Supreme Court Nominee's Stunning Revelations

Funny story written by JennyNorthStar

Sunday, 16 September 2018

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Washington, D. C. - Brett Kavanaugh, Donald Trump's Supreme Court nominee, has been on the hot seat for weeks. And, it gets hotter! Just being nominated by the Trumpster is enough to make him another of the Left's most hated men in America. He is a man of the Catholic faith, a father of two daughters and loving wife. In the evenings, he coaches his daughter's basketball team and helps out in his community by serving meals to the homeless. I bet he even picks up his own socks and helps with the dishes. You know, he does most of the things the Left despises.

After many hours of congressional meetings and contentious Supreme Court Senate hearings, his legal knowledge and experience was proven without a doubt. His ability to cite legal precedent and answer legal questions encyclopedic. Democrats unable to undermine his qualifications had but one option left: Character assassination. So how do you discredit a man who sounds like a saint? No problem, just make stuff up.

Last Thursday, Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., released a statement, saying she had in her possession a complaint supposedly from a woman who accused Kavanaugh of sexual misconduct when they were both in high school, more than thirty years ago. Feinstein said in her surprise statement. “That individual strongly requested confidentiality, declined to come forward or press the matter further, and I have honored that decision." Sure. Sure. Dianne. That's why only after a few hours later and obtaining copies of the letter, the press went ballistic with highly speculative sexual misconduct stories and, as reported, journalists showing up at the woman's house!

After opening the media frenzy floodgates, in another prepared statement over the weekend, Dianne Feinstein doubled down and said: "I have been inundated with new incriminating evidence concerning Brett Kavanaugh. It is quite disturbing. Many people who have known him as a child, priests from his church, past girlfriends, and members from his community, have come forward with new serious allegations. Although too numerous to mention all of them, I have listed the Top 10 Most egregious."

Dianne Feinstein's Top 10 Reasons Brett Kavanaugh Is Not Qualified To Sit On The Supreme Court

10. When Brett was 5 years old, he back-talked his mother during a evening family meal and was sent to bed without dinner. He defied her by staying up all night reading the Federalist Papers using a flashlight under the covers.

9. In Catholic school after bending over to pick up a pencil for the boy sitting next to him, he was hit over the knuckles with a ruler by a nun for not paying attention in class.

8. During a communion ceremony when Brett was an altar boy and after a long day without a meal, a priest reprimanded him for drinking an extra sip of wine and taking an extra communion cracker.

7. A priest admonished Brett with 100 Our Fathers and Hail Marys when he cited privilege and precedent after refusing to answer a question during confession.

6. A woman has come forward accusing Brett when she was 16, after a long date he tried to steal a kiss without her permission and actually gave her a peck on the cheek.

5. When dancing at a high school party, while "Born To Be Wild" was blaring in the background, Brett was accused of accidently brushing up against a girl's breast and never apologized.

4. The girls from Brett's daughter's basketball team, which he coaches, said they overheard him say the words "damn" and 'hell" under his breath after a devastating lost to a rival team.

3. An anonymous source said he saw Brett stumble at table when serving meals at a homeless shelter and spilled a full ladle of soup wasting it.

2. Brett has be accused of using plastic straws and sometimes photocopying legal papers using only one side, severely damaging the environment.

1. It has been alleged that when Brett was a judge on the United States Court of Appeals, that during a preparatory legal conference before trial, sitting at a table with only female law clerks and a pile of legal folders in front of him, he started the meeting by saying: "Okay ladies, who wants to see my briefs?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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