Man Experiences His Hottest Weather Ever, As His Blood Starts To Boil

Written by Monkey Woods

Thursday, 14 March 2019

image for Man Experiences His Hottest Weather Ever, As His Blood Starts To Boil
Bring to the boil, then simmer all year round

Steamy-hot temperatures were almost too much for one man yesterday, when contrary to the laws of human biology, his blood started to boil.

Moys Kenwood, 55, had been teaching in the air-conditioned classrooms at the school where he works, when he emerged into the sunlight for the first time in several hours. A blinding light attacked his eyes, and he shaded his face with his hand.

Almost immediately, he felt different. His hands started to become clammy, his forehead broke out in a profuse sweat, he could sense a rise in his own body's temperature, and he noticed a marked increase in his heart-rate.

By the time he'd walked across the playground - where, due to the intense heat, nobody was playing - he could feel his blood coarsing through his veins like an express train, and knew he had to get out of the sun. He sat on a bench in the shade, but this was also a place where there was no breeze, and he made for indoors once more.

Before he got there, however, a local teacher stopped him in the red hot sun and began to ask him banal questions about tests. He stood this for as long as he could, then walked away from her without a word. The disgusted look on her face told him:

"I hope your blood boils!"

As luck would have it, his blood was already boiling, and fairly 'bubbling' along his veins making a sound like water in a kettle. He ran back into an air-conditioned area just in time, and collapsed into a chair, looking dishevelled.

Later reports confirmed the air temperature as having been 40°C, with hotter weather predicted for next month.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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