Wednesday, 19 September 2018


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image for Social Justice Warriors set to be new blockbuster film
Superhero films are for immature idiots who can't cope with complex morals

It is a superhero film for millenials, set around four fearless progressives who campaign for fairness against the patriarchy. Social Justice League of America is out this month, and is expected to be a hit.

The four heros are: Feministman, who was bitten by a radioactive feminist as a teenager and has since developed feelings of empathy towards disadvantaged females; Blackwoman, a heavyset coloured woman with sass; Transgendered Person, a person of indeterminate sex who always knows which toilet to use; and Disabled Boy, a crippled, stunted child who suffers from leukemia.

In the film, the superheros respond to their greatest foe, Manman, a man with all the powers and prejudices of a typical man. His organisation, The Patriarchy, is attempting to suppress women by refusing to pay them equally. In response, Feministman gathers his superhero friends and they set out to fight for social justice - apart from Disabled Boy, who is really ill. Instead, the heroes they tell him to "guard the lair" with his IV drip while they are away.

After a series of confrontrations and hyperbolic discussions, Manman finally captures the Social Justice League, and threatens to drown them in a vat of lava. However, at the last minute he stops. The reason, he explains, is because he needs them.

"Without your ridiculous posturing and yelling," growls Manman. "People might realise that they agree with you on some things, such as equal pay for women. I need to keep you alive as figures of ridicule to eat away at popular support for the progressive agenda. Women and blacks will never gain equality while you live! Muah-hah-hah!"

He then releases the Social Justice League so that they can whine at the media about how they were mistreated, earning them little sympathy.

A sequel is currently being planned.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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