Democrats and Republicans Alike Lose Track of Why They Officially Condemn Whistleblower Chelsea Manning

Written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 13 March 2019

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Urging compassion, Hillary Clinton stated, "Manning deserves the best mental healthcare our prison system has to offer."

“This man-woman is putting our entire freedom of the press at risk!” declared President Trump. “If we start letting confused, troubled people sell their secrets to Wikileaks in order to fund their sex-change operations, what’s next? Rigged elections?”

“As usual, President Trump’s got his facts mixed up," said former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton. “Chelsea Manning didn’t sell classified government information to fund her sex-change operation. But it’s morally reprehensible that she’s refused to testify against Wikileaks founder Julian Assange regarding the multiple sexual assault allegations against him in Sweden. With Manning as their example, how will other victims of sexual assault ever have the courage to speak out?”

Clinton went on to state, however, that the bigger issue is email hacking. Clinton's political reputation plummeted following the release by Wikileaks of hacked emails showing that she had used a private message server to convey classified government information, and other emails demonstrating the DNC's bias against her then-rival Bernie Sanders. "Hacking is a real problem," she emphasized. "And Manning needs to accept accountability.”

On her part, Manning asserted, “Both major parties are intentionally muddying the issues in order to distract from their own problematic conduct." Manning noted that there are no sexual assault allegations pending against Assange in Sweden, a fact that's been corroborated by the Swedish government. “Given the moral turpitude of both corporate parties, neither Republicans nor Democrats have much to gain by protecting freedom of the press. And people like Edward Snowden, Julian Assange, myself, and countless other truth-tellers are the ones caught in the crossfire. Ultimately, though, it's the American people who will suffer if our most fundamental liberties aren't preserved.”

"Do you hear that incoherent, paranoid babbling?" responded President Trump. "It's evident that Manning’s completely lost it. Probably the hormones," he added, snickering.

In a rare moment of alignment with the president, Hillary Clinton agreed. “It's clear that Manning has a major psychological disorder." At the same time, Clinton shamed Trump for his lack of compassion regarding Manning's psych issues. "Manning deserves the best mental healthcare our prison system has to offer," she stated.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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