There have been 182 spoof news stories published in February 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.

Lakers Trade Magic Johnson to Cleveland

Almost lost in the flurry of last-minute trades before the NBA deadline, was a strange arrangement between two struggling teams who once were at the top of their respective divisions. In a surreptitious exchange, the Los Angeles Lakers sent their...

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Local Employee Decapitated For Having Too Many Unexcused Absences

Funny story: Local Employee Decapitated For Having Too Many Unexcused Absences

St. Paul, Minnesota. The corporate staff at Pete's National Decking Products, a factory that produces household furniture items and outdoor decking material, executed one of their employees last Monday at 12:30 pm. Thomas Waters, 42, was allo...

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"Somebody Just Fucking Died, and You Will Never See Them Again" Not a Phrase Likely to Replace "Celebration of Life" at Funeral Services

Funny story: "Somebody Just Fucking Died, and You Will Never See Them Again" Not a Phrase Likely to Replace "Celebration of Life" at Funeral Services

A new study released by the International Institution of Profoundly Good, Superior, and Extremely Wonderful Information released a confidential report last Thursday indicating that the harsh realities of life will continually be covered up by lies, d...

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Covington Catholic High School Takes the Boredom Out of Washington D.C. Tours

Covington, Kentucky - It's a common complaint among today's teens. In high school they are sometimes loaded onto buses to spend a day or two on tedious tours of our nation’s Capitol, to visit sites of historical interest such as the Washington Monum...

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Cheaply Purchased Trac Phone Runs Out Of Minutes As Man Desperately Tries To Provide Advice To Others

Funny story: Cheaply Purchased Trac Phone Runs Out Of Minutes As Man Desperately Tries To Provide Advice To Others

Beloit, Wisconsin. Brad Steiner's trac phone ran out of minutes last Friday, February 1st, after he spent the entire evening desperately trying to provide deep advice to others who were feeling emotionally distressed and extremely troubled. Brad,...

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People Still Go To Church On Sunday While Cheating On Each Other And Looking For More Money, According To Report

Funny story: People Still Go To Church On Sunday While Cheating On Each Other And Looking For More Money, According To Report

After surveys and statistical data were analyzed at the University of Colorado last week, the results indicated that people actually do cheat on each other constantly, while looking for more money as they steadfastly maintain a need to go to Church e...

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Islamic Sharia Law Would Make Luton England's Capital

Funny story: Islamic Sharia Law Would Make Luton England's Capital

A government investigation into the activities of some branches of the Islamic faith in the UK, has turned up information that, in the event of a total Moslemisation of the country, and the adoption of Sharia Law, Luton, and not London, would be the...

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Margaret Thatcher Statue Is Creepily Real, And May Come To Life, Say Residents

Funny story: Margaret Thatcher Statue Is Creepily Real, And May Come To Life, Say Residents

A statue of former Prime Minister, Margaret Thatcher, due to be sited in her hometown of Grantham in Lincolnshire, has worried local residents, who say it looks too lifelike, and may come alive to scare them. Thatcher, thankfully now dead, was the...

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Pope Admits Catholic Church Is Now Like Something Out Of A Marquis de Sade Novel

Funny story: Pope Admits Catholic Church Is Now Like Something Out Of A Marquis de Sade Novel

Pope Francis has admitted that there have been "grave errors" in the administration of affairs within the Catholic church down the years, and that, at times, things have resembled erotic scenarios and events such as the public might have read about i...

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Man Absolutely Nails Perfect Wave to Passing Driver

Funny story: Man Absolutely Nails Perfect Wave to Passing Driver

A man driving back from the dump today absolutely nailed his wave to a minor acquaintance who passed him in his car. “It was just fantastic,” said the man. “The guy drove past me, I recognized his car, I made eye contact and then gave a cool nonch...

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Alexandra Stepanova outfit in love duet on ice reveals sensational aspect

Funny story: Alexandra Stepanova outfit in love duet on ice reveals sensational aspect

Ms. Stepanova and her dancing partner Ivan Bukin showed magnificent talent in the recent European Championships Gala Show in Belarus, Russia. The show offered an ice-skating version of two lovers intensely expressing amour. The two began by lyi...

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Man Excited for Super Bowl Ads He’ll Grow to Hate

Funny story: Man Excited for Super Bowl Ads He’ll Grow to Hate

The Super Bowl is today, and millions of people will be tuned-in to see the debut of ads that they will grow to hate for the rest of the year. “Last year, I remember being giddy with excitement when I saw that Bud Knight commercial, but now, when...

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Super Bowl Is Imminent

Funny story: Super Bowl Is Imminent

After many days of nerve-jangling pacing-up-and-down like expectant fathers, the players, coaches and staff of both of these football teams can finally 'get ready to rumble' on Sunday, as Super Bowl LIII arrives on the scene! It's taken five month...

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Dictators Club Meets Again-Guess Who the Main Topic Was?

Funny story: Dictators Club Meets Again-Guess Who the Main Topic Was?

Moscow, Russia Vlad Putin once again hosted a meeting of the World Dictators. The main rule to be a member is you must be the head of a country rated “Not Free” by the Freedom House. Presently, there are 50 qualifiers, some more famous like Daniel O...

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Super Bowl Set For A Frenzy Of 'Knee-Taking'

Funny story: Super Bowl Set For A Frenzy Of 'Knee-Taking'

Super Bowl 53 kicks off at 6:30pm (eastern time) this evening, and, aside from all the excitement over the occasion itself, there's massive interest over the prospect of all the players from both teams 'taking the knee' during the playing of the nati...

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Nobody Turns Up To Watch Hull City v. Stoke City Match

Funny story: Nobody Turns Up To Watch Hull City v. Stoke City Match

It's a sad fact that, for many football clubs, attendances are in decline, but nothing had prepared the management of one Championship team for what was in store for them yesterday, when ABSOLUTELY NOBODY turned up to watch Hull City take on Stoke Ci...

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Police Car Chase Was Strictly In Accordance With Traffic Laws

Funny story: Police Car Chase Was Strictly In Accordance With Traffic Laws

A police car involved in a daring high-speed chase with another car that had been stolen by criminals last night, was driven completely in accordance with the rules of the road, as specified within the UK Traffic Laws. The 'chase', in Peckham, Lon...

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Tobacco Debate Finally Resolved: Smoking Isn't that Bad for You and Cigarettes May Even Extend Lifespan in Certain Situations

Funny story: Tobacco Debate Finally Resolved: Smoking Isn't that Bad for You and Cigarettes May Even Extend Lifespan in Certain Situations

Smoking really isn’t that bad for you and cigarettes may even extend lifespan in certain situations was the big takeaway from a study recently published in the prestigious Personal Choice Journal. The comprehensive study conducted by the Personal...

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Fox News Apologizes to Viewers After Accidentally Reporting a Crime Committed by U.S. Citizen

Funny story: Fox News Apologizes to Viewers After Accidentally Reporting a Crime Committed by U.S. Citizen

Washington - Fox News commentator, Tucker Carlson, admitted on-air to outraged viewers, that one of the violent crimes reported by the network involved a suspect actually born in the United States. “We have worked diligently to keep our viewers in...

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Man's Bicycle Chain Came Off When He Stood Up To Pedal

Funny story: Man's Bicycle Chain Came Off When He Stood Up To Pedal

A pleasant afternoon cycling through country lanes turned sour for one man at the weekend, when, coming to a slight incline in the road, and rising out of his seat to exert extra force with his legs, his chain came off, and he plunged earthwards, bef...

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New Floor Cleaning Machine With 12-Inch, Debris-Expelling Chute Leaves Factory Workers Extremely Pissed Off

Funny story: New Floor Cleaning Machine With 12-Inch, Debris-Expelling Chute Leaves Factory Workers Extremely Pissed Off

Michigan. Employees at Woodland National Decking Products were incredibly aggravated last Monday after the company tested out a newly-purchased, industrial 'floor cleaning machine' with a foot-long chute for expelling debris. As a heavily-inspect...

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Federal Reserve Apologizes to Trump, Nation’s Billionaires for Allowing Savers to Earn Interest

Funny story: Federal Reserve Apologizes to Trump, Nation’s Billionaires for Allowing Savers to Earn Interest

Washington - After being heavily criticized by President Trump for raising interest rates from zero to just below the inflation rate, Federal Reserve Chairman Jerome Powell and Fed Open Market Committee members have indicated that they will slow, or...

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Liam Neeson Quits Acting To Join Police

Funny story: Liam Neeson Quits Acting To Join Police

Liam Neeson, the Hollywood actor superstar, the veteran of more than a hundred movies, and Oscar-nominee for his latest film 'Cold Pursuit', has announced his intention to quit the silver screen, and to join the police force. Neeson, 66, said that...

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Man Has Lost His Super Bowl Ticket!

Funny story: Man Has Lost His Super Bowl Ticket!

On the biggest day of his life, a staunch Los Angeles Rams fan has to face a nightmare experience - he's lost his ticket for the Super Bowl! Dwight Vergessen 22, had the ticket last night, because he put it with his wallet, his money, his watch, h...

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Cruise Missiles Back At Greenham Common As Part Of Trump-UK Trade Pact

Funny story: Cruise Missiles Back At Greenham Common As Part Of Trump-UK Trade Pact

Washington DC - A post-Brexit US-UK trade deal will see the return to British soil of American cruise missiles, according to Spoof sources close to Mike Pompeo, President Trump’s trusty Secretary of Snakes. The deal is being thrashed out with Bri...

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Climbing Equipment Shops Now Opening On Mexican Border

Funny story: Climbing Equipment Shops Now Opening On Mexican Border

Several shops selling climbing equipment have opened in close proximity to the US/Mexico border, the Spoof understands. The shops are small units, but are well-stocked with a variety of professional climbing attire and tools. Amongst other items,...

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Pete's Wood Awards Mr. Hymen Clit 'Employee of the Month' For January

Funny story: Pete's Wood Awards Mr. Hymen Clit 'Employee of the Month' For January

Portage County, Wisconsin. Pete's Wood, a lumber furniture factory that utilizes only the biggest and hardest wood in order to produce household furniture and outdoor composite decking boards, took a special moment last week to shine the employee sp...

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President Trump Upset That People Still Address Barack Obama As "Mr. President"

Funny story: President Trump Upset That People Still Address Barack Obama As "Mr. President"

In what's been called 'a fit of pique', President Donald Trump has spoken of his anger at the way many people, in the media, in the political forum, and beyond, still refer to former leader, Barack Obama, as 'Mr. President'. Mr. Obama, for most of...

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Overwhelmed, Unhappy, 'Burned-Out' Social Studies Teacher Goes Completely Berserk and Impales Numerous Community Members

Funny story: Overwhelmed, Unhappy, 'Burned-Out' Social Studies Teacher Goes Completely Berserk and Impales Numerous Community Members

Midwest. Wes Johnston, a 39-year-old Social Studies Teacher who seemed rather upset with the path he had chosen in life by earning a Master's Degree in Education instead of a Business Degree, went completely berserk last Thursday, after a parent cal...

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Bolton and Abrams discovered in regime change rituals in dank basement

Funny story: Bolton and Abrams discovered in regime change rituals in dank basement

The hacker group Dark Overbored has once again released intimate details on those currently governing US policy. This time it's via new technology in “doorknob surveillance,” and a series of “doorknob studies” for "interior scenes." To the fol...

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Charlie Chaplin Moustache Sold At Auction

Funny story: Charlie Chaplin Moustache Sold At Auction

A moustache that was once attached to the upper lip of comedian Charlie Chaplin, has been sold at auction for close to £50. The moustache had been kept as a souvenir by Elsie Tancock for more than 70 years, but when she died aged 87 in August, her...

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France exports explosive spud to Hong Kong!

Funny story: France exports explosive spud to Hong Kong!

France has declared itself the Nr 1 exporter of spuds to ex-UK colony, Hong Kong. The Hong Kong public are now enjoying French spuds turned into to chilly crisps because Brit spuds are too expensive and filled with black eyes! The latest EU deal w...

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Freezing Chicago Fireman Hoping for Nice, Warm Neighborhood Fire

Funny story: Freezing Chicago Fireman Hoping for Nice, Warm Neighborhood Fire

As Minnesota, Wisconsin, and Illinois continue to struggle with the polar vortex cold snap, people are trying to come up with imaginative and often unorthodox ways to stay warm in sub-zero temperatures. A member of the Chicago fire brigade has co...

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Boy Decides To Sue His Parents So That He Can Go To Ibiza

Funny story: Boy Decides To Sue His Parents So That He Can Go To Ibiza

A boy has told a group of his closest friends that he is to sue his parents for having him without his consent, so that he can pay for a holiday to Ibiza. Sam Bratt, 17, says he did not ask to be born, and, although he loves his life, and his pare...

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Bill Stern's Poignant Puppy Bowl Tale

Of all the puppy tales that have graced the annual Puppy Bowl over the past fifteen years, the most heart-rending is the one sportscaster, Bill Stern, told his rapt radio audience some years ago. Pongo, a young Dalmatian, was a substitute puppy on...

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Sexual Abuse Still Topping The List Of Abuses

Funny story: Sexual Abuse Still Topping The List Of Abuses

They say that some things never change, and that certainly seems to be the case with 'abuse', which, a study has found, that, for the seventh year running, Sexual Abuse still tops the list of popular abuses. Reported crime involving sexual abuse a...

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Liam Neeson To Star In "Men In Black...Bastards..." Spin-Off

LIAM NEESON is back on familiar ground in the first trailer for "Men in Black...Bastards..." the upcoming film about a Tourettes-suffering Irish actor working in Hollywood but unable to pull off a convincing American accent while auditioning for a ro...

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International Best-Selling Author Writes Another Book About Stress Management That Nobody Has Any Time To Read

Funny story: International Best-Selling Author Writes Another Book About Stress Management That Nobody Has Any Time To Read

Accomplished author, Bob Durning, recently wrote a 790-page book about stress management that nobody has any time to read. The number 1 hit seller, which has the potential of completely rocking the world of literature, is currently sitting in...

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For Whom the Funding Bill Tolls

Nancy Pelosi's bill to fund government for the rest of the fiscal year tolls a death knell for President Trump's border wall. When it clears the House on a largely party line vote, the bill, all told, will have oodles of money for border security but...

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Guaido to receive citizens committee award for support of US intervention

Funny story: Guaido to receive citizens committee award for support of US intervention

Breaking: Yesterday, self-proclaimed president of Venezuela Juan Guaido indicated he just might allow the possibility of US intervention to rescue his country. He stressed the importance of saving lives as motivation for this military intervention...

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Nancy Pelosi - "90% of Drugs Come Through Customs Checkpoints"

Funny story: Nancy Pelosi - "90% of Drugs Come Through Customs Checkpoints"

SAN FRANCISCO - As politicians in Washington DC struggle with whether or not walls can do anything, one point of debate concerns the flow of drugs on the southern border. In a shocking revelation from a member of Congress, only 10% of Illegal Drug Sh...

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Jared Kushner Snafues Fifth Avenue With NRA Pistol Range

Funny story: Jared Kushner Snafues Fifth Avenue With NRA Pistol Range

New York, NYC - (Rotters): FBI agents are studying reports that a 2015 Manhattan-wide temporal lobotomy** triggered a former bigwig prosecutor’s unsolved drive-by shooting according to statements plagiarised from a Russian fake news site. This mo...

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Pink Floyd Sue Donald Trump Over ‘The Wall’

Funny story: Pink Floyd Sue Donald Trump Over ‘The Wall’

Los Angeles, California - (Litigation Mess): A civil lawsuit filed this morning says President Trump has committed gross plagiarism in his claims to The Wall. Lawyers acting for former Pink Floyd band members allege Trump began abusing his presid...

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Polar Bears Are Changing Color

Funny story: Polar Bears Are Changing Color

Polar Bears, the big, beautiful 'White Warriors of the North', are adapting to climate change in a totally unexpected way that was unforeseen by scientists, in that they are changing their color. The bears, who live almost 'unseen' in the totally...

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Internationally Famous Ghost Hunter's Penis Too Small To Enter Hoia Baciu Forest In Romania At Night Without Cameras

Funny story: Internationally Famous Ghost Hunter's Penis Too Small To Enter Hoia Baciu Forest In Romania At Night Without Cameras

With an ego the size of Jupiter, and a constant desire for media attention because he feels insecure with himself, internationally-famous ghost hunter, Jonathan Casey, confessed last Tuesday that his penis is only 4 inches long when fully erect, and...

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Grantham Residents Practise Pulling Margaret Thatcher Statue From Its Moorings

Funny story: Grantham Residents Practise Pulling Margaret Thatcher Statue From Its Moorings

There's nothing like being prepared, and that's just what the residents of one Lincolnshire town had on their minds yesterday, as they got ready to fight back against authority, and show what they are made of. The townsfolk of Grantham, where the...

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Super Bowl Bores Fans Rigid

Funny story: Super Bowl Bores Fans Rigid

The New England Patriots overcame the Los Angeles Rams to become the Super Bowl victors for a record-equalling sixth time, in what was one of the most tedious matches of football many spectators could remember. The final result - 13-3 - tells the...

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Governor Northam Claims Picture Is Sammy Davis Jr. And Frank Sinatra Singing “Mr. Bojangles.”

Funny story: Governor Northam Claims Picture Is Sammy Davis Jr. And Frank Sinatra Singing “Mr. Bojangles.”

BILLINGSGATE POST: This morning, despite admitting previously that he was one of the folks in the yearbook depicting a Black Face and a hooded Klansman, Virginia Governor Ralph Northam now denies he was in the picture. With everyone from Nancy Pe...

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Cell phone found in puddle shows Guaido confused but ready for more input from US

Funny story: Cell phone found in puddle shows Guaido confused but ready for more input from US

Mr. Guaido’s cell phone and its lengthy texting found in a rain swamp yesterday has been confirmed as deriving from the self-proclaimed leader of Venezuela. The phone might have been flung into the puddle during a tempestuous moment in relations w...

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Trump Playing With Tiny Toy Soldiers Guarding Tiny Wall on His Desk

Funny story: Trump Playing With Tiny Toy Soldiers Guarding Tiny Wall on His Desk

Some say he is spending his executive time watching TV. Some say he is tweeting. There’s been a lot of speculation about the ways in which the President of the United States spends his unstructured, “executive time”. The whole thing would’ve rema...

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Man Had Unwelcome Woman Guest At His House For Two Days

Funny story: Man Had Unwelcome Woman Guest At His House For Two Days

Hospitality is a wonderful thing, but not when your wife extends it to a woman you're not keen on, who then proceeds to stay overnight and treat your house as if it were her own. That's the scenario that presented itself to one man in Tapon at the...

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Head-widening procedures increasing among youth, experts concerned

Funny story: Head-widening procedures increasing among youth, experts concerned

US experts are concerned about a steady rise in cosmetic procedures to widen the head and enlarge the eyes in mostly teen and preteen girls. Jennifer Smith is 12 years old, and she has been begging her parents for the last two years to get the upp...

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New York Woman’s Horoscope Exceeds Expectations

Funny story: New York Woman’s Horoscope Exceeds Expectations

Craving guidance one Tuesday morning at work, Ellen Payne, a Gemini living in New York City, turned to her daily horoscope. Disappointingly, she found her general horoscope to be rather basic and vague, as was her love horoscope. But when she clicked...

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Atheists Also Enjoy Fridays

Funny story: Atheists Also Enjoy Fridays

While the refrain "Thank God it's Friday!" might seem to suggest that appreciation of the arrival of the final day of the work-week is reserved for the devout, polls show that atheists also enjoy Fridays. "Just because I'm not thanking some imagin...

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Scamatology Recruits Religious Groups from All Over the Universe to Protest A & E Broadcasts

Funny story: Scamatology Recruits Religious Groups from All Over the Universe to Protest A & E Broadcasts

Clearly Mental, FL The Cult of Scamatology has been gathering religious groups from all over to protest with them what they are calling "great religious oppression." This started when the A&E Network ran programs exposing corruption, religiou...

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Wife Beats Up Hubby Because of a Song

Funny story: Wife Beats Up Hubby Because of a Song

Truth be told -- it wasn't just ANY song the hubby was crooning. It was that old 1909 song, "My Wife's Gone to the Country (Hurrah! Hurrah!)." Music by Ted Snyder, with lyrics by Irving Berlin and George Whiting. Here's an excerpt: My wif...

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Nashville Man Sees a Sign and Transforms His Life

Funny story: Nashville Man Sees a Sign and Transforms His Life

Cody Gray of Nashville, Tennessee, had an unfortunate habit of having just a little - okay, a lot – too much to drink and then recklessly driving himself home. He’d never had an accident or been stopped by the police, but in the back of his mind, he...

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President Trump Suffers Amnesia Over Jamal Khashoggi

Funny story: President Trump Suffers Amnesia Over Jamal Khashoggi

President Donald Trump has said he is trying his best to comply with the wishes of Congress by replying to their letter about the murdered Saudi dissident journalist, Jamal Khashoggi, but can't for the life of him, remember who Khashoggi was. Sena...

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Born-Again Baby in Boston

Funny story: Born-Again Baby in Boston

In more a medical miracle than an instance of evangelical fervor, South Boston became the (double-)birthplace of the nation’s first ever born-again baby, Robbie Fitzpatrick. While doctors are still struggling to pin down the scientific details. t...

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Auckland’s Mt Eden volcano blows its top at $50,000 fine for smoking in public.

Funny story: Auckland’s Mt Eden volcano blows its top at $50,000 fine for smoking in public.

$50,000 Fine. Please pay immediatelyVolcanoes in New Zealand have been grumbling at the Government’s constant annual walloping of smokers of raising prices by 10% every year. Volcanoes consider themselves original inhabitants of New Zealand, and have...

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How Often will Pelosi Applaud Trump Tonight?

Sitting behind President Donald Trump at the State of the Union speech a year ago were Senate leader Mitch McConnell and House Speaker Paul Ryan. Every time the president made a point appealing to Republicans, McConnell and Ryan were on their feet, a...

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Chinese New Year Celebrations: Your Guide

Funny story: Chinese New Year Celebrations: Your Guide

It's that time of year again - February - and that means only one thing: no, not St. Valentine's Day, or Mardi Gras, or even Pancake Day; it is, of course, Chinese New Year! The Chinese certainly like to be different. Not only do they like to spea...

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Concerned Wisconsin Resident Determined To End 'Abusive' Company Strategy Of Selling Shitty, Expired Beer To People Who Live In The Midwest

Funny story: Concerned Wisconsin Resident Determined To End 'Abusive' Company Strategy Of Selling Shitty, Expired Beer To People Who Live In The Midwest

Crawford County. After consuming two bottles of cheap wine and some tequila, smoking 3 packs of Marlboro Reds, and then relentlessly draining 28 cans of 'Natural Ice' beer, local resident, Brad Harvell, fell down on the front doorstep of his house b...

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Pope Francis to Allow Masturbation, But Only Among Priests and Only with Biblically-themed Porn

Funny story: Pope Francis to Allow Masturbation, But Only Among Priests and Only with Biblically-themed Porn

THE VATICAN—Pope Francis, in his new encyclical Masturbationes Licit, has now opened the practice of masturbation to some, but not all, Catholics. Said Pope Francis, “Given that our esteemed clergy appear to have—how do you say?—too much unrequited...

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Man's Unwelcome Guest Had Cheapfucker Imitation Bag

Funny story: Man's Unwelcome Guest Had Cheapfucker Imitation Bag

In a story published earlier on these pages regarding a man who had to endure an unwanted female houseguest, due to his wife's kindness, I had intended to mention the woman's possessions were stored in a cheapfucker adidas-imitation bag, but I forgot...

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Valentine's Day Cards Withdrawn From Shelves In 'Porn' Row

Funny story: Valentine's Day Cards Withdrawn From Shelves In 'Porn' Row

A series of Valentine's Day cards has had to be removed from the shelves of cardshops all across the country, after there were complaints from customers who said their content was "nothing short of pornographic". Valentine's Day, on February 14, i...

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Zombie deer disease sweeping US and Canada originated at political rally with Sarah Sanders

Funny story: Zombie deer disease sweeping US and Canada originated at political rally with Sarah Sanders

Health authorities are now warning that instead of CWD (chronic wasting disease) spreading to humans, it derives from humans. Known as “zombie deer disease” in its current form, recent news has warned of animals such as deer, elk, and moose behavi...

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Nashville Pig Declines to Be Featured in BBQ Restaurant Logo

Funny story: Nashville Pig Declines to Be Featured in BBQ Restaurant Logo

A pig named Pete made waves recently when he declined a potentially lucrative opportunity to be featured in the logo for Nashville hot spot Happy Hog BBQ, despite admittedly not having an alternative source of income. Pete was reportedly immune to...

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Man's Valentine's Day Gift Went Unappreciated

Funny story: Man's Valentine's Day Gift Went Unappreciated

A man who thoughtfully bought his wife a Valentine's Day gift of a new top-of-the-range toaster, has told of the negative way in which the gift was received. Malcolm Green, of Manchester, purchased the white, 2-slice toaster from a local electrica...

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Ricky Martin claims to not washing his hands

Funny story: Ricky Martin claims to not washing his hands

Ricky Martin confessed to never washing his hands since he was nine-years-old when Elton John touched his hands at a concert in New York City. Martin was in the front row at the concert when Elton John stopped playing the piano and stepped off st...

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Ginsburg Back In Court: Her Taxidermist Says “Ruthie Looks More Alive Than Ever”

Funny story: Ginsburg Back In Court: Her Taxidermist Says “Ruthie Looks More Alive Than Ever”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Mounting werewolves and roadkill kept business brisk at the taxidermy and animal shop that preserved Roy Rogers horse, Trigger. The same taxidermist who preserved Trigger, along with Dale Evans horse, Buttermilk, and their Germ...

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Man's Wife Cut His Hair, With An Outcome That Was Less Than Satisfactory

Funny story: Man's Wife Cut His Hair, With An Outcome That Was Less Than Satisfactory

Bangkok, Thailand - A man who allowed his wife to cut his hair was left ruing his decision today, after the enterprise went disastrously wrong, and had to be put right by a visit to someone who knew what he was doing. Moys Kenwood, 51, of Bangpako...

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Harlem Globetrotters In Row With The Spoof Over Logo

Funny story: Harlem Globetrotters In Row With The Spoof Over Logo

The Harlem Globetrotters, the famous globetrotting basketball superstars from Harlem, who wowed fans in the 1970s with their crazy-but-skilful on-court antics, are considering taking legal action against the owner of a satirical news website over the...

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Insecure, Manipulative, Vicious, Bossy, Emotionally-Unstable Correctional Officer Reaches '10 Year Work Anniversary'

Funny story: Insecure, Manipulative, Vicious, Bossy, Emotionally-Unstable Correctional Officer Reaches '10 Year Work Anniversary'

Minnesota. Lisa Degner, 32, reached her '10 Year Work Anniversary' as an officer at the Olsen Correctional Facility last Monday. Lisa, who is well-known by her fellow correctional officers for being manipulative, bossy, incompetent, cruel, and...

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Old Bag Shopping Trolley Sales At 40-Year High

Funny story: Old Bag Shopping Trolley Sales At 40-Year High

Figures out today reveal an unexpected upturn in retail sales for the month of January, with many shops that sell those 'old bag' shopping trolleys (pictured) reporting a huge increase in demand. The trolleys are the preferred method of conveying...

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Man Loves His Wife So Much, He Hasn't Got The Heart To Tell Her That Her Dress Is Absolutely Fucking Garish

Funny story: Man Loves His Wife So Much, He Hasn't Got The Heart To Tell Her That Her Dress Is Absolutely Fucking Garish

A man has confessed that he loves his wife so very much, that he doesn't have the heart to tell her that her new dress, which she adores, and wears at every opportunity, is so profoundly garish, he almost vomits every time he sees it. The dress, a...

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Fly-Face Pelosi Explains Trump Clapback: “Was Actually Zapping A Fly”

Funny story: Fly-Face Pelosi Explains Trump Clapback: “Was Actually Zapping A Fly”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Sometimes the truth is stranger than fiction. Everyone in the Beltway knows that Nancy Pelosi hates to be called “Fly-Face.” But for years she has had to wear an ACME Bug-Zapper around her neck to keep those nasty pests off her...

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Bezos Takes Over National Enquirer and Merges it With Washington Post

Funny story: Bezos Takes Over National Enquirer and Merges it With Washington Post

Although it was thought that the National Enquirer would become the advertising insert of the venerable Washington Post, it turns out it is actually to become more of a print version of Amazon.com. Bezos has long envied the Enquirer's place on th...

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Man Doesn't Understand Why He Can't Find Work

Funny story: Man Doesn't Understand Why He Can't Find Work

A gifted graduate from medicine school, with many other useful practical skills, cannot comprehend why he has, thus far, been so unsuccessful in the job market. Maris Radszcinszi studied Medicine for four years, and, when an opening didn't immedia...

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Trump calls Dem Candidates: “Worst Bunch Of Losers Since Nuremberg Trials”

Funny story: Trump calls Dem Candidates: “Worst Bunch Of Losers Since Nuremberg Trials”

BILLINGSGATE POST: Pocahontas, Spartacus, Willie Brown’s Ho, Kirsten Giveaway; the list goes on. Asked if he was afraid of any of them in 2020, Trump responded: “Stupid Question. Worst bunch of losers since Nuremberg trials.” Asked by intrepid...

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No 10 Rose Garden Wedding This Summer For New UK PM Boris Johnson

Funny story: No 10 Rose Garden Wedding This Summer For New UK PM Boris Johnson

London, UK - (Riotous): Tory Party compost heap gardeners are readying to bed down Downing Street’s half acre of splendid floribunda hybrid tease in anticipation of a summer wedding according to The Spoof’s man-with-the-hoe. The new follows recen...

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Acting US Attorney General A Dead Ringer For Jeremy ‘World’s Hottest Felon’ Meeks

Funny story: Acting US Attorney General A Dead Ringer For Jeremy ‘World’s Hottest Felon’ Meeks

Washington DC - (Reuterus): President Trump’s acting US Attorney General Matthew Whitaker has a red-hot doppelgänger according to a flagship FBI facial recognition data dump harvested at The Spoof. Eminent Justice Department honcho Matthew Whitak...

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Vatican to Release New Bible in Modernized Latin

Funny story: Vatican to Release New Bible in Modernized Latin

VATICAN, ROME - Pope Francis plans to publish a "Modern and Scientific Bible for the World." However, it will be written entirely in Latin, because ... that's what the Catholic Church does. Inside sources say His Holiness has spent over a year on thi...

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Black And White Minstrel Show To Make Comeback!

Funny story: Black And White Minstrel Show To Make Comeback!

The Black and White Minstrel Show, the popular 'blackface' song and dance extravaganza broadcast on BBC television for 20 years, is to astound viewers once more, by making a comeback to the small screen this spring. The show, which was axed in 197...

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Billionaires abolished. Trillionaire Uncle Sam exempt.

Funny story: Billionaires abolished. Trillionaire Uncle Sam exempt.

Increasingly, members of Congress support measures to abolish America’s billionaires. Tough cookies if you happen to be a Jeff Bezos, Bill Gates, or Warren Buffet. However, Uncle Sam, America’s only trillionaire, stands to reap an enormous windfall...

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Search For Ernest Shackleton Ship Abandoned After Everything Lost

Funny story: Search For Ernest Shackleton Ship Abandoned After Everything Lost

A search for Sir Ernest Shackleton's ship, Endurance, lost in the icy floes of the Antarctic in 1915, has been called off after a piece of equipment critical to the search was also lost. After months of trying to survive in extreme conditions whe...

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Local Man Retires Two Years Early to Spend More Time Fuming About Ocasio-Cortez on Social Media

Lima, Ohio - A local man, Melvin Edwards, decided to leave his job at a local auto parts factory because he didn’t have enough time to post critical information about freshman Congresswoman Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez and other Democratic women legislato...

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Popsicles Melting at Alarming Rate

Funny story: Popsicles Melting at Alarming Rate

A daycare center in Oakland, California, experiencing the extreme effects of rising global temperatures, has reported that popsicles are melting at an alarming rate. “Children are our future,” said daycare attendant Maria Vazquez, “and our kids ar...

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Should Trump Be Fired?

Funny story: Should Trump Be Fired?

Newscasters at roundtable discussions, (behind closed doors and far away from television cameras) are discussing whether Donald Trump should be removed from office and sent permanently to Mar-a-Lago. While emergencies come and go, Donald Trump is...

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Donald Trump Still Focused On As Comedians and Writers Continue To Lose Artistic Value

Funny story: Donald Trump Still Focused On As Comedians and Writers Continue To Lose Artistic Value

With the days of Chevy Chase making fun of Gerald Ford on Saturday Night Live long gone (along with other famous comedy legends like Bill Hicks, Chris Farley, Richard Pryor, Sam Kinison, Rodney Dangerfield, Robin Williams, and George Carlin) unpaid '...

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Man Vows He Has Written His Last President Trump Story

Funny story: Man Vows He Has Written His Last President Trump Story

After coming in for some perceived light-hearted criticism over the repeated use of the outspoken US president, Donald Trump, as a topic to write about, a writer on a satirical news website has vowed that he has written his last President Trump story...

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Turning Point UK In Total Confusion Over Stuff

Funny story: Turning Point UK In Total Confusion Over Stuff

Turning Point UK, the new right-wing student organisation, is this morning reeling in confusion over more-or-less everything it could think of. Having seen its launch on social media dogged by dozens of parody accounts, making fun of it, TPUK's ch...

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Free Gluten for Low-Income Americans

Funny story: Free Gluten for Low-Income Americans

With a surfeit of gluten on its hands due to a rising demand for gluten-free food products, the United States government recently announced that its Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program will be offering free gluten to low-income Americans. "I...

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Trump Signs Executive Order Requiring all Nuclear Reactors To Run on Coal

Funny story: Trump Signs Executive Order Requiring all Nuclear Reactors To Run on Coal

President Trump has signed an executive order with new Energy rules. The first is that all nuclear reactors must switch to coal as an energy source. Trump's new rules also require burning books to use for heat and energy, since, as Trump says, "n...

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300-Pound Sow Kills French Noble In Fight Over Truffle

Funny story: 300-Pound Sow Kills French Noble In Fight Over Truffle

BILLINGSGATE POST: Never buy a pig in a poke. In the Provence region of France, an area known for being a source of truffles, a 300-pound sow named Bernadette fought her master to the finish in a battle over a black truffle. The northern part of th...

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Diane Abbott To Host TV's 'Countdown'

Funny story: Diane Abbott To Host TV's 'Countdown'

Diane Abbott, the popular Labour MP, and all-round entertainer, is to be the new host of teatime TV gameshow, 'Countdown', it has been revealed. 'Countdown' is a British game show broadcast on Channel 4, involving word and number puzzles. It was p...

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Alexandria “The Great” Ocasio-Cortez Meets Slim Everdingle

Funny story: Alexandria “The Great” Ocasio-Cortez Meets Slim Everdingle

BILLINGSGATE POST: It appears that Slim Everdingle has a chick problem. At first glance, one would think they would be an odd couple; Ocasio-Cortez, a loudmouth commie-Iiberal who advocates the redistribution of wealth, and Everdingle, an integral...

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Another One Of Man's Stories Bites The Dust

Funny story: Another One Of Man's Stories Bites The Dust

A writer on a satirical news website has recounted how, despite writing for more than 18 hours of each and every single day for the last 12 years, he still can't dredge a story up that might score him some serious pointage. Moys Kenwood, 65, writi...

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Highly Intoxicated Resident Ponders 'The Totality of All Existence' While Simultaneously Listening To Eckhart Tolle Interviews And Watching The Ghost Channel

Funny story: Highly Intoxicated Resident Ponders 'The Totality of All Existence' While Simultaneously Listening To Eckhart Tolle Interviews And Watching The Ghost Channel

Platteville, Wisconsin. Without the use of marijuana or any other form of drug, Brad Smith, 39, entered a unique and extremely bizarre 'state of mind' during which he began to ponder the 'totality of all physical and spiritual existence' last Saturd...

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Donald J. Trump- Just The Enema America Needs.

Funny story: Donald J. Trump- Just The Enema America Needs.

Donald J. Trump- Just The Enema America Needs. He said he was gonna do it and, dad-gum if he didn't gone and dooded it. The Donald provided the laxatorial stimulus needed to remove decades of inner stagnant, potentially cancerous fecal growth that...

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