Both Pregnant

Before cameras rolling, in full view of the world, Donald Trump and Kim Jong Un shook hands, belly-bumped, and, through some catastrophic collision of the two jelly bellies, a Nightingale Sang In Berkeley Square, and now both men are pregnant. And it...

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Mayor Brags that NYC Only Fifth-Worst City to Live In

Funny story: Mayor Brags that NYC Only Fifth-Worst City to Live In

New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio proudly announced that according to a recent U.S. News and World Report study, the Big Apple is only the nation's fifth-worst major city to live in, comfortably edging out hellholes like Fresno, Stockton, Modesto, a...

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Marriages on the Fritz as Women "Marie Kondo" Their Husbands

Funny story: Marriages on the Fritz as Women "Marie Kondo" Their Husbands

In the wake of the popular reality show hosted by Japanese organizing consultant Marie Kondo, who helps people declutter and improve their lives by getting rid of anything that doesn't genuinely spark joy, marriages everywhere are on the fritz as wom...

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"Creeping Koranism?" Saudis Infiltrate La Scala, Covent Garden, the Met

Milan, Italy. Special to The Spoof. Within days of the announcement that Saudi Arabia has bought its way onto the La Scala board of directors, word now comes that the Saudis have approached the Royal Opera company at Covent Garden and the Metropolita...

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Banksy Now In Existential Period

Funny story: Banksy Now In Existential Period

Banksy, the street artist, whose stencil-design works attract media attention all over the world, has changed direction, and has now entered his 'Existential Period'. The Bristol-based artist is famous for stealing around under cover of darkness w...

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Conor McGregor Has Holes In The Knees Of His Jim-Jams

Funny story: Conor McGregor Has Holes In The Knees Of His Jim-Jams

Conor McGregor, the former UFC featherweight and lightweight champion, has a secret that he probably doesn't want you to know, but which we're going to tell you about anyway - the Irishman has holes in both knees of his pyjama trousers. McGregor,...

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Parents Secretly Think Their Well-Behaved Kid Is Super Lame

Funny story: Parents Secretly Think Their Well-Behaved Kid Is Super Lame

While outwardly praising him for his positive attitude and generally excellent behavior, Matt and Jenna Smith of Bozeman, Montana, secretly think their 12-year-old son, Tyler, is super lame. "He never talks back, never makes fun of anyone, and I n...

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L. A.'s Homeless Flea

Los Angeles. Special to The Spoof. Yesterday's disturbing Spoof headline - "Homeless Flee L. A." - is matched today by an equally tragic tale - "L. A.'s Homeless Flea." The L. A. city council's newly-adopted ordinance banning public performances...

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Man Experiences His Hottest Weather Ever, As His Blood Starts To Boil

Funny story: Man Experiences His Hottest Weather Ever, As His Blood Starts To Boil

Steamy-hot temperatures were almost too much for one man yesterday, when contrary to the laws of human biology, his blood started to boil. Moys Kenwood, 55, had been teaching in the air-conditioned classrooms at the school where he works, when he...

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Ten Things You May Not Have Known About: Holland

Funny story: Ten Things You May Not Have Known About: Holland

Holland is a lovely place, isn't it? And so flat! The perfect place to ride a bicycle, as flat as a pancake, with no impossibly-difficult hills to climb. Or that's what you think! Here are some things about Holland that you probably didn't know, a...

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On Becoming A Storm Trooper - One Piece Of Armor At A Time

They take you on when you are crippled, weak. They know that, when you are vulnerable, they can mold you into the relentless warrior machine they want you to be. In the beginning, you can wear only black, in homage to the All Great, Ever-Seeing, A...

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Storm Blows Fast and Wet through Desperate Desert Town

Funny story: Storm Blows Fast and Wet through Desperate Desert Town

A powerful rainstorm blew fast and wet through the desperate desert town of Henderson, Nevada, this weekend, bringing sticky sighs of relief - and of sheer pleasure - to residents desperate for lubrication. "Praise Jesus, was I happy to get some,"...

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College Student Forgets Aikido Training While Being Chased By Doppelganger

Funny story: College Student Forgets Aikido Training While Being Chased By Doppelganger

Grant County, Wisconsin. UW-Platteville student, Craig Smith, 20, completely forgot his Aikido training while being chased by a doppelganger last Saturday. Feeling stressed out with his Sociology and Pre-Algebra courses, Craig left his dorm ro...

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New Muscle Building Supplement Tested And Found To Be Huge Success

Funny story: New Muscle Building Supplement Tested And Found To Be Huge Success

A new muscle building and energy supplement, called BarBarik, was recently tested and found to be a huge success. Containing massive amounts of vitamins, minerals, and various "unknown ingredients," the pill was given to Minnesotan resident, Lane Wi...

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Grown Men Who Put Up "Liar Liar Pants on Fire" Poster in Congress Say Ocasio-Cortez is Crazy

Funny story: Grown Men Who Put Up "Liar Liar Pants on Fire" Poster in Congress Say Ocasio-Cortez is Crazy

Washington - At a recent Congressional hearing, Republican Paul Gosar, who once said that climate change isn't real because of "photosynthesis", watched in horror as Congresswoman Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez asked former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen pertin...

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"I'm Looking For Somebody Who Is Sexually Experienced" Still Best Way Of Not Saying "I'm A Self-Absorbed, Insecure, Materialistic, Valueless Queen Who Needs My Crotch Pleased" on Dating Profiles

Funny story: "I'm Looking For Somebody Who Is Sexually Experienced" Still Best Way Of Not Saying "I'm A Self-Absorbed, Insecure, Materialistic, Valueless Queen Who Needs My Crotch Pleased" on Dating Profiles

Michigan. With her complete lack of personality, values, or even the ability to look deep within herself and see her own personal flaws, Stephanie Greenfield, 39, got on a dating profile last week and began searching for her true love after ruthless...

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Man Had His Back Doors Kicked In

Funny story: Man Had His Back Doors Kicked In

For the second time in just over a month, a man in San Francisco has suffered possibly the worst indignity one person could inflict upon another, especially if 'another' is a private business owner with a lack of good security at his premises. Rog...

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Thousands of Middle Class Americans Storm Mexican Border Seeking Better Life.

Funny story: Thousands of Middle Class Americans Storm Mexican Border Seeking Better Life.

A major melee occurred today on the American/Mexican border as thousands of middle class Americans stormed the fences and barricades separating them from Central American soil. Overwhelmed and surprised, Mexican border guards at first tried to halt t...

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The what if you gave a party and nobody came dream haunts Guaido

Funny story: The what if you gave a party and nobody came dream haunts Guaido

Dark Overbored, specializing in hacking, doorknob analysis, and dream interpretation, has again revealed inside information from the Guaido camp. The dream goes like this: The hall is hired, the bunting and balloons strung, the tables laid wit...

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Cardinal Pell To Be Held In Colditz Castle

Funny story: Cardinal Pell To Be Held In Colditz Castle

Cardinal George Pell, the sex beast, has been sentenced to six years in prison for the sexual assaults he carried out on two 13-year-old choir boys in Melbourne in 1996, and will now be locked away so that he might reflect on the pain he caused his v...

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Actor who always plays 'angry', quite laid-back in real-life

Funny story: Actor who always plays 'angry', quite laid-back in real-life

Timothy Claypole Dobbin, an actor known for playing very angry men at the end of a short fuse, has revealed that he is not like that at all in real-life. Dobbin, who takes his stage name from a character in Rent-a-Ghost and a character in Vanity F...

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Starbucks Baristas Look Down on Frappuccino Customers

Funny story: Starbucks Baristas Look Down on Frappuccino Customers

Even as the Frappuccino has become one of Starbucks most popular and profitable menu items, many Starbucks baristas admit that they secretly look down on the customers who order the sweet, cold and creamy coffee concoction. “No class,” said Baltim...

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President Trump Is Going To Run America In The Style Of A James Bond Villain

Funny story: President Trump Is Going To Run America In The Style Of A James Bond Villain

After dashing off a veto to overturn the decision made by Congress regarding what he says is an emergency situation on the US/Mexican border, President Donald Trump today said that he is ready to roll his sleeves up, and get his hands dirty with the...

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Trump Calls Bernie Sanders, Ocasio-Cortez and Adam Schiff: "Two Jerks And A Squirt"

Funny story: Trump Calls Bernie Sanders, Ocasio-Cortez and Adam Schiff: "Two Jerks And A Squirt"

BILLINGSGATE POST: Trump arrived to a hero’s welcome today at CPAC. Thousands, maybe millions, of his most ardent supporters were there to cheer him. When he called Bernie Sanders, Ocasio-Cortez and Adam Schiff, “Two Jerks and a Squirt," chants of...

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Man still can't decide between Blur and Oasis

Funny story: Man still can't decide between Blur and Oasis

Although it has not been mentioned in the press for years, a man in his forties is worried that he still hasn't made his decision about which group he prefers, Oasis or Blur. Gary Braithwaite, 47, said "It was an issue years ago, when I was trying...

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Transgender Olympiad from 2024

Funny story: Transgender Olympiad from 2024

"Boy will be girls and girls will be boys!" A once infamous, unacceptable line in a cult, sixties pop song by the Kinks has now come true! The international olympiad committee has decided 'enough is enough' and will be launching The Transgender O...

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Did Anti-Gambling Group Sabotage Santa Anita's Track?

Arcadia, CA. - The death of over twenty horses this season at Santa Anita may be the work of Losers Anon., a vocal anti-gambling organization in Southern California. They have publicly taken credit for the deaths that caused cancellation of racing tw...

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Honoring Ronald Reagan, Warner Bros. Re-releases, Re-titles "Kings Row"

Burbank, CA. Exclusive to The Spoof. "Kings Row," the 1942 film that made Ronald Reagan a star, will be re-released and re-titled by Warner Bros. this summer as part of a tribute to the nation's 40th president. The credits, which originally had An...

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Man To Reveal A Secret

Funny story: Man To Reveal A Secret

A man whose characteristic behavior is to always keep his cards very close to his chest, is to 'break with tradition', and will shortly reveal one of his innermost and closely-guarded secrets. The man, whose identity cannot be divulged, because th...

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Michael Jackson Breaks Silence

In a tiny, aging building along a busy Mesa, Arizona street, local fortune teller Madam Lisbane finishes a palm reading for one of her regular customers. She tells her that the coming equinox will create unimaginable havoc in her life, and that she m...

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Red Dead Redemption to Get Support of US Congress

Funny story: Red Dead Redemption to Get Support of US Congress

NEW YORK - The amazing popularity of the Red Dead Redemption video game series has caught the attention of Senators and Representatives in the US Congress. In fact, several of the very old politicians that lack significant Social Media skills are loo...

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Writing Instructor Has Trouble Completely Barring Students from Using Adverbs

Funny story: Writing Instructor Has Trouble Completely Barring Students from Using Adverbs

In her course emphasizing punchy, to-the-point writing, Crestwood Community College Professor Sandra Finn strongly advises her students to avoid using adverbs, but found she had trouble completely barring them from doing so. “I tried to tell them...

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Death Row Convict Escapes

Funny story: Death Row Convict Escapes

A Death Row convict at a Louisiana jail, who left a terrible trail of violent crime behind him, including six gruesome murders, and who was due to face execution by lethal injection on Saturday, has escaped. Billy Bob Jackson, 48, arrested by poli...

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CNN Source Identified Only as "Beavis": Moscow Trump Tower Erection Story was Killed by Pecker at Enquirer

Funny story: CNN Source Identified Only as "Beavis": Moscow Trump Tower Erection Story was Killed by Pecker at Enquirer

Van Nuys, California - In an exclusive CNN report, a confidential source calling himself "Beavis" or alternatively "Cornholio" contacted the news organization with startling revelations concerning National Enquirer chief David Pecker and the Trump O...

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Trump Orders Cohen Have His Gums Painted With Gentian Violet For Lying

Funny story: Trump Orders Cohen Have His Gums Painted With Gentian Violet For Lying

BILLINGSGATE POST: Ominously, the day began with the Four Horses of the Apocalypse peacefully munching oats in the White House stables; their teeth tipped with rubber so that they would not wake up Slim Everdingle from his troubled slumber. Slim was...

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Forget Tax Returns, Find Trump’s School Grades And SAT Scores

Funny story: Forget Tax Returns, Find Trump’s School Grades And SAT Scores

While the press and Congress, (Democratic) have been demanding copies of Tump’s tax returns and financial records, nosey Spoof writers are more interested in Trump’s school grades while at grammar school, high school, and at both Fordham and Wharton.

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Charleston Woman Pretty Sure She's Vegan and Probably Gluten-free

Funny story: Charleston Woman Pretty Sure She's Vegan and Probably Gluten-free

"I can't stand seafood, and I almost never eat regular bread," said Kendra Burke of Charleston, South Carolina, who's pretty certain she's vegan and probably also gluten-free. "I almost always opt for the wrap instead." Eating healthy in Lowcountr...

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The War On Terror Is Over As Terror Concedes Defeat

Funny story: The War On Terror Is Over As Terror Concedes Defeat

There were celebrations at the White House and in Downing Street this morning when it was revealed that the decades-long War on Terror was finally over, Terror having admitted that it was a spent force, and that it no longer had the resources or the...

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Conor McGregor Wants To Fight A Saber-Toothed Tiger

Funny story: Conor McGregor Wants To Fight A Saber-Toothed Tiger

Conor McGregor, the former UFC featherweight and lightweight champion, who was arrested in Miami yesterday after damaging, then stealing, a fan's phone when the fan tried to photograph McGregor, has said he wants to fight a saber-toothed tiger. Mc...

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Pelosi Calls For Standardized Jewish Slurs

Funny story: Pelosi Calls For Standardized Jewish Slurs

BILLINGSGATE POST: Representative Ilhan Omar (D-Minn.) thanked House Speaker Nancy Pelosi for recommending that Jewish slurs be standardized so that there is no misunderstanding when she condemns Israel for throwing Benjamins around to influence Ame...

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Transcendental Meditator Struggles to Keep Things Real

Funny story: Transcendental Meditator Struggles to Keep Things Real

As a dedicated daily practitioner of transcendental meditation or "TM" for over 18 years, Garret Fraith of Concord, Massachusetts, admitted that he sometimes has trouble keeping things real. "I've gotten to really dig transcending," said Garret. "...

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Sea walnut organism’s anus-on-demand feature being studied toward possible evolutionary changes in political parties

Funny story: Sea walnut organism’s anus-on-demand feature being studied toward possible evolutionary changes in political parties

Scientists are now offering new reports on the Mnemiopsis leidyl organism, called the Sea Walnut, also known as the Comb Jelly. Speculation has spread widely that the new information signifies information on evolutionary advances, particularly fo...

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Jokester Obstetrician Told He Needs to Work on His Delivery

Funny story: Jokester Obstetrician Told He Needs to Work on His Delivery

"The content is terrific, but you really need to work on your delivery," was the overall message maternity patients had for OB/GYN and amateur stand-up comic Sean O'Connell of Chicago, who has a standard practice of prescribing all his patients a hea...

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Trump to Offer Online Course: "Effective Use of Social Media in POLITICS"

Funny story: Trump to Offer Online Course: "Effective Use of Social Media in POLITICS"

U.S. President Donald Trump announced that he will soon be offering an eight-week online course titled "Effective Use of Social Media in POLITICS." The course will focus particularly on the popular social media platform, Twitter, where Trump has show...

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US agency to receive “Laundryland and Sunshine Award” for actions in the new century so far

Funny story: US agency to receive “Laundryland and Sunshine Award” for actions in the new century so far

The New York Times has revealed a security agency operating as a gigantic laundromat, which specializes in "protecting national interests.” This laundromat (aka "Laundryland") houses enormous scrubbing machines that dwarf an ordinary facility's wa...

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Blindsided: NY Woman Learns Blind Boyfriend Not That Blind - and Has Been Seeing Someone Else

Funny story: Blindsided: NY Woman Learns Blind Boyfriend Not That Blind - and Has Been Seeing Someone Else

Meghan Larson of disability-friendly New York City was devastated to learn that her blind boyfriend, Lance, wasn't that blind - and had been seeing another woman for over a year. "They say love is blind, and it was literally true in my case," sai...

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Man wishes people would take his complaints seriously, like they do that Mr Trump

Funny story: Man wishes people would take his complaints seriously, like they do that Mr Trump

Brick Mandelay, 47, is bitterly complaining, again. "God, I have so many things to complain about," said the cossetted and really very lucky middle-aged chap. "I wake up in the morning, and I have to go to work, where everyone is a bit of a prick,...

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Trump MAGA Rally Crowd of Billionaires Thrilled by President's News that "Stock Market Will Soar"

Funny story: Trump MAGA Rally Crowd of Billionaires Thrilled by President's News that "Stock Market Will Soar"

Westford, Alabama - A crowd of visibly excited Trump supporters cheered loudly as the President announced that an imminent trade deal with China will "make the stock market go through the roof." The crowd, most, if not all, of whom had stock portf...

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99 Paperclips in a box

Funny story: 99 Paperclips in a box

News has reached us that the Autumn television schedules are to highlight one particular show, called 99 paperclips. Ninety-nine paperclips will be broadcast every week for the next two years, and each week a celebrity or someone most people have...

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Meat-Loving Preacher Points Out that, Unlike with Humans, Little Scientific Evidence Exists that Animals Have Souls

Funny story: Meat-Loving Preacher Points Out that, Unlike with Humans, Little Scientific Evidence Exists that Animals Have Souls

After several parishioners approached him asking what he thought of adopting a vegan lifestyle out of compassion for animals, Pastor Raymond Roberts of Crossroads Christian Church in Nashville, Tennessee, assured them that people of faith need not co...

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Brooklyn Man Brings Sorely Lacking Gravitas to His Social Circle

Funny story: Brooklyn Man Brings Sorely Lacking Gravitas to His Social Circle

Noting that his conversations with his buddies tended to devolve into a great deal of laughing, joking around, and poking fun at their ridiculous lives, Ben Hayes of Brooklyn, New York, felt a personal responsibility to provide the component sorely l...

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Nashville Man’s Mother Drops Ball by Failing to Remind Him about Seasonal Time Change

Funny story: Nashville Man’s Mother Drops Ball by Failing to Remind Him about Seasonal Time Change

This past weekend, Wanda James, the mother of 32-year-old Tucker James in Nashville, Tennessee, failed to remind Tucker to set his clock an hour ahead as the area returned to regular Central Standard Time, causing him to almost miss a coffee date wit...

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There Are Far Too Many 'Isms' These Days, Says Man

Funny story: There Are Far Too Many 'Isms' These Days, Says Man

A report out today shows several shifts in the way the public perceives 'isms', the funny little suffixes that are added onto other words to make you sound important. The newest 'ism' on the scene is 'colorism'. This word came up recently when...

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Home Secretary Has Blood On His Hands

Funny story: Home Secretary Has Blood On His Hands

Home secretary, Sajid Javid, the man who was responsible for the revoking of Shamima Begum's British citizenship, has now become responsible for the death of another British citizen - Shamima's 3-week-old son, Jarrah, who died of pneumonia in a Syria...

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Democrats and Republicans Alike Lose Track of Why They Officially Condemn Whistleblower Chelsea Manning

Funny story: Democrats and Republicans Alike Lose Track of Why They Officially Condemn Whistleblower Chelsea Manning

“This man-woman is putting our entire freedom of the press at risk!” declared President Trump. “If we start letting confused, troubled people sell their secrets to Wikileaks in order to fund their sex-change operations, what’s next? Rigged elections?...

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Quantum Mechanics Book Left Man Stumped

Funny story: Quantum Mechanics Book Left Man Stumped

A text book about Quantum Mechanics that one man pulled off a library shelf because he'd always fancied learning about what Quantum Mechanics really were, probably made him wish he hadn't bothered when he discovered that the subject was rather too ba...

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PM May's fave song is "Slap my bitch up!"

Funny story: PM May's fave song is "Slap my bitch up!"

After the sad news of Prodigy front man's death (RIP) it appears he had a secret admirer; Brit PM May! Theresa just loves the Prodigy's Nr 1 cult hit, "Slap my Bitch up!" and every time she returns from Brussels, Berlin or Paris and enters Nr 10 s...

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Man Died Reading 'The Plague'

Funny story: Man Died Reading 'The Plague'

Police investigating the death of a man who lived alone, say he may have been killed by a book. The man died on Thursday after being struck down by a terrible illness that produced severe and pronounced buboes on his groins, back, neck and in his...

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Man Takes "Day Off" Due To Job Exhaustion And Midlife Crisis

Funny story: Man Takes "Day Off" Due To Job Exhaustion And Midlife Crisis

California. In a move that was seen as both shocking and highly unanticipated by fellow co-workers, Michael Herring, 48, took a day off work and stayed home last week on Thursday, February 28th. Feeling exhausted, depressed, burned out, and 'just...

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Increased School 'Drop-Out' Rate Pleases Both Teachers And Administrators Alike

Funny story: Increased School 'Drop-Out' Rate Pleases Both Teachers And Administrators Alike

La Crosse, Wisconsin. Although they didn't want to admit it, teachers and administrators at Lincoln High School have been extremely pleased with the increasing numbers of students from troubled homes who are dropping out of school at higher and high...

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Isolated Cabins In Forests Outside Of Civilization Along Eastern Coast Still Best Places To Retire For The Elderly

Funny story: Isolated Cabins In Forests Outside Of Civilization Along Eastern Coast Still Best Places To Retire For The Elderly

According to statistical research, isolated cabins in remote areas along the eastern coast of the United States are still the best places to retire for elderly couples who want to enjoy their remaining years. Underground cults, witch burning, en...

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Miss Better BumBum, Miss Clit-Floss, Miss Here-It-All-Is challenge each other on the runways of New York and Paris

Funny story: Miss Better BumBum, Miss Clit-Floss, Miss Here-It-All-Is challenge each other on the runways of New York and Paris

This week's resurfacing of Suzy Cortez, Miss BumBum of 2015, has drawn the spotlight to further developments in female bikini styles. A new competitor, Miss Better BumBum, has emerged, although her arrival in New York was dampened somewhat by an a...

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Jussie Smollett Abandons Chess Game With Mate

Funny story: Jussie Smollett Abandons Chess Game With Mate

Jussie Smollett, the former actor who suffered a mental breakdown recently, has been trying to get his life back together with the help of his family and friends, to no great avail. Last week, for instance, one of his closest friends who did not w...

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Forklift Driver Glad He Can Finally Go Home On Friday And "Not Stop" After 5 Beers

Funny story: Forklift Driver Glad He Can Finally Go Home On Friday And "Not Stop" After 5 Beers

IA. Feeling delightful and giddy on Friday, March 8th, Tom Matthews, 27, was glad that he could finally go home and not stop drinking after only 5 beers. Upon surviving a long, horrifying, and seemingly endless stretch of torture lasting from S...

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Why Talk To The Organ Grinder When You Can Talk To The Monkey?

Funny story: Why Talk To The Organ Grinder When You Can Talk To The Monkey?

BILLINGSGATE POST: Let’s try to sort this out. Is House Speaker Nancy Pelosi a monkey or an organ grinder? The leadership of the Democrat Party is at stake. Is upstart Alexandria “The Great” Ocasio-Cortez the defacto head of the party? Or is it...

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