Heartbreaking: Distraught Toddler Has Trouble Living With Self After Failing to Make Paper Boat

Funny story written by Jesus H. Christ

Wednesday, 27 March 2019

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What a shipwreck...

Speaking of the difficulties of being so physically inept, unintelligent and overall rather boring, local 2-year-old, Ethan Scheve, was found crying about his inability to fold origami.

“I’m just not sure how something so simple could be screwed up...”, stated Ethan in an exclusive interview, “... I just really don’t know what to say.”

“Like, there was so much going on that day. The newborn section was doing some crosswords, a few kids in the corner sketching out architecture for a new office building, a boy and a girl having a debate about abortion and gun control in a corner… so I just figured that I would do something cool so my friends would follow in my footsteps, so I brought up some paper boat tutorial and started folding.”

“Or… at least tried. It was like one minute into the thing where I realized that my boat was all crooked and wrong, so I tried again and again, until I just got so frustrated that I just ran out and hid.”

“Like, I’m usually the smart one in my group, but god I’m just terrible. This is terrible. Maybe it was hard, but they were doing crosswords and stuff and I can’t even fold a paper boat. I wonder if the others are having trouble, too.”

At press time, Ethan was once again found crying after discovering that his friends had not only a fleet of paper boats, but a bevy of swans, a fleet of planes, a half-dozen ninja stars and an army of tanks. They were allegedly beginning a paper war with these objects. Ethan is still recovering.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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