Man Completely Loses His Rag With Computer

Funny story written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 28 March 2019

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A man who could, in no way, be described as a technological genius, has revealed how a computer at his workplace made him so angry that he decided to murder it, and did.

Larry Sabu, 52, had been working at his job in an insurance office for three months, but had yet to master the temperamental computer, he subsequently named 'Christine', that sat on his desk. He said:

"I'm not the most gifted computer operator, it has to be said, but even turning the machine on presented its problems. I learnt very early on what a screenfreeze was, as it happened to me almost every day."

Larry went on to list the various struggles he had with Christine:

"The computer would encounter some problem whereby it would take an eternity for the screen to turn over to the next page, or would lose its internet connection, and have to be restarted, meaning that I'd lost all of the data I'd input. Or the back-up system wouldn't work, or there would be a break in the connection with the printer, or the printer would run out of ink at a critical point. If the printer printed, there would be a problem with the paper, or the loading of the paper, or the paper stuck to other sheets of paper. It was just a long line of disasters related to the computer."

Larry started to lose patience with the machine:

"There were all kinds of weird messages that I didn't understand: 'http 404 file not found', 'virus detected', and so on. I just got fed up. I waited until everyone had gone home, then I went to the top of the building - the 44th floor - and slung the fucking bitch off the roof. It made such a din when it hit the ground. A weight was lifted from my shoulders!".

Larry is currently looking for alternative, non-clerical employment.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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