Written by Monkey Woods

Wednesday, 5 September 2018

image for Man's Bald Patch Is Getting Bigger
The biggest 'middle parting' in the world

A man who had told anyone who would listen, he "couldn't give a fuck" about the bald patch atop his cranium, has now told those close to him, if it gets any bigger, he won't hesitate to:

"lop the fucking lot off!"

The man, whose identity is being withheld to protect his dignity, first noticed his impending hair loss whilst living in Dudley in 2007. He told me:

"I was waiting to get off a bus, and glanced up at the CCTV monitor. I saw a bloke's head - he was going bald on top, and looked ridiculous! Then I noticed his jacket was the same as mine, and so was the bag he was carrying. A horrible thought entered my mind - the man was me!"

Since then, the 'duck pond' on his bonce has grown significantly, and he is under severe threat of becoming the next 'Friar Tuck'. He feels certain that students at the school where he works are laughing at him, and even his fellow teachers are also 'putting the boot in'.

One teacher, in a phonics query, asked him how 'bald' was normally pronounced. Another wanted to know what a toupée was. A third colleague was more kind: she altered a staff photo in which the follicly-challenged teacher featured, and colored-in his bald patch with a black marker pen.

It's not known just HOW big the bald patch will be allowed to get before conclusive action is taken, but things were brought to a head yesterday when one of the man's Science students commented that:

"Except for the Great Wall of China, it is the only thing on Earth that can be seen from the Moon."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Hair, baldness




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