There were 204 spoof news stories published in September 2018. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Conor McGregor Banned From Fighting After Potatoes Found Growing Out Of His Ears
Conor McGregor, the former UFC featherweight and lightweight champion, has been suspended from all forms of fighting after potatoes were found growing in his lugoyles. McGregor, 30, the mixed martial artist, who is never far from controversy, was...
Read full storyThe Simpsons Replacing Apu with Funny New Character
For some time, the character of Apu on the Fox Channel's "The Simpsons" has been a source of controversy. Many viewers, especially those of South Asian ancestry, have been uncomfortable with the character, seeing it as the embodiment of the stereotyp...
Read full storyMelania Trump Wears "I'm with stupid" T-Shirt At State Dinner
At a fancy dinner attended by all the great dignitaries of world affairs, the president and first concubine of China were caught in open mouth stares when they heard the translation of what Melania Trump's t-shirt read. The ambassador to Chile spi...
Read full storyBarron Trump indicted! DC Rocked as Presidents youngest son latest victim of FBI investigation
For days, Democrats have been hinting at a major announcement coming out of Robert Meullers office; today the bombshell turned out to be the indictment of the President’s 12 year old son Barron. Mueller himself made the announcement, with a gleam in...
Read full storyWoman Claims Groping by Cabinet Designee as Newborn in NY Nursery
It may have happened over 50 years ago, but a NY woman claims she remembers it as if it were yesterday. Now she's appalled that her groper is being considered for a top Cabinet post in the current administration. But that's only if he survives a Cong...
Read full storyChinese 'Rat a to EEEEEEEgh' dish causes stock exchange meltdown!
With the Chinese economy booming it seems normal Chinese people can afford to go to posh restaurants and enjoy delicacies that were only reserved for the high and mighty of Chinese politics and business. Dog soup, shark fin Chop Suey, Vermin ratat...
Read full storyWhere are they now? Fanny Chmelar, Alpine Skier
For some unfathomable reason, in 2013, Fanny Chmelar reduced Bradley Walsh and participants in ITV's The Chase to tears at the mere mention of her name. Chmelar (pronounced "shmeller") was born on 31 October 1985 and is a German former alpine skier. Fanny competed for Germany at the 2010 Winter Olympics and in three Skiing World Championships between 2007 and 2011. She also competed in the Worl...
Read full storyTop Fashion Designers Focus On Upskirting
The new craze of upskirting has figured prominently in next year's Spring collections of many of the world's foremost fashion designers, some of whom have used rather less fabric than they did in last season's skirt designs. Upskirting is the exci...
Read full storyStudies confirm; fantasy football leading cause of mental illness
On the cusp of the 20018-2019 season, the NFL has released the results of a study focusing on the detrimental long-term affects of fantasy football gaming; participating in fantasy football is found to increase the risk of serious mental illness by 2...
Read full storyNew Woody Allen Movie Just Like Last One
Film fans are eagerly awaiting Woody Allen's much-anticipated new film, "Blue Moonlight in Barcelona." It's the story of artsy rich white people in Barcelona facing an existential crisis, much like his last film, "A Rainy Midnight in Manhattan," w...
Read full storyForeign Currency Markets In Turmoil
There was an uncomfortable day for many in the Foreign Currency Market yesterday, with many of the world's major players involved in an erratic rollercoaster ride. The US dollar performed well against Sterling, opening at £0.75 and closing at £0.7...
Read full storyWorld's largest snake discovered in Australia's Federal Capital
Following the coup d'etat in Australia last week, which saw elected Prime Minister Malcolm Bullshite thrown out of his job,the world's largest snake has been found in a swamp inside Parliament House. Identified as a MattCormann Python, the snake s...
Read full storyTrump Family Signs Contract for Reality Show to Compete With the Kardashians
Mar-A-Lago, FL Eric Trump has let it slip that the Trump family will star in their own reality show. It's planned to start as soon as Trump is removed from office. Most of the family believes that it won't be that long and are preparing. Some of t...
Read full storySo Kavanaugh’s A Flasher
So Brett Kavanaugh is a serial flasher. So what’s the big deal? He can still sit on the bench and decide women’s health issues; when and if women should be allowed birth control; whether women should retain the right to vote, drive a car, wear shoes...
Read full storySelf-Driving Car Hits Moonwalking Pedestrian
A self-driving car has reportedly struck a moon-walking pedestrian this morning in San Francisco. Speaking on behalf of Testa Motors, Noel Skum stated that the computers in current self-driving cars have difficulty determining the direction of tr...
Read full storyGranny Needs A Pussy Pounding
Yes, I'm old. Old as dirt. Fortunately, it's still proper etiquette for a woman not to have to reveal her age, so I won't. I will say, I'm old enough to remember when women protested the objectification, suppression, and dominance of men by burning bras in America's streets. I gleefully threw my symbol of male bondage on the burning alter of women's rights. I admit, not much of an offering at the...
Read full storyOne man's dream: Flatulence to Flight
Scientists from the Seattle Technology Institute National College (STINC) have achieved a major breakthrough in recycling technology. Spokesperson Violet Funk explained. "STINC specializes in recycling human and animal waste, with a focus on conve...
Read full storyConor McGregor Has Chips Every Night For His Tea
Conor McGregor, the former UFC featherweight and lightweight champion has allegedly told members of a panel in an interview that he loves chips, and has them every night for his tea. McGregor, 30, was appearing before the Mohegan Tribe Department...
Read full storySmart Phone Overwhelms Master's Degree Holder
Crawford County, Wisconsin. Wesley Johnston, 38, who graduated from College with a Master's Degree in Education in 2006, recently bought a Smart Phone and found himself completely and embarrassingly overwhelmed when trying to figure out how to use i...
Read full storyOld Man Shit Himself On Bus
There were squished-up faces aplenty this morning on a bus full of passengers going to work in Hull, after an old man aboard was caught short, and shit himself. The man, who declined to give his name, was sat on the 'circular' number 2 service tha...
Read full storySesame Street Residents React To Bert & Ernie’s Outing
It would appear that what was long suspected has finally been confirmed by a writer of the popular children’s reality television show, “Sesame Street”: Bert and Ernie are, in fact, a gay couple. The news shook the world, but none are more embroiled i...
Read full storyCheap airline offering "standing room only" unless you bring your own deckchair!
It seems the days of cheap and nasty flights are not quite over as one of its most infamous proponents is making every option an optional extra. Passengers flying on 'Leprechaun Airways' will be charged for check-in (online or otherwise), hold lug...
Read full storyBrexit Analysis Impossible Until After Brexit, Claims Man Who Only Reads Sports Pages
The consequences, ramifications, and repercussions of Britain leaving the European Union cannot, and will not, be known until after the event has happened, claims a man who knows absolutely fuck all about economics. Moys Kenwood, 55, said that, as...
Read full storyWashington Redskins Paint Visitors' Changing Rooms LGBT Rainbow Colors For Dallas Cowboys Visit
The Washington Redskins have angered their rivals by painting the opposition changing rooms at FedExField stadium in the rainbow colors of the LGBT movement. The Redskins, have taken the extraordinary step in order to intimidate opposition players...
Read full storyKanye West Namechange Latest
In a move that shows just how much of an original and creative talent singer Kanye West really is, the rapper has dropped the first three letters from his first name, to leave him as merely Ye West. Tweeting with the spelling accomplishment of a 6...
Read full storyShe won her college's Miss Green pageant, but some say she's not ‘green enough’
Ixxy Zigou is a 22-year-old spotted woman who is studying journalism at the University of Lodenia. This year, she decided to enter the Miss Green pageant, which is open to all green women. There were a total of eight contestants in the competition...
Read full storyMs. Amerika Contestant Takes a Stand for Right to Take a Knee
T&A City, Nude Joisey--Ms. Virginia advanced in the Ms. Amerika Contest after her politically correct, although sexist, response to the National Foosball League (NFL) controversy concerning players who “take a knee” during the playing of the US n...
Read full storyMan's Bald Patch Is Getting Bigger
A man who had told anyone who would listen, he "couldn't give a fuck" about the bald patch atop his cranium, has now told those close to him, if it gets any bigger, he won't hesitate to: "lop the fucking lot off!" The man, whose identity is be...
Read full storyArt Garfunkel breaks pelvic bridge over trouble passing water
Hairy singer Art Garfunkel, 73, is best known as the eye candy in one-man folk duo Simon and Garfunkel. This week he hit the headlines for different reasons - he broke part of his pelvis after falling off the toilet. "I was pushing really hard, th...
Read full storyDave and Gary - The Deathstar It Guys - A Star Wars story
Shane Millichip, a senior writer at Disney, has revealed the film we are all waiting for, 'Dave and Gary - The Deathstar IT Guys - A Star Wars Story', is set to be released in November 2021. Set on the Death Star in a galaxy far, far away, and a l...
Read full storySaudi Arabian Tourist Board Invites Hen Parties
Saudi Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman wants a new, open Saudi Arabia with concerts, cinemas and beaches and a 2030 vision or so he says. It is with this view that the Saudi Arabian Tourist Board is encouraging western brides-to-be to visit the de...
Read full storyInternet goes into meltdown after Identity of new Doctor Who monster leaked online
Fan forums worldwide have gone into meltdown when it emerged that footage of a new, previously unheard of, Doctor Who monster, had been leaked online. Called the 'Wo-Men', they are in fact a race of Cybermen. Unlike their cold, logical, counterparts...
Read full storyVagueness of Vegas
In yet another of our hard hitting yet softly satisfying interviews we asked international comedic superstar, Johnny Vegas, for the secrets behind his dramatic weight loss. Johnny, who has lost “loads of weight” in the last year, clearly wasn’t th...
Read full storyVampires Confirm White Blood Purest Blood
In an earth-shattering report, a study released earlier today by the VRI -- now known as the Vampire Research Institute -- concluded that the blood of caucasians is widely considered by the vampiric community to be the most “pure” and desired blood o...
Read full storyAmazon to offer employees adult diapers at cost
In response to ongoing bad publicity showing Amazon fulfillment center employees urinating in trash cans to avoid bathroom breaks that hurt production numbers, Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has offered employees adult diapers at cost. The announcement came...
Read full storySesame Street's Bert and Ernie May Not Be Gay, But Sex Scandals Aren't New to TV Puppets
The TV producer of Sesame Street has denied that its co-habiting duo, Bert and Ernie, are gay, following comments by one of the show's writers. Sesame Workshop felt it necessary to issue a statement saying the pair "do not have a sexual orientatio...
Read full storyMan Pleads Guilty To Sexual Misconduct In His Sleep
A man who has been accused of sexual misconduct whilst asleep, has admitted he is as guilty as the day is long. Bert Kavanagh, 32, a roadsweeper from Muncie, Indiana, told drinking buddies at the Bra Strap pub that, with regard to the charges that...
Read full storyWhere are they now? The Sinclair C5
Ah, a tragic case of surrounding yourself with lickspittles and yes men. Maybe a bit of market research might have been useful but I can just imagine his management team: "Oh, yes, Sir Clive, it's a fantastic idea, one of your best. It will be a magnificent success," before sniggering outside the office while on a fag break. Sir Clive Sinclair became one of the UK's best-known businessmen...
Read full storyFearing Political Tsunami in November, Republicans Adopt New Approaches
THE WIRED STREET URINAL REPORTER KR Schwartz DATELINE: September 27th 2018 Washington, D.C. Fearing Political Tsunami in November, Republicans Adopt New Approaches Feeling the mounting political pressure from constituents over the Senate Judi...
Read full storyFederal Reserve loses banking license
Washington D.C. According to YouTube viewer Joe Blow, the Federal Reserve lost its banking license on September 14, 2018. “I was watching YouTube, and all of a sudden this Scottish guy started saying the Federal Reserve was DONE. No more licen...
Read full storyTrump nearly adopts Nellie The Elephant as his mid-term election campaign theme song
Donald Trump initially announced today he had selected the 1950's children's song Nellie The Elephant as his theme song for the forthcoming mid-term election. Trump explained this morning in Washington DC. "I know this song very, very well from my...
Read full storyMan's Swimming Trunks Came Off In Swimming Pool
There was controversy at a swimming pool in Leeds yesterday afternoon, when a man's swimming trunks became dislodged from their normal position, and ended up hanging from one of his ankles. One woman screamed, another scrunched her face up, but ma...
Read full storyDonald Trump to outlaw telling the truth
Donald Trump has announced he is preparing legislation to make telling the truth a federal offence, punishable by 10 years in solitary confinement. Trump's Press Secretary Faken Ewssucks made the announcement from the White House this morning, "Th...
Read full storySocial Justice Warriors set to be new blockbuster film
It is a superhero film for millenials, set around four fearless progressives who campaign for fairness against the patriarchy. Social Justice League of America is out this month, and is expected to be a hit. The four heros are: Feministman, who wa...
Read full storyMan's Testicles Savaged In Shaving Accident
A man's testicles are special; they're delicate, and when, as sometimes happens, a man decides he wants rid of the lion's mane of pubus stragglia around his cock and balls, he either does it himself, or allocates the task to someone he trusts implici...
Read full storyMan Spotted Cloud In The Shape of Thomas The Tank Engine
A man travelling home on a motorcycle near the Cambodian city of Battambang had a shock this afternoon, when he glanced up at the sky and saw a cloud formation which reminded him of his favorite fictional steam locomotive, Thomas the Tank Engine.
Read full storySesame Street in sexy scandal!
Now we all know the world is going bananas, but the latest news from inside the Sesame Street walls to hit the outside world makes Trump look like an innocent imbecile (which, of course, he is). A sex scandal is enraging adults (are the really?),...
Read full storyWanted: Young inexperienced Naïve Fool Java Programmer
San Francisco, CA - Want Add Wanted: young foolish inexperienced Java Programmer willing to work with Eclipse IDE. You’ll be paid handsomely in this position, (bending over or on your knees), enough to share a room with only five other guys, or whatever things they call the natives here. Experienced need not apply. We don’t want anyone smarter than the hiring manager since he is a fr...
Read full storyMan Was Upset When Student Guessed His Age As "60"
A teacher in the Thai capital city of Bangkok was "crushed" when a student in his classroom guessed his age as 60, chuckling as he did. Moys Kenwood, 55, was asked his age by one of his more enthusiastic students, but he wasn't about to give the g...
Read full storyPolice on mail bandit Jane Doe: "She's quite a card!"
Milwaukee, Wisconsin—A 20-year-old US Postal Service worker, whom police are calling “Jane Doe,” admitted to having stolen over 6,000 greeting cards full of cash or checks. “But it wasn't for the money,” Doe insisted during her arraignment. She...
Read full storyDunkin’ Donuts changes name after nationwide protests from kitted pink pussy hat wearers
The restaurant chain Dunkin’ Donuts announced on Tuesday that it’s dropping the word “Donuts” from its name, and renaming itself 'Dunkin’.' "The shortened branding will align with the company’s emphasis on coffee and other beverages," Dunkin’ Brands...
Read full storyUp and Coming Synthpop Duo Yazoo Release Cover of Cheat Codes & Little Mix's "Only You"
MR AWESOME!'S MUSIC REVIEWS Cheat Codes and Little Mix are riding high in the charts with their EDM pop hybrid tune "Only You" and now an exciting new 80s-sounding pop duo has covered it. Yazoo, from Basildon in south east England, consist of f...
Read full storySexual Misconduct Amongst Elderly More Popular Due To Kavanaugh Case
Sexual misconduct amongst the over-75s is on the increase due to the extensive coverage of the case against beleaguered Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh, it has been claimed. Hans Zimmerframe, a man who knows a lot of old people, said: "T...
Read full storyJudge Kavanaugh accused of expanding the classic “4 F’s” to “6 F’s”
Mr. Kavanaugh’s troubles continue to mount as this week new accusations have surfaced from a) a new female accuser and b) Stormy Daniels’ lawyer Michael Avenatti. Mr. Avenatti, who also aspires to candidacy in the 2020 presidential election, claim...
Read full storyMan not overly concerned about the ending of Television programmes
Gary Wayne, a 44-year-old failed accountancy student, chemist, and shop worker, told his friend, Bob, in the pub, that the ending of television programmes do not have that much impact on his life, if he is honest. Gary said 'I was talking to Bob a...
Read full storySex doll brothel laundering jobs boost US employment
A new industry has arisen to aid the nation’s unemployed, under-employed, and full-time employed who have only three part-time jobs. At this time, machine laundering in the sex doll brothel movement has not sufficiently developed, and humans are...
Read full storySchool accidentally serves feces for lunch, nobody notices
Squaresville Middle School accidentally served fecal matter for lunch. Surprisingly, students commented that it tasted better than what was served before. Bobby Smith, one of the students, said, "After months of giving us unidentified green stuff,...
Read full storyPeople of Finland migrating to Lapland
Helsinki, Finland - Koyboy Mango, President of Finland, phoned the emergency line at the Spoof.com, 1-Get-The-Poop, to alert the world to an alarming situation. The people are getting sores on the back of their feet. Scientist Shamoreda Crapola...
Read full storyWater-cooler TV
Scroobiious Moneybags from the Sell My Grandmother's Back Teeth Television Company has hit upon a brilliant new idea. Speaking at a press conference earlier today, he unveiled his newest idea - Water-Cooler television. He said: ' I hear all of the...
Read full storyDumb MFer Gets Ripped Off Buying Used Hyundai
A local moron just got ripped off buying a used Hyundai Sonata. "I bought the bumper-to-bumper warranty, which added like $3,000 to the price of this cheap piece of shit," the dumb motherfucker from Carson Township said. But the bumper-to-bump...
Read full storyMan's Cock Gets Trapped In Zip
A man has revealed how a night out with friends ended in agony and a hospital visit, after he carelessly got his cock trapped in his zip. Alan Smith, 28, had been breaking drinking records with his mates in pubs around downtown New York, and, as l...
Read full storyBuffalo Bills Admit They're Not Trying To Win
A high level official in the Buffalo Bills organization, who refuses to reveal his name, has decided to reveal all in a shocking confession that will rock the football world. "I had to get this off my chest. It's not fair to the fans. Those poor s...
Read full storyNabisco Agrees to Remove All Crackers From The U.S. Senate!
Nabisco has announced it is fed up with all the loser crackers in the Senate giving their cracker products a bad name. Amongst others, Nabisco has agreed to remove Orin Hatched, Charles Assley, Lindsey Gram, John Cornin, Ted Cruise, Ben Sassy, Jeff...
Read full storyAlice Horn beats US Open officials in closely contested match
New Yawk, New Yawk--Tennis player Alize (French for “Alice”) Cornet (French for “Horn”) took off her shirt during a US Open match against Sweden's Johanna (Swedish for “Joanna”) Larsson (Swedish for “Larson”). Horn claims she was “hot.” (Many male...
Read full storyDentist Extracted Tooth In Sinister Manner
A dentist in Rochester, New York was astonished when he arrived at work on Monday morning, to find a patient sitting in his waiting room who needed a tooth removing. Dr Christian Szell explained: "Monday is usually a quiet day. I ask my recepti...
Read full storyNew York Times runs interview with anonymous op-ed author wearing mask in dark underground cellar
Hard on the heels of Bob Woodward’s book Fear in the White House, the nation has once again been startled by insider views attacking the Trump administration. Echoing Woodward’s charges of incompetence, an anonymous op-ed appeared yesterday in The...
Read full storyRound-the-World Navigation In Enormous LGBT-Colored Condom Has Begun
A hot-air balloon enthusiast who has, for years, harbored aspirations of making a round-the-world navigation, has set off on the journey in a specially-designed enormous condom in the colors of the LGBT movement. The pilot's name is Gaston Faggé,...
Read full storyRussian Novichok Suspects Pencil-in Hull Visit
The two Russian men suspected of administering Novichok to Sergei Skripal and his daughter in Salisbury earlier this year, have said they were visiting the town merely as tourists, and have indicated that they may decide to travel to other places of...
Read full storyCoffee Objects to Perpetually Being Grabbed
No longer willing to passively tolerate a modern-day society in which “grabbing” it is the accepted norm, coffee has finally spoken out. “I’m steamed!” said coffee spokesman Joe Cuppa, his indignation clearly at a boiling point. “I am not meant to...
Read full storyDinosaur attacks Florida family, scratches back door
Palm Tree, Florida—In God-forsaken Palm Tree, an unincorporated town nestled in the Everglades, Jackie Tripper “went ballistic,” her husband Jack told The Spoof, when she saw "an honest-to-God dinosaur.” “Jackie had just dropped acid while watchin...
Read full storyKavanaugh Case In New Twist As British Actor Called As Witness
The Brett Kavanaugh episode took an unexpected new twist this afternoon, when the besieged Supreme Court nominee called a character witness to appear before the Senate Judiciary Committee - British actor John Thaw (deceased), star of the 1991-1995 IT...
Read full storyTrump to Abolish Labrador Retriever Day
President Trump has announced his intention to abolish another relic of the Obama presidency: Labrador Retriever Day. And, in typical Trump fashion, his decision came in a tweet that set off alarm bells across the nation and the world. Tweeting early...
Read full storyTrump stands down (and then up again)
Crooners International stand proud today when President Trump announces his real calling in life and the fact he finally feels happy talking about his true vocation: Crooning. We spoke to an insider who risked his job (so we can’t say who) but nee...
Read full storyDr. Quigley Answers Couples' Fertility Questions
Dear Dr. Quigley My wife and I want to thank you so much for your help now that she has managed to give birth despite the fact that several years ago I was told I am completely sterile. Your treatment worked wonders and we are both happy that she didn't have to resort to IVF which can be a traumatic experience. A. Simpleton, Bangor. Mr. Simpleton, you don't have to thank me as it was my plea...
Read full storyNorth Korea And South Korea Declare War
The whole world was put on high alert this morning when it was announced that the two Koreas - North Korea and its neighbor in the south, South Korea - have declared war on each other. There had been high hopes of an amicable agreement yesterday w...
Read full storyNow that he wants to become an American, The Beeb wishes he hadn't been such an asshole
USA All the Way—Now that he's wed Hailey “Bald” Wynn, the blonde bombshell who shaves “down there,” teen heartthrob Justin “Canuck” Bieber wants to become an American. But he also wants to retain his Canuck citizenship. “As he says to me,” his blu...
Read full storyTrump declares Hurricane Florence is "fake news" started by Dems to harm him!
President Trump issued a tweet last night declaring that Hurricane Florence is fake news started by Nancy Pelosi and the democrats to discredit him and to influence the mid-term elections! "You know this is fake news because they claim it hit North a...
Read full storyTrump imposes travel restrictions and tariffs on International Space Station crew
In a move that will further inflame diplomatic tensions, President Donald Trump has announced a series of travel and trade restrictions on crews on the International Space Station (ISS). Trump spoke from the 17th tee at his private golf course in...
Read full storyConference highlights inequality for dwarfs, lesbians and many other minorities
At the International Conference of Politically Correct Sociologists and Psychologists, in Manhattan (temporarily renamed Genderneutralhattan for the duration of the conference), evidence has been presented of inequality amongst a range of minority gr...
Read full storyStormy Daniels on the President’s appendage in exclusive interview
Investigators were able to speak to Ms. Daniels yesterday on revelations that may play a vital role in the upcoming midterm elections. That is,Ms. Daniels has declared there is some abnormality in the President’s physiology, possibly indicating he...
Read full storyTrump initiates lie detector testing plus water treatment in White House basement
President Trump is aware that previous presidents, as with Mr. Obama, have used lie detector testing on staff. The President has also been in contact with newly appointed head of the CIA, Gina Haspel, on water boarding, as needed, in search of the...
Read full storyDr. Quigley: The Editor Apologises
It is not often that we at The Spoof are victims of hoaxes, fraudulent behaviour or what the great unwashed call "scams", but in the case of so-called Dr. Quigley I feel it is behoven upon me to apologise for his sexually obsessed articles and gratuitous behaviour. The Spoof is a reputable news organ and we thoroughly research the material which we produce, and we vet our employees and their qu...
Read full storyMan Spills Coffee on His Penis After Long Night of Drinking
After a long and hard night of drinking at his class reunion, walking back home in the rain, and then proceeding to throw up one of his kidneys, most of his internal organs, his spleen, his pancreas, the 1% of his liver that actually still works, and...
Read full storyParents In Call For Naughtiness To Be Criminalized
Parents have reacted angrily to calls for a ban on smacking children in the home, by demanding that children be banned from acting naughtily, it has been reported. The Association of Educational Psychologists (AEP) has called for physical punishme...
Read full storyWellness Experts Suggest Comparing Yourself To Others
“Don’t compare yourself to others, it’s not a competition.” For years, these words were considered by many to be a foundation to a better life. However, in a recent nationwide poll, it would appear that we were wrong. Many leading wellness experts have come forward to confirm that not only will comparing yourself to others better your quality of life, but it will also decrease your need for social...
Read full storyI Am Anonymous
I Am Anonymous. The most influential person on the planet! Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I am ubiquitous and omnipresent. I am all-seeing, all-knowing, pre-eminent. There is no topic that I don't know something about, or not willing to be quoted on. I can start wars, topple governments, and bring down presidents. My w...
Read full storyRussian Perfume House Releases New Scent
After the recent accidental murder of Englishwoman Dawn Sturgess, a victim in the Sergei Skripal poisoning aftermath, a Russian perfume house has revealed that it is to start mass production of its brand new 'killer' fragrance, Novichok no.5! Miss...
Read full storyThe Hunt for "Deep Thought"
This morning before dawn, the doorbell at my home chimed. When I stumbled to the door, no one was there, but an envelope was laying against my door. I took it into the kitchen to make a cup of coffee before opening it, but curiosity reigned supreme. Inside I found the document inserted below on White House letterhead stationery, emblazoned with a watermark spelling out “CONFIDENTIAL” obliquely...
Read full storyRussian-FBI Collusion Part 4: The Fat Lady Sings
BILLINGSGATE POST: Lisa Page, the former FBI lawyer was an integral part of the Love Bird team with disgraced agent, Peter Strzok. Even though she was fashionably thin, she was given the call sign, "Fat Lady" by her smirking counterpart. "Dude,...
Read full storyHaiti changes name to 'Shithole' in response to Trump
If you take a good look at the coastline of Haiti, you will see plenty of garbage, debris, flies, and fecal matter. It is no surprise, that in light of this and President Trump's comments, Haiti is set to change its name to Shithole. Haiti's Presi...
Read full storyHurricane Namers Running Out Of Names To Choose From
As citizens on the eastern seabord of the US awaited the arrival of Hurricane Florence today, it was revealed that the weathermen responsible for naming hurricanes are rapidly running out of names to name them with. The 'namers' are a group of men...
Read full storyTrump Appoints Bill Cosby To Supreme Court
President Trump signed an executive order, bypassing the confirmation process, and placing the former actor as judge for life on the nation's highest judiciary body. "I like rapists who win," said the serial perv, "not losers who let the victim ge...
Read full storyMan Got Huge Hard-on Whilst Looking At Catalogue
An out-of-work waster who decided to leaf through the pages of a mail order clothing catalogue, was pleasantly surprised when he got a huge erection. Ron Dickson had time on his hands, and picked up his wife's Freeman's catalogue when he saw it ly...
Read full storyNun steps forward from the old days to defend Judge Kavanaugh
Immediately following the Senate Judiciary Committee's confirmation of Mr. Kavanaugh, Senate investigators are urging caution. A new witness, Sister Rose, has appeared from the past, in support of Mr. Kavanaugh, and just in time for the complete...
Read full storyWorker Complains Too Much Traffic Due to Low Unemployment Rate, Thanks Obama
Luke, a 27-year-old electrical engineer, faces the same obstacles as many working-class Americans today, too much traffic. In an interview, he said, “I can’t handle it”, as tears formed in his eyes. It takes him an hour to get home, twice as long as...
Read full storyObservatory did NOT--repeat: did NOT--see "aliens"
Sunspot, New Meh-he-co--”No” was all a spokesperson for the Federal Bureau of Obfuscation would say in response to Fake News reporter Ida Dunt-No's question, “Was the National Solar Observatory shut down because astronomers saw aliens?” Director C...
Read full storyCongress Declares Massive Debt Accumulation as the New American Dream
WASHINGTON D.C. ---- Recent college graduates, along with millions of working Americans who decided to take the day off gathered today on the great lawn in Washington to celebrate massive debt accumulation as the new American Dream. College and...
Read full storySchool Director Spoke As If He Had Wooden Jaws
The Director of a school in Bangkok spoke in such a way that, anyone listening to him would have assumed that the man's jaws had been fashioned from wood. The man, who can't be named because I don't fancy the repercussions, looked rather like he w...
Read full storyTrump says Florence reminds him of Stormy
US President Donald Trump today compared tropical hurricane Florence with Stormy Daniels, the woman he gave a big wad of cash to for absolutely no reason. Broadcasting live from the White House, Trump warned east coast residents to prepare to evac...
Read full storyKavanaugh Allegations To Include Upskirting?
US Supreme Court nominee, Brett Kavanaugh, is facing a rising tide of sexual misconduct allegations, after a new witness came forward today, but what people really want to know is: Has he been upskirting? Deborah Ramirez, a 53-year-old, who was...
Read full storySupreme Court Nominee's Stunning Revelations
Washington, D. C. - Brett Kavanaugh, Donald Trump's Supreme Court nominee, has been on the hot seat for weeks. And, it gets hotter! Just being nominated by the Trumpster is enough to make him another of the Left's most hated men in America. He is a m...
Read full story