There were 271 spoof news stories published in March 2019. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Man In Boardroom Smelt It, But Had Not Dealt It
A man in a boardroom meeting has told how he became aware of an odious smell that had nothing to do with him. Michael Brackley, 26, an executive trainee at Pratley-Whiffer Marketing Consultants explained that he was in a group policy meeting on ma...
Read full storyUnproductive Aussies farted out of their jobs
Australian business men and women (do they fart too?) have discovered a way of ridding their companies of useless unproductive workers, causing a humongous 'stench'. Employees on long contracts who are caught 'resting on their laurels' or, on the...
Read full storyTrump Advises Netanyahu on Avoiding Prison
Benjamin Netanyahu, Israel's Prime Minister, faces a possible trial on charges of bribery, fraud and corruption after his attorney general announced that he would file for an indictment. Seeking advice from someone who's been there, he reached out to...
Read full storyMan Became Sexually Aroused In Queue At Bakery
A man waiting in line at a bakery shop in New York has told friends how, in looking around at the various items for sale, he became sexually aroused. Arthur Fandango stood in the queue at the Jake's Cakes bakery in Queens, when his absent-minded g...
Read full storyThe REAL Reason the Marshall Kim Jong-Un and President Donald Trump Talks Broke Down
Saigon, Vietnam Although the world was left wondering why Trump left the North Korean-U.S. Disarmanent Talks early is because there was an incident that was kept secret. While many news agencies went along with the idea that Kim was soft on givin...
Read full storyQuantum Mechanics Book Left Man Stumped
A text book about Quantum Mechanics that one man pulled off a library shelf because he'd always fancied learning about what Quantum Mechanics really were, probably made him wish he hadn't bothered when he discovered that the subject was rather too ba...
Read full storyBanksy Now In Existential Period
Banksy, the street artist, whose stencil-design works attract media attention all over the world, has changed direction, and has now entered his 'Existential Period'. The Bristol-based artist is famous for stealing around under cover of darkness w...
Read full storyTrans female athletes highly prized by college recruiters
Following record-setting performances by trans female high school athletes across the country, college recruiters are taking notice of the impact these athletes are having on women’s sports. “Well, what we’re seeing is nothing short of a revolutio...
Read full storyOn Becoming A Storm Trooper - One Piece Of Armor At A Time
They take you on when you are crippled, weak. They know that, when you are vulnerable, they can mold you into the relentless warrior machine they want you to be. In the beginning, you can wear only black, in homage to the All Great, Ever-Seeing, A...
Read full storyMan Who Eats A Lot Of Fish Develops A Hankering For The Sea
A man who eats an astonishing amount of fish and chips for his tea, has revealed how, recently, he has experienced a strange, burning inner passion to live in the sea. Moys Kenwood, 55, eats a plate of fish and chips, on average, four times a week...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Breaks Silence
In a tiny, aging building along a busy Mesa, Arizona street, local fortune teller Madam Lisbane finishes a palm reading for one of her regular customers. She tells her that the coming equinox will create unimaginable havoc in her life, and that she m...
Read full storyWeightlifter Drops Dumbbell On His Face Due To Severe Depression While Song, "Dust In The Wind," Plays In The Background
Wisconsin. On the morning of Tuesday, February 26th, local Prairie du Chien resident, Tom Smith, 39, dropped a 50-pound dumbbell on his face while doing heavy incline presses at a gym several blocks down the street from where he lives. Feeling...
Read full storyHome Secretary Has Blood On His Hands
Home secretary, Sajid Javid, the man who was responsible for the revoking of Shamima Begum's British citizenship, has now become responsible for the death of another British citizen - Shamima's 3-week-old son, Jarrah, who died of pneumonia in a Syria...
Read full storyMichael Cohen gets Hollywood Blvd Star
Hollywood, CA. The Bored Directors - yes, that's what they call themselves - of the famed Hollywood Walk of Fame, voted today to place a star on the fabled sidewalk in recognition of Michael "Flip" Cohen's unequaled performance before House and Senat...
Read full storyWriting Instructor Has Trouble Completely Barring Students from Using Adverbs
In her course emphasizing punchy, to-the-point writing, Crestwood Community College Professor Sandra Finn strongly advises her students to avoid using adverbs, but found she had trouble completely barring them from doing so. “I tried to tell them...
Read full storyThis Country Declares War On That One
After mounting tension over the last two weeks between the two countries, fighting finally broke out along the border, and a declaration made at 3pm this afternoon, was that This Country is at war with That One. Hostilities then commenced in earne...
Read full storyIndian Fighter Pilot To Captain Cricket Team Against Pakistan In World Cup
Indian fighter pilot, Abhinandan Varthaman, the man captured then released by Pakistan after his bombing raid went wrong, has been praised by millions on social media, and has been awarded the highest accolade known to Indians - he is to be allowed t...
Read full storyWhite House Will Fill Vacant Federal Jobs by Lottery
Mira-la-go, FL There are very many federal jobs left open that Trump has never filled. Also, of the people that Trump DID appoint, more are quitting every day. Therefore, since the Human Resources Department, the ones who do the hiring and firing,...
Read full storyShamima Begum Has Been Fitted For Some Clogs
Shamima Begum, the 19-year-old former ISIS bride who has had her British citizenship rescinded by the UK government, is to go and live in Holland, and has been fitted for some clogs. She is a whopping size 11. Shamima, which means 'tulips', is...
Read full storyVegan Bodybuilder Annoyed at Being Called a Beefcake
"Stop calling me that!" railed handsome and inordinately well-muscled vegan bodybuilder Jack Henry Chadwick after one of his friends - for the umpteenth time - referred to him as a "beefcake." "It's not funny!" he added, only accelerating the chuc...
Read full storyTrump Orders Cohen Have His Gums Painted With Gentian Violet For Lying
BILLINGSGATE POST: Ominously, the day began with the Four Horses of the Apocalypse peacefully munching oats in the White House stables; their teeth tipped with rubber so that they would not wake up Slim Everdingle from his troubled slumber. Slim was...
Read full storyMongolia Ordered to Pay Reparations of $91 Quadrillion to Countries Invaded from A.D. 450-1420
Ulan Bator, Mongolia - A judge in the U.S. Ninth Circuit Court of Appeals has confirmed a lower court ruling that the country of Mongolia should pay reparations to every man, woman and child residing in the remaining countries of the world, of approx...
Read full storyInternational Women's Day Passes Off Without Incident
The annual International Women's Day celebrations got off to a bright-and-breezy early start today, with many women merely carrying on with their normal daily routines. In New York, housewife Barbara Oppression got busy with some ironing, before w...
Read full storyParents Secretly Think Their Well-Behaved Kid Is Super Lame
While outwardly praising him for his positive attitude and generally excellent behavior, Matt and Jenna Smith of Bozeman, Montana, secretly think their 12-year-old son, Tyler, is super lame. "He never talks back, never makes fun of anyone, and I n...
Read full storySea walnut organism’s anus-on-demand feature being studied toward possible evolutionary changes in political parties
Scientists are now offering new reports on the Mnemiopsis leidyl organism, called the Sea Walnut, also known as the Comb Jelly. Speculation has spread widely that the new information signifies information on evolutionary advances, particularly fo...
Read full storyScamatology Does NOT Use Brainwashing Techniques Scamatology Does NOT Use Brainwashing Techniques
Scamatology Does NOT Use Brainwashing Techniques is what we found out in our interview with Scientology representative Karen K-Pow. One thing she said in her interview that she thought was a misconception the public had about Scamatology, is that...
Read full storyCardinal Pell To Be Held In Colditz Castle
Cardinal George Pell, the sex beast, has been sentenced to six years in prison for the sexual assaults he carried out on two 13-year-old choir boys in Melbourne in 1996, and will now be locked away so that he might reflect on the pain he caused his v...
Read full storyR Kelly Reckons He Can Fly
Pop musician, R Kelly, currently at the center of an underage sex scandal, has today been undergoing psychiatric tests as a consequence of his repeated insistence of his belief that he can fly. Kelly was charged with ten counts of aggravated crimi...
Read full storyHeartbreaking: Distraught Toddler Has Trouble Living With Self After Failing to Make Paper Boat
Speaking of the difficulties of being so physically inept, unintelligent and overall rather boring, local 2-year-old, Ethan Scheve, was found crying about his inability to fold origami. “I’m just not sure how something so simple could be screwed...
Read full storyUniversity Challenge Staircase Collapses, Leaving Team Stranded 'Upstairs'
There was chaos on the set of University Challenge last night, when the staircase, which has always allowed one team to sit in an elevated position above their rivals - as seen on TV - collapsed, leaving one team high and dry. The contest, between...
Read full storyMovie Outs Michael As King Of Poop
Hollywood, Ca - (Ass Mess): A new film about King Michael says he wiped his arse on the criminal justice system and dumped all over the constitution of the United Snakes. Shot on location at an LA propofol factory the hour-long docu-drama examines...
Read full storyStress Massage Therapist Tells Iowa Resident To Consume Massive Amounts Of Beer And Tobacco After 90-Minute Healing Session
Davenport, Iowa. Unlike most professional stress massage therapists who recommend drinking water in order to stay hydrated and physically healthy after intense healing sessions designed to produce muscle relaxation while calming internal tension, Su...
Read full story"Increase Birth Rate," "Sex Vacations" - Goals of White Ultranationalists
Lausanne, Switzerland. Special to The Spoof. At this week's international conference of white ultranationalists from Europe, North America and other primarily white areas, the overwhelming concern of delegates was the low birth rate associated with t...
Read full storyStarbucks Mug Cracked First Time Man Poured Hot Water Into It
A mug produced by the world-famous coffee percolators, Starbucks Coffee, was found to be 'not fit for purpose' when one man decided to use it for the first time yesterday. Moys Kenwood, 55, gagging for a cup of tea, boiled some water in his kettle...
Read full storyStorm Blows Fast and Wet through Desperate Desert Town
A powerful rainstorm blew fast and wet through the desperate desert town of Henderson, Nevada, this weekend, bringing sticky sighs of relief - and of sheer pleasure - to residents desperate for lubrication. "Praise Jesus, was I happy to get some,"...
Read full storyMan Suffers Multiple Injuries After Ride In Tuk Tuk
A man is recovering at home this morning, after a bonecrushing ride in a Tuk Tuk yesterday, left him with injuries in places he didn't know you could be injured. Moys Kenwood, 55, of Tapon commune, was in Battambang town center with his family, an...
Read full storyQueen Guitarist Brian May In Hospital After Consistently Denying Any Connection To Theresa May
Brian May, the legendary lead-guitarist with rock group, Queen, is being cared for in a private hospital tonight after suffering a nervous breakdown as a result of years of denying any family connection between himself and UK prime minister, Theresa...
Read full storyMan invents time machine, travels 20 seconds backwards in time.
Dave Bennet, Utah, admits that he “could have made more” of his degree in theoretical physics, after he succeeded in sending himself backwards in time by twenty seconds last week. “Yeah, a lot of people are asking me "was it worth it?" I got to g...
Read full storyChuckle Brother Has Learnt To Laugh Again
When Barry Chuckle, one half of the Chuckle Brothers died in August 2018, Paul Chuckle, the other half, was hit hard. The pair were more than showbusiness brothers, they were real-life brothers, as their surname suggests, and blood is thicker than...
Read full storyShamima Begum Arrives Back In UK On Fake Passport
Shamima Begum, the girl who left Bethnal Green in London in 2015 to join ISIS forces in Syria, when she was only 15 years old, and whose British citizenship was rescinded by the UK government, has arrived safely back in the country on a fake passport...
Read full storyTen Things You May Not Have Known About: Holland
Holland is a lovely place, isn't it? And so flat! The perfect place to ride a bicycle, as flat as a pancake, with no impossibly-difficult hills to climb. Or that's what you think! Here are some things about Holland that you probably didn't know, a...
Read full storyThe Last Straw: Environmentalists ban Plastic Ones
Berkeley, CA. Those far-left, socialist-environmentalists at the University of California can't stop banning popular, useful things. Fresh from their success in banning the deliberately misnamed "single use" plastic bag, most of which were used multi...
Read full storyMeat-Loving Preacher Points Out that, Unlike with Humans, Little Scientific Evidence Exists that Animals Have Souls
After several parishioners approached him asking what he thought of adopting a vegan lifestyle out of compassion for animals, Pastor Raymond Roberts of Crossroads Christian Church in Nashville, Tennessee, assured them that people of faith need not co...
Read full storyAcquaintances Reluctantly Impressed by Musician’s Transparently False but Unwavering Humility
“It’s not about me, man,” is the refrain constantly heard by acquaintances of transparently egotistical but consistently ostensibly humble Nashville musician Freddie Adams. “I don’t give a shit about the chicks, the drugs, the money, the glam. I just...
Read full storyMan Experiences His Hottest Weather Ever, As His Blood Starts To Boil
Steamy-hot temperatures were almost too much for one man yesterday, when contrary to the laws of human biology, his blood started to boil. Moys Kenwood, 55, had been teaching in the air-conditioned classrooms at the school where he works, when he...
Read full storyScientists Think They Know Which Galaxy Has Donald Trump Under Its Control
Science Town, USA Scientists have long suspected that President Trump is under the control of an alien force. But for a long time they thought it was only Russia. However, scientists figured that even Russia couldn't benefit from all the hare-bra...
Read full storyIsolated Cabins In Forests Outside Of Civilization Along Eastern Coast Still Best Places To Retire For The Elderly
According to statistical research, isolated cabins in remote areas along the eastern coast of the United States are still the best places to retire for elderly couples who want to enjoy their remaining years. Underground cults, witch burning, en...
Read full storyTrump On Adam Schiff: “He’s A Pencil Neck - Little Dick - Bum F*ck”
BILLINGSGATE POST: From “Classy” Freddy Blassie to Rush Limbaugh to President Trump; tracing the origin of the ultimate insult used by Trump to describe California Congressman Adam Schiff’s diminutive neck has long been a challenge for Dr. Viscount...
Read full storyThe Four Horse’s Asses Of The Apocalypse
BILLINGSGATE POST: Defying all rational thought, the Four Horse’s Asses of the Apocalypse ride again. In Biblical lore they are known as Famine, Pestilence, Destruction and Death. These are only aliases. Their real names are Sanders, Pocahontas, Bet...
Read full storyConsumers Frustrated by Lack of Celebrity Chef-Branded Foods on Supermarket Shelves
Chicago - According to focus groups conducted by the Grocery Manufacturers Association in Chicago, supermarket consumers are most dissatisfied with the shortage of food products available that are endorsed by celebrity chefs like Emeril Lagasse, Wolf...
Read full storyBruce Lee Film Featured Villain Who Was Double Of 'World Of Sport' Dickie Davies
A TV viewer in Southeast Asia has reported an incident in which, during a movie he was watching, starring martial arts expert, Bruce Lee, he became aware of the presence of a villain in the film, who bore an uncanny likeness to the former 'World of S...
Read full storyChicken Ran Irresponsibly Across Road
A chicken has been warned about its cavalier behavior after it was almost the cause of a road accident on a country road on the outskirts of Battambang yesterday evening. The chicken, a scraggy, skinny black thing, thoughtlessly ran out into the r...
Read full storyEat This...And Die!
A new food guide for better health has come out recently, replacing the old pyramid-shaped one which suggested X-number of dairy, fruit, vegetables, meat and poultry. Sensing that the people of planet Earth are getting round and doughy, the new gu...
Read full storyTrans Fats Suspected Behind LGBT Smear
London, UK - (Lardarse Mess): A controversial government paper is being blamed for outrage among Britain’s LGBT community after linking non-binaries’ obesity with orally-ingested** trans fats. Researchers say the artificially-engineered dietary l...
Read full storyJussie Smollett Cleared Of Attempting To Incite Race War
Jussie Smollett, the former Empire actor who was dropped by the show after his hoax racist and homophobic attack allegations, has been cleared by a court of any wrongdoing, and specifically of trying to incite a race war between black people and whit...
Read full storyBernie Speechless in Oskaloussa at the Dais with “Deplorables”
Vermont senator and putative Presidential candidate Bernie Sanders was at a loss for “words” last night in this Midwestern Iowa hamlet of “Fly Over Country,” as reported by Dash Scribble, sometime stringer for the Des Moines Daily Manure Times. It...
Read full storyConor McGregor Has Holes In The Knees Of His Jim-Jams
Conor McGregor, the former UFC featherweight and lightweight champion, has a secret that he probably doesn't want you to know, but which we're going to tell you about anyway - the Irishman has holes in both knees of his pyjama trousers. McGregor,...
Read full story'Hawaii-Five-O' Fan Went To Honolulu, But Didn't See Any Of The Drama's Cops
A fan of TV cop drama, 'Hawaii-Five-O' travelled to Honolulu on a 7-day vacation, hoping that he might run into the stars of the show during filming, but returned home a disappointed man, when everyone he met was a stranger. Tom and Betty Barnwell...
Read full storyManchester United Manager Ole Gunnar Solskjaer Sacked
Ole Gunnar Solskjaer, the new Manchester United manager, whose position was only confirmed as permanent on Thursday, was sacked this morning. The Norwegian, 46, becomes the all-time record-breaking shortest-spell-in-charge-of-a-football-club recor...
Read full storyUS State Department Offers $10million 'Bounty' On Bin Laden Junior
World policeman, the United States of America, has taken it upon itself to, once again, do what it thinks it is entitled to do, to think for every man and woman, and to make decisions on behalf of every living soul on the planet, in order to ensure c...
Read full storyOrganizers Secretly Relieved that No One Smited during Nashville Atheist Convention
Wrapping up another highly successful annual atheist convention in Nashville, Tennessee, which brought together atheists, skeptics, humanists, and those "recovering from religion," conference organizers Hal Jenkins snd Gayle Fleming secretly breathe...
Read full storyConor McGregor Wants To Fight A Saber-Toothed Tiger
Conor McGregor, the former UFC featherweight and lightweight champion, who was arrested in Miami yesterday after damaging, then stealing, a fan's phone when the fan tried to photograph McGregor, has said he wants to fight a saber-toothed tiger. Mc...
Read full storyTranmere Rovers Fans Pissed At LGBT Spat
Tranmere, UK - (Lardarse Mess): A campaign targeting Merseyside football club Tranmere Rovers is pissed off at daft political correctness after fans’ nicknames were branded LGBT crap. Affectionately known as the Trannies, the Prenton Park, Birken...
Read full storyIncreased School 'Drop-Out' Rate Pleases Both Teachers And Administrators Alike
La Crosse, Wisconsin. Although they didn't want to admit it, teachers and administrators at Lincoln High School have been extremely pleased with the increasing numbers of students from troubled homes who are dropping out of school at higher and high...
Read full storyCat Attack Caught On Video
A series of incidents in Denver involving a seemingly deranged cat is a step nearer to being solved tonight, after yet another unprovoked attack on a young child was caught on video. The cat, a black one, apparently lays in wait in bushes or long...
Read full storyMan Applies To Government To Relive His Childhood
A man has sent an official request to the government to be able to relive his entire childhood until he was age 16, in return for any time he might have left until he dies. Moys Kenwood, 55, from Hull, says he enjoyed the first sixteen years of hi…
Read full storyMan Had His Back Doors Kicked In
For the second time in just over a month, a man in San Francisco has suffered possibly the worst indignity one person could inflict upon another, especially if 'another' is a private business owner with a lack of good security at his premises. Rog...
Read full storyLiteral-Minded "Babysitter" Nearly Smothers Infant but Successfully Improvises
Adela Gomez, newly arrived in the United States from Venezuela and not yet fully fluent in idiomatic English, was confused but happy to help when her neighbor Anna asked her to "babysit" Anna's ten-month-old son, Nathan - only to comply literally wit...
Read full storyStranger Things No Longer Happening At Sea, Says Report
Results of a new survey seem to show that, contrary to the old adage that 'stranger things happen at sea', life on the ocean waves has become largely regularised, and odd, weird and uncanny things rarely happen there anymore. In the dim and distan...
Read full storyTrump Recognizes Jerusalem as Capital of Puerto Rico
Comtravening decades of American policy, President Donald Trump announced that the United States will recognize Jerusalem as the capital of Puerto Rico. "Just look at the palm trees and tell me these are not sister cities," said Trump. "I'm really...
Read full storyMan Almost Choked To Death On Fishbone, But Not Quite
A man enjoying a lovely plate of fish and chips was rudely interrupted from his evening repast, by one of the aforementioned marine creature's small-but-potentially-fatal bones, which lodged itself in the eater's gullet. Myke Woodson, who eats fis...
Read full storyJokester Obstetrician Told He Needs to Work on His Delivery
"The content is terrific, but you really need to work on your delivery," was the overall message maternity patients had for OB/GYN and amateur stand-up comic Sean O'Connell of Chicago, who has a standard practice of prescribing all his patients a hea...
Read full storyIndian Fighter Pilot's Handlebar Moustache Has Strange Mystical Powers
Abinhandan Varthaman, the pilot of the Indian Airforce plane which was shot down over Pakistani airspace last week, before he was freed at the weekend, has spoken about his outrageous handlebar moustache, which, he claims, has a strange, mystical aur...
Read full storyA Foreign Policy Post Mortem: Why the Trump-Un Talks Really Failed
According to evidence gathered by Politico, Mother Jones Magazine, and the New York Times, and corroborated by TMZ and Eddy’s Weekly Shopper, the failure of the United States and North Korea to reach an agreement has little to do with a quid pro quo...
Read full storyLions Attack Zebras Again
In what's become an almost regular occurrence in some parts of Africa, a group of zebras has been attacked by a pride of lions this morning, leaving two dead. The attack took place in northern Tanzania where the animals tend to hang out. The zebra...
Read full storyTrump Sues Self for Unauthorized Autobiography
Before heading back down to Mar-a-Lago, also known as the Southern White House, President Donald Trump announced that he would being suing himself for a “huge sum of money, as much money as I have.” While standing on the East Lawn before departing...
Read full storyAn Achievment for the Ages: Elderly Woman Proud to Have Written ‘New York Times Bestselling Will’
Stating that she couldn’t have gotten this far without the love and support from her wonderful family, 93-year-old Esther Hammons reported, Tuesday, being “proud to be the authoress of a New York Times Bestselling Will”. “I’m a sim...
Read full storyMan Completely Loses His Rag With Computer
A man who could, in no way, be described as a technological genius, has revealed how a computer at his workplace made him so angry that he decided to murder it, and did. Larry Sabu, 52, had been working at his job in an insurance office for three...
Read full storyCeltics Lose When Kyrie Irving Tries to Kick the Ball into the Hoop
The Boston Celtics lost to the Philadelphia 76ers Wednesday after Kyrie Irving missed a last second shot that he tried to drop kick into the hoop. “For the last shot, I called a play to get the ball to Kyrie, who would then drop kick the ball into...
Read full storyCanadian Rockers Teach Goat to Sing
Canadian rock band The Radically Whipped has found a replacement for deceased singer Gordon Downer. "When Gord died, we were really bummed out, because we knew no human being could replace him," said band member Bob Raker, "but then we started th...
Read full storyLego plan to ditch plastic and use REAL BRICKS
AWESOME plastic brick manufacturer, Lego, have decided to ditch ties with dirty oil companies, who pollute the planet by supplying all our everyday needs. A spokesman for Lego, a Mr Metalbeard, told this reporter, "We've had enough of these oil-prod...
Read full storyDemocrats and Republicans Alike Lose Track of Why They Officially Condemn Whistleblower Chelsea Manning
“This man-woman is putting our entire freedom of the press at risk!” declared President Trump. “If we start letting confused, troubled people sell their secrets to Wikileaks in order to fund their sex-change operations, what’s next? Rigged elections?...
Read full storyPresident Trump Is Going To Run America In The Style Of A James Bond Villain
After dashing off a veto to overturn the decision made by Congress regarding what he says is an emergency situation on the US/Mexican border, President Donald Trump today said that he is ready to roll his sleeves up, and get his hands dirty with the...
Read full storyRolling Stones Cancel Tour; Rolling Stone Suspends Publication
Almost lost amid the concern for Mick Jagger, whose illness prompted postponement of the Rolling Stones' summer tour of the U.S. and Canada, was a startling announcement that caught readers and the magazine's newsroom staff by complete surprise. Roll...
Read full storyLGBT Groups Not Happy With Straight Pride Event
Heterosexuals everywhere are celebrating tonight, after 'straight relationships' were given a governmental worldwide seal of approval, and 24 August pencilled-in for a 'Straight Pride Day', including a march through major cities all over the globe.
Read full storyAtlanta Preacher Speaks Out Against Artificial and Natural Intelligence
Dr. Ethan Holliston, pastor of the Blind Faith Baptist Church in Atlanta, Georgia, recently spoke out against artificial and natural intelligence, both of which he says threaten the very fabric of our modern-day society. "Did you know these AI rob...
Read full storyThousands of Middle Class Americans Storm Mexican Border Seeking Better Life.
A major melee occurred today on the American/Mexican border as thousands of middle class Americans stormed the fences and barricades separating them from Central American soil. Overwhelmed and surprised, Mexican border guards at first tried to halt t...
Read full storyBuffalo Bills To Spend Summer Vacation Relaxing
The Buffalo Bills have announced that the whole roster of Bills players will be spending from now until the start of next season in 'relaxation mode'. The Bills finished in second place in the AFC East last semester, but have resisted the urge to...
Read full storyOfficial - May and Merkel are same person
It's official. Angela Merkel and Theresa May are actually the same person. In a stunning revelation, Doris Boggs a hopeless schizophrenic from Neasden in north London, has finally admitted that these two mad women are actually just two of her many...
Read full story"Creamy White Flesh:" Mickey Spillane's Novels Banned as Racist, Sexist
The Library Consortium of America today banned all novels authored by mystery writer Mickey Spillane, who was labeled a white supremacist and misogynist by the librarians. Libraries throughout the United States will burn, rather than discard, all the...
Read full storyAlcoholic, Chain-Smoking, Famous Author Dies at 56
Internationally famous author, Charles B. Hardon, died horribly outside of his Florida home last Monday at 4:30 in the morning after experiencing hours upon hours of excruciating physical pain and unbearable torment. An autopsy revealed that he wa...
Read full storyBlindsided: NY Woman Learns Blind Boyfriend Not That Blind - and Has Been Seeing Someone Else
Meghan Larson of disability-friendly New York City was devastated to learn that her blind boyfriend, Lance, wasn't that blind - and had been seeing another woman for over a year. "They say love is blind, and it was literally true in my case," sai...
Read full storyEarth Day at Machu Picchu Went Badly
Machu Picchu, Peru. An American Peace Corps project designed to produce abundant and inexpensive electricity to this remote region of the Peruvian Andes has gone awry, threatening the existence of this ancient Inca city, and causing a mass exodus int...
Read full storyPay To Play Into College And The White House
Stop picking on Hollywood mothers with big smiles for trying to buy their kid into elite colleges. Indeed, it's painful enough for the mother to admit their kid is hopelessly slow. Why didn't they hire tutors to bridge the gap during high school?...
Read full storyExperts Applaud $94 TRILLION "Green Tech" Proposal
SAN FRANCISCO - When the wish-list for the "Green New Deal" became public, the $94 TRILLION price tag had millions of Americans staggering around in disbelief. Based on current tax rates and Federal spending, those who paid the taxes by working could...
Read full storyGranny Billingsgate’s Corn Beef And Cabbage Cobbler Dessert Recipe
BILLINGSGATE POST: It has been a tradition in the Billingsgate family to celebrate St. Patrick's day by quaffing down a pint or two of Guinness, followed by a special dessert that has been passed down from one generation to the next. We family refe...
Read full storyMan Feels That People Are Talking Behind His Back
A man who has attracted the attention of other people in connection with things he is doing, and the extent to which he is doing them, has become 'concerned' that they are all talking behind his back, like pussies. The man, who spoke to a colleagu...
Read full storyMayor Brags that NYC Only Fifth-Worst City to Live In
New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio proudly announced that according to a recent U.S. News and World Report study, the Big Apple is only the nation's fifth-worst major city to live in, comfortably edging out hellholes like Fresno, Stockton, Modesto, a...
Read full storyGrown Men Who Put Up "Liar Liar Pants on Fire" Poster in Congress Say Ocasio-Cortez is Crazy
Washington - At a recent Congressional hearing, Republican Paul Gosar, who once said that climate change isn't real because of "photosynthesis", watched in horror as Congresswoman Alexandra Ocasio-Cortez asked former Trump lawyer Michael Cohen pertin...
Read full storyThe untold facts on the opioid epidemic and the opioid-reversal drug Narcan, you should know
Opioids are a series of medications referred to as analgesia’s developed and prescribed to treat moderate to severe pain and have recently become one of the top medications to be abused following a viscous wave of overdoses in America, an epidemic if...
Read full storyUpdate- Caravan of Disgruntled Americans Reach Guatemalan Border.
The thousands of middle and working class Americans about whom we reported on March 13th of this year, have reached the Guatemalan border, and are camped-out there awaiting asylum to get in and take over the lands and homes left behind by native refu...
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