Trans female athletes highly prized by college recruiters

Funny story written by Jas Guipe

Friday, 8 March 2019

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Following record-setting performances by trans female high school athletes across the country, college recruiters are taking notice of the impact these athletes are having on women’s sports.

“Well, what we’re seeing is nothing short of a revolution in women’s athletics,” said a D1 university track coach scouting athletes at the Connecticut State Indoor Track Championships. “The little lady I’m scouting here today just shattered the record for the 55meter dash. She’s cute as a button and strong as a bull. She cracked three of my ribs when I hugged her after her victory.”

One of the most sought-after women’s basketball recruits in the country is a 7’2” center out of Peoria, IL named Morgan Fairchild. Last season she blocked an astonishing 476 of her opponents shots. She also carries an 87% field goal percentage with most of those shots coming in the form of slam dunks. While, historically, the women’s game has seen only a few of its athletes able to dunk, they’ve never seen a player with this much potential to dominate the game.

“No doubt, she’ll transform the women’s game,” said Earl Monroe, coach of the Eastern Illinois University Lady Woodcocks. “She’ll also transform the women’s locker room as we’ll have to install a urinal and a locker big enough to contain her size 22 sneakers.”

Collegiate women’s hockey is all abuzz over a six foot, 195 pound ice maiden from Fairbanks, Minnesota. Don’t let her petite size or girl-next-door demeanor fool you, though. She put half a dozen opposing players in the hospital last season with concussions and multiple broken bones. “She’s a scrapper,” said her high school coach. “She likes to fight and she’s not afraid to hit a girl. And why should she be? She’s a girl, right?”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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