R Kelly Reckons He Can Fly

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 5 March 2019

image for R Kelly Reckons He Can Fly
Touching the sky is better than touching kids

Pop musician, R Kelly, currently at the center of an underage sex scandal, has today been undergoing psychiatric tests as a consequence of his repeated insistence of his belief that he can fly.

Kelly was charged with ten counts of aggravated criminal sexual abuse last month, but, despite this, he is adamant, and continues to claim the power of flight.

At first sight, however, it's difficult to see how Kelly can possibly justify his claim.

He has no wings, which is a major obstacle. Nor has he been blessed with any tail feathers, which he might have used as 'evidence'.

Indeed, there is nothing in the former basketball player's physical characteristics to suggest that, should he leave the ground at all - even by jumping - that he wouldn't come straight back down to earth with a bang.

One doctor said:

"I think that, rather than 'fly', it's just possible that R Kelly might 'fry', but that's for a jury to decide."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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