Conor McGregor Has Holes In The Knees Of His Jim-Jams

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 12 March 2019

image for Conor McGregor Has Holes In The Knees Of His Jim-Jams
Kids playing happily in Crumlin

Conor McGregor, the former UFC featherweight and lightweight champion, has a secret that he probably doesn't want you to know, but which we're going to tell you about anyway - the Irishman has holes in both knees of his pyjama trousers.

McGregor, 30, still lives with his mum at her house in Crumlin, Dublin, and it was from there, after she'd wheeled her shopping trolley back from the local Sainsbury's, she told the Spoof's Ireland correspondent, Seamus O'Dongle, about her son.

"Oh, he's allus skoilorken araynd," she said, inferring that Conor was always skylarking around.

She went on to tell how the UFC badboy has his tea every night at 6pm, then goes for a wash in their old tin bath. After that, he and his sisers, Erin and Aoife, get into their 'jim-jams', and settle down to watch the telly. But Conor always wants to fight.

And that means trouble.

The McGregor kids throw each other around the living room of the Crumlin two-up-two-down, battering the walls with repetitive thuds, as, first one, then the other of the sisters takes a bashing. Conor, himself, also gets hurt, and the frequent carpet-burning of his knees has quite worn away the fabric on his jim-jams - blue-and-white-striped Thomas the Tank Engine ones - which he's had since he was 11.

Conor's mum said:

"Allus foiten! Allus foiten! He just woant lissen! Foit! Foit! Foit! Them bloody jamas weren't cheap oither!"

Mrs McGregor doesn't hold back, and often gives young Connor a strategic backhander or a full-blooded uppercut to curb his enthusiasm. She laughed:

"Ah, he's a roight rum 'un is ar Conor, sowee is!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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