Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie May Not Be Gay, But Sex Scandals Aren't New to TV Puppets

Funny story written by Paxton Quigley

Thursday, 20 September 2018


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image for Sesame Street's Bert and Ernie May Not Be Gay, But Sex Scandals Aren't New to TV Puppets
Channel 4 "replacing hand puppets with knob puppets"

The TV producer of Sesame Street has denied that its co-habiting duo, Bert and Ernie, are gay, following comments by one of the show's writers.

Sesame Workshop felt it necessary to issue a statement saying the pair "do not have a sexual orientation" and "remain puppets", even though Bert and Ernie have become icons in the gay community and have even inspired parts of the puppet Broadway musical Avenue Q.

However, it is apparent that all is not well in the world of TV puppetry with numerous cover-ups of sex scandals throughout the years. The Spoof lists some of them out of human interest.

Homosexuality and sexual shenanigans have always been rife in the entertainment industry and prime suspects TOTS’ telly favourites the Teletubbies first said “Eh-oh” to UK viewers 20 years ago.

After launching in 1997 on BBC2, the pre-school series quickly became a hit thanks to its lovable characters Tinky Winky, Dipsy, Laa-Laa and Po, who spent their days bumbling around grassy Home Hill. The names alone give a clue to the camp nature of the characters and their off-screen antics are legendary among both straight and gay communities.

Zippy, Bungle and George of Rainbow are secret exponents of bestiality and troilism. Bungle is a bear and George is a hippopotamus, while Zippy bears no obvious resemblance to any real animal but wears a gimp mask on which the others close the zip to keep him quiet before forcing him to watch their deviant sexual frolicking.

The Sooty Show was aired on the BBC and ITV from 1955 until the end of the TV series in 1992. In 1957, Sooty, a bear, was joined by his friend Sweep, a dog, and in 1964, Soo, a panda girl, was introduced as Sooty's girlfriend. A scandal erupted in 1966 when Soo produced a mixed offspring out of wedlock and both males claimed to be the father.

But TV puppet scandals don't end with the Sesame Street denial, as rumour has it that Channel 4 is in production of an innovative and shocking series on puppetry called Hands Off Cocks and On With Socks. This revolutionary idea replaces old-style hand puppets with what is called euphemistically "knob puppets", which rely on the cast maintaining an erection for the entire broadcast whilst clad in a sock.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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