LGBT Groups Not Happy With Straight Pride Event

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 26 March 2019

image for LGBT Groups Not Happy With Straight Pride Event
Slightly quirky, but you'll get used to it

Heterosexuals everywhere are celebrating tonight, after 'straight relationships' were given a governmental worldwide seal of approval, and 24 August pencilled-in for a 'Straight Pride Day', including a march through major cities all over the globe.

Straight people everywhere went wild on social media.

Barry, from England, has been married 8 years to Tina. He said:

"I always knew this day would come. We've worked hard to get to this position, to become accepted by the mainstream, and now I feel we have been."

Bruce and his wife Doreen, in the US, have been together nearly thirty years. Bruce said:

"I don't usually like making a 'song-and-dance' about being straight, but I, and many others, now feel the time is right to come out and tell the world that we, too, are 'normal', have feelings, and just want to express ourselves in a positive way."

LGBT Groups have frowned on the proposals for the march, however.

Caprice Smith-Jones, an LGBT leader, said:

"There's nothing normal about being normal. Back in the day, we fought long and hard to get our quirky, sick and depraved ways accepted, and this, to my mind, is a step in the wrong direction."

And transgender animal-lover, Tristan Boner-Fido, said:

"The LGBT collective abhors this kind of 'non-conformism', this 'showmanship' and 'individualism' amongst some of the fringe elements of today's society. Their need to be different is nausea-inducing."

And Androgyny Brown, who is amorphogenderous, sounded a warning, saying:

"There's absolutely no need for this kind of thing. Do lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, multi-genders, non-genders, cross-dressers and the like go around shouting about their gender or sexual preference issues? It's just the start, mark my words. It'll be a long, slippery slope from here."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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