Trump Recognizes Jerusalem as Capital of Puerto Rico

Written by Chrissy Benson

Friday, 29 March 2019

image for Trump Recognizes Jerusalem as Capital of Puerto Rico
The palm trees in both Jerusalem and Puerto Rico are part of what makes Jerusalem a fitting capital of the U.S. territory.

Comtravening decades of American policy, President Donald Trump announced that the United States will recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Puerto Rico.

"Just look at the palm trees and tell me these are not sister cities," said Trump. "I'm really just recognizing the obvious here."

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu praised Trump''s decision. "Israel has been working toward this for a long time. Gracias, President Trump."

Trump stated that the decision to recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Puerto Rico should come as good news to those who claim that the United States did not provide adequate aid to Puerto Rico in the aftermath of  Hurricane Maria, which blasted through the island territory in 2017, leaving thousands dead and thousands of others without clean water, power, food, or medical supplies for months on end.

"We'll now be providing $12 billion in new funding to support and replenish Puerto Rico, via its capital of Jerusalem," announced Trump. "Israel will be responsible for distributing these moneys as it sees fit."

Trump emphasized, however, that the recognition of Jerusalem as the new capital of Puerto Rico does not mean that the U.S. territory will enjoy any sort of favoritism with regard to immigration and travel restrictions.

Bringing home the point, he stated, "Effective immediately, I have issued an executive order banning all immigration and travel from Puerto Rico, unless directly authorized by Israel. We're not taking any chances on our borders," he assured "real" Americans.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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