Rolling Stones Cancel Tour; Rolling Stone Suspends Publication

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Sunday, 31 March 2019

Almost lost amid the concern for Mick Jagger, whose illness prompted postponement of the Rolling Stones' summer tour of the U.S. and Canada, was a startling announcement that caught readers and the magazine's newsroom staff by complete surprise. Rolling Stone revealed today that it will cease publication on April 1, after over a half century covering the entertainment world.

Publisher and founder, Jann Wenner, posted the sorrowful news on Facebook. "Unfortunately, and with a heavy heart, today Rolling Stone has had to announce the suspension of publication as of April 1, 2019. This regrettable decision is the result of declining interest in print publications. In this case, the online edition will no longer be published either.

"We look forward to restoring the publication at some point in the not too distant future. In the meantime, we wish our writers and editors well, and thank our many loyal readers who stayed with us over the years and enjoyed the over-the-edge writing by our staff."

One dismayed writer, who was to begin work for Rolling Stone on Monday, surveyed his possibilities. "I gave up walking dogs for a living when Stone offered me a full time position writing about the film world. I hope I can get the dogs back."

Rolling Stone stock fell over 70 percent in overnight trading.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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