Organizers Secretly Relieved that No One Smited during Nashville Atheist Convention

Written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 25 March 2019

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This band of heathens had something to smile about when not one non-believer was smited at the Nashville Atheist Convention.

Wrapping up another highly successful annual atheist convention in Nashville, Tennessee, which brought together atheists, skeptics, humanists, and those "recovering from religion," conference organizers Hal Jenkins snd Gayle Fleming secretly breathed a sigh of relief that no one had been smited during the conference.

"I was like ninety-nine-percent sure it wouldn't happen," said Jenkins who grew up in an extremely punitive and oppressive fundamentalist Christian household. "Honestly, though, it's always a bit of a relief when we make it through without anyone having been struck down by lightning, consumed by fire and brimstone, or what-not."

"No plagues of locusts or anything, either," he added. "Whew!"

Fleming stated that she considers this and the many previous smite-free atheist conventions additional evidence against the existence of God. "After all, if there were any sort of God, wouldn't one of his most obvious acts be to strike down a band of heathens gathering en masse, defiling his name?" she posited. "I'm just saying."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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