Squaresville Middle School accidentally served fecal matter for lunch. Surprisingly, students commented that it tasted better than what was served before.
Bobby Smith, one of the students, said, "After months of giving us unidentified green stuff, they give us unidentified brown stuff. For some reason, the brown stuff doesn't taste as gross as the green stuff."
Nita Jones, a county food inspector, cannot see how this sort of mixup could occur. "Don't the cafeteria workers observe what they're serving? Even if you could confuse the appearance with some other food item such as pudding, just how can you confuse the stench? This is just unacceptable and unsanitary."
Local legal minds are baffled that nobody is suing or pressing charges over this. Todd Davis, the local district attorney says, "I'm surprised that the police department hasn't filed charges in this case. The likelihood that felony food contamination is happening is very high."
Meanwhile, a local, high profile contingency lawyer, Bob Finch, says, "We haven't had anyone inquiring about this incident or the quality of the school's food before this complaint. With all the absences reported by the school, one can reasonably surmise that not all of those absences were truancies. Many were bound to be legitimate sickness."
The school board refuses to speak to us because this is an active investigation, but they have given a press release saying that they are investigating the quality of the lunches served and will likely be making changes.