An Achievment for the Ages: Elderly Woman Proud to Have Written ‘New York Times Bestselling Will’

Funny story written by Jesus H. Christ

Sunday, 31 March 2019

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Esther Hammons celebrating her 93rd birthday in style.

Stating that she couldn’t have gotten this far without the love and support from her wonderful family, 93-year-old Esther Hammons reported, Tuesday, being “proud to be the authoress of a New York Times Bestselling Will”.

“I’m a simple woman,” Esther stated in an exclusive interview, “I’ve done my good and I’ve done my bad. Done my part to make this world a better place, and I’m happy with my life. I always had a knack for wills, but golly, God knows I’d never expected this.”

“I’ve written hundreds of wills in my time, some going back to when I was only in my twenties, but this one flew off of the shelf like no other. I’ve been pretty active in writing now that I’m retired and have all this time to really think of good ideas, like who my humble fortune goes to, who gets the house and what not. It’s not easy to be old and I guess I need a lot more wills now than I did then.”

“But I’m just so humbled by this experience. Like everyone just welcomed me and my writing into their lives. Everywhere I go I got people asking all these questions like ‘Wait are you the one who wrote that will?’, or ‘What’s your preference, cremation or burial?’ and sometimes even ‘Why would you do this to me?’ and it just leaves the dumbest smile on my face. Makes me so happy.”

“So I have a message for the youth. No matter how many wills you make, don’t give up. I sometimes had trouble staying motivated to write through all the hard times, but it can also serve as a great coping mechanism, to know that if you ever do kick the bucket, there will be plenty of heirs to steal everything you’ve worked for, and fight for and about it over your grave.”

At press time, Esther was reportedly celebrating with her great grandson, Timmy, after he had written the New York Times Bestselling Suicide Note. This happy family is really rolling in the victories. We are so happy for them.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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