Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 2 March 2019

image for Queen Guitarist Brian May In Hospital After Consistently Denying Any Connection To Theresa May
The most improbable things are often true

Brian May, the legendary lead-guitarist with rock group, Queen, is being cared for in a private hospital tonight after suffering a nervous breakdown as a result of years of denying any family connection between himself and UK prime minister, Theresa May.

Brian, 71, has faced almost constant questioning ever since Mrs May took office in 2016, and has even been accused of being her 'secret son', despite the fact that he is nine years her senior.

In spite of this, both Mays are Conservatives, and both like to pluck - Brian, his guitar, and Theresa, the pennies from the pockets of the less-well-off. Both live near London, have met the Queen, and even have an undeniable physical likeness, and rumours have circulated widely that they are, in fact, brother and sister.

Mr. May was rushed to a private London hospital late last night after receiving a phone call during which he was asked if he was related to the prime minister. The caller then hung up.

His wife, Ang, the ex-landlady at the Queen Vic in Albert Square, called for an ambulance, and Brian was whisked off to a secret location from where doctors are monitoring his condition.

Ang told us:

"E's 'ad justabaht enafuvit!"

Brian is also the half-sister to former British long jump athlete, Fiona May.

He is not related to James May, that tosspot off 'Top Gear'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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