Written by Monkey Woods

Monday, 4 March 2019

image for Man In Boardroom Smelt It, But Had Not Dealt It
I assure you, it wasn't me!

A man in a boardroom meeting has told how he became aware of an odious smell that had nothing to do with him.

Michael Brackley, 26, an executive trainee at Pratley-Whiffer Marketing Consultants explained that he was in a group policy meeting on marketing expenditure on Thursday afternoon, when his nostrils were suddenly filled with noxious fumes, reminiscent of rotten eggs.

Someone had released an air biscuit.

His eyes scanned the faces of the other people in the room for signs of guilt, but to no avail.

Brackley struggled to expel the aroma from his nose, but, by now, he felt as if it were clogging his throat as well as his nostrils, and that he were eating a generous helping of oeuf putride.

He told me:

"I asked if anyone else in the room could smell anything, and suggested it might be the drains."

But company director, Steve Robbins, shot back:

"He who smelt it, dealt it!"

This comment brought uproarious laughter around the table, but not to Michael, who protested:

"Well, I certainly smelt it, but, I can assure you, someone else was the dealer."

Don Wilson, chief executive, said:

"Come now, Michael, you know the game."

Perhaps stepping out of his depth a little, Michael told Don:

"I don't know to which game you are referring, Don, but I am safe in the knowledge that my bowels, though hardly aromatic, do not smell as if a rat has crawled up my arse and died, which is the impression I am left with after inhaling the contaminated air from that pump."

There was stifled guffawing from others in the room.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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