Written by Chris Dahl

Wednesday, 13 March 2019

image for Trump Sues Self for Unauthorized Autobiography

Before heading back down to Mar-a-Lago, also known as the Southern White House, President Donald Trump announced that he would being suing himself for a “huge sum of money, as much money as I have.”

While standing on the East Lawn before departing, Trump stated that he had written “a great book, a really great book about a really great subject: me. I mean, I thought it was great.”

Jim Acosta, getting a rare opportunity to ask the President a question, asked what had changed his perception of the book. Trump responded, saying, “After it was read to me by my lovely daughter Ivanka - she’s really great, and she’s been doing fabulous things - I realized what a bad guy I really was, and, man, I looked really bad. I mean have you heard about the things I’ve done. While I’m listening, I’m like, ‘Wow, this guy – me – is a real bad hombre!’”

Acosta, shaking his head in shock, asked if the President was aware that those actions in the book were actually his “in reality.”

Trump stated that the mainstream media would do anything to smear him, even though he’s done more in the first two years of a presidency than anyone else. “This book is just another hit job,” he concluded.

Acosta confirmed that the President knew he had written the book. Trump responded: “Yes, of course, I mean, have you read it? It was top ten on Amazon, more winning, in spite of everything that rat Bezos tried to do to hold it back. You should read it. It’s yuge.”

Visibly confused, Acosta then asked, “So what’s your next step?”
“I’ve decided to do the only thing you can do in a situation like this,” Trump announced, “I’m going to sue, for a lot of money, millions of dollars. I can’t stand for this kind of slander, this kind of libel, not from a guy who does these kinds of things.”

The pool of reporters clamored to ask if the president knew that he would be suing himself.

“Hey,” Trump replied, “you know, no one else knows me as well as I do. And, you know, no one has any more money than me. So, yes, we’re suing me, and there’s going to be much more winning. I wish myself luck in court.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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