Man Who Eats A Lot Of Fish Develops A Hankering For The Sea

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 5 March 2019

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Kenwood earlier

A man who eats an astonishing amount of fish and chips for his tea, has revealed how, recently, he has experienced a strange, burning inner passion to live in the sea.

Moys Kenwood, 55, eats a plate of fish and chips, on average, four times a week, and claims he has instinctively started to feel that he 'belongs' in a marine environment.

He told me:

"I can't explain it. It's a gut feeling. I want to be surrounded by water, seaweed, other fish, and the serenity, peace and quiet of the deep."

Kenwood's wife buys his fish - the Snakehead fish (Chianna Striata) - from the local market, bops it on the head with something heavy, guts and fillets it, cooks it, and puts it on the table in front of her husband, usually with a generous serving of chips, and sometimes with salad.

A local witchdoctor told me:

"He's eating a lot of fish, and is probably being possessed by the spirits of the dead fish, who would like nothing more than to return to where they first swam into the net, in order to avoid it."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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