Trump initiates lie detector testing plus water treatment in White House basement

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Saturday, 8 September 2018

image for Trump initiates lie detector testing plus water treatment in White House basement
White House hound's best friend (Daphne) told CNN she will take the 5th on this matter

President Trump is aware that previous presidents, as with Mr. Obama, have used lie detector testing on staff.

The President has also been in contact with newly appointed head of the CIA, Gina Haspel, on water boarding, as needed, in search of the culprit.

At issue is the identity of the op-ed appearing in The New York Times last Thursday.

The anonymous author of this op-ed maintains (Track A) Mr. Trump is incompetent to do his job; (Track B) Mr. Trump is pursuing policies that endanger the United States.

This person is presented as loyal patriot safeguarding America from a mad dog chief executive who doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Critical analysis however suggests this person is a plant from Trump enemies who disagree with his efforts to buck the Washington Establishment of the last few decades.

Starting next week, White House staff and other officials of the administration will be required into questioning and lie detector tests.

First in line, Mr. Pence and Ms. Haley have stated they are "clean as a hound dog’s tooth” in this matter and willing to go to the water board if needed.

Mr. Pence: "Innocence gives me strength, and I might add, I say this from the lodestar position of Mr. McCain."

Ms. Haley: "I have always bent over backwards to serve my country, and besides I have always loved the water."

Ms. Haspel has suggested that all interrogation by water be carried out in the laundry room of the White House basement.

The New York Times has also come forward to indicate some modification of its sensational op-ed from last week.

Indeed, the op-ed appears to echo Mr. Woodward’s book re Mr. Trump’s “erratic behavior.”

For example, heroic efforts to snatch papers from his desk have been made to prevent further mayhem.

Mr. Trump then "forgets" these papers, and all is well.

But this story bears a further wrinkle.

Not all these acts of correction were carried out by human hands.

That is, the Goldendoodle White House Pet, named Patton, has been observed close by Mr. Trump’s desk with a worried expression and excessive panting.

According to new reports, it was (sometimes) Patton doing the snatching of the incriminating documents from Mr. Trump, in order to prevent more global chaos and disorder.

Ms. Haspel, however, has indicated the water treatment for a canine would break entirely new ground, which in good conscience she can not support.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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