Woman Claims Groping by Cabinet Designee as Newborn in NY Nursery

Funny story written by Gail Farrelly

Saturday, 22 September 2018


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"I tell it like it is."

It may have happened over 50 years ago, but a NY woman claims she remembers it as if it were yesterday. Now she's appalled that her groper is being considered for a top Cabinet post in the current administration. But that's only if he survives a Congressional grilling. And that won't happen, according to the irate woman in question, who plans to testify before Congress next week.

"He's been a groper from day 1. Enough is enough," said the purported gropee.

Here's her story, as told to a NY newspaper. "We were only a day old in a hospital nursery and had been placed alongside one another on a huge changing table. The nurse happened to glance away for a moment, and that's when Mr. Cabinet Designee made his move. He rolled over and reached inside my diaper, trying to grab my butt. Fortunately, I had a loaded diaper, so all the pig got was a handful of shit. Never got through to my butt at all. But it wasn't for a lack of trying."

Meanwhile, the Cabinet Designee released a statement to the press in which he denied responsibility for the incident. "I do not recall that happening at all," he said. "I was in the nursery minding my own business, and had no interest in anyone else's business at all."

No shit.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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