Man's Cock Gets Trapped In Zip

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 22 September 2018

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A man has revealed how a night out with friends ended in agony and a hospital visit, after he carelessly got his cock trapped in his zip.

Alan Smith, 28, had been breaking drinking records with his mates in pubs around downtown New York, and, as last orders approached, he found he needed to urinate, and headed for the bogs.

As Alan stood emptying his bladder, his mind full of drunken thoughts, he somehow lost his concentration, and pissed all over his shoes. Realising this, he grumpily thrust his appendage back inside his jeans - or so he thought - and angrily zipped up his fly. Alas! He had failed to complete the procedure in a satisfactory manner!

A spasm of 'total pain' shot from his purple helmet, down the column of his cock, through the testicle area, along various nerve endings until it reached his brain, a whole microsecond later. He screamed like a man being torn apart by a grizzly bear, as he struggled with the zip, which had become entangled with flesh and pubic hair. Alan, close to passing out, rolled around on the floor in piss and filth.

Minutes passed. Eventually, another customer came into the toilets, and saw the writhing figure. He alerted bar staff, who tried, in vain, to free the veins. An ambulance was called, which, 20 minutes later, whisked the stricken Alan off to the local infirmary to get his penis liberated.

Speaking the next day through an interpreter, Alan said that he couldn't remember anything after passing out, but could still recall enough of the incident to know that it was high time he went shopping for a couple of pairs of Levis 501 button-ups.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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