"Creamy White Flesh:" Mickey Spillane's Novels Banned as Racist, Sexist

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Thursday, 28 March 2019

The Library Consortium of America today banned all novels authored by mystery writer Mickey Spillane, who was labeled a white supremacist and misogynist by the librarians. Libraries throughout the United States will burn, rather than discard, all their copies of his Mike Hammer detective stories within the next month.

The consortium accepted without dissent, the banning recommendation from a committee that had devoted six months to examining Spillane's fiction. The eight elderly men took turns reading aloud the racier passages from Spillane's books.

The committee concluded that Spillane's repeated reference to the "creamy white flesh" of women who appeared in his novels was an unmistakable indication of Spillane's belief in white supremacy. A line by line examination of all his novels found no positive reference whatever to the flesh of black,brown, red or yellow women.

"He obviously was writing for white males," the report argued, "intending to conjure up in their minds fantasies involving white women. Spillane's audience in the 1950s was primarily young white males, especially enlisted men in the military and college students. One can't read any of his novels without realizing that he wrote for a white audience."

Not only was he a white supremacist, the report notes, but he was also a misogynist. "While the object of his lust is limited to white women, they are not idolized. Instead, they are sex objects, whether alive or dead, and, as such, his treatment of white women is demeaning and belittling, marked by patriarchy, male privilege and a glorification of violence against women.

In explaining the decision to burn Spillane's works, a consortium spokesman said: "The books are so gross that we rejected the idea of putting the library copies up for sale or giving them to military base libraries, We don't want our military men reading these vile novels, nor should our libraries profit from this filth by selling them to gullible young males."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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