Dumb MFer Gets Ripped Off Buying Used Hyundai

Funny story written by Dave Henry

Sunday, 9 September 2018


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What will it take to get you into this car?

A local moron just got ripped off buying a used Hyundai Sonata.

"I bought the bumper-to-bumper warranty, which added like $3,000 to the price of this cheap piece of shit," the dumb motherfucker from Carson Township said.

But the bumper-to-bumper warranty doesn't really cover that many things, it was explained to this mealy-mouthed loser. And if something major did go wrong to the 2013 Sonata, it wouldn't cost $3,000, shit-for-brains was told by people more intelligent than him.

The weak-minded cretin agreed, but he felt pressured to get the warranty by the disingenuous sales person. When he initially declined, the sales man brought him into a back room to meet with another person -- known as the closer.

The closer proceeded to pummel him mercilessly with flying kicks and karate chops. He was a part-time ninja on the side -- for hire for government assassinations, contract killings, and children's parties.

Like Rocky, the local idiot held his own, taking a beating but refusing to go down. He grabbed a lamp from the closer's desk and whacked him across the face, while the lamp was still on -- sparks flew everywhere, burning the closer's face. He tried to get out, but the door was bolted shut from the outside with three heavily armed Hyundai sales people standing guard ready to blast him if he escaped.

The brain dead dipshit tried a different tack. He tried to reason with the closer. "Why would I need the warranty? The car is only five years old and you guys say you only sell the best used cars. If you're so good, this car should have no problems, should it?"

This line of questioning incensed the closer, who ratcheted up his assault and beat the pinheaded jackass to within an inch of his life until he finally relented and agreed to the warranty.

And he's driven that Hyundai ever since, with no problems at all.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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