World's largest snake discovered in Australia's Federal Capital

Written by Red.S.Crotum

Saturday, 1 September 2018

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Following the coup d'etat in Australia last week, which saw elected Prime Minister Malcolm Bullshite thrown out of his job,the world's largest snake has been found in a swamp inside Parliament House.

Identified as a MattCormann Python, the snake stands six feet 3 inches tall and is related to the wider but shorter Schwarzenegger Python, making very similar sounds when they encounter humans. MattCormann Pythons are native to a limited area in the centre of Australia's capital city, Canberra.

Little is known about the MattCormann Python's living habits. They live in small communities and generally prefer shady spots. Expert stealth hunters, their favourite prey is Australian Prime Ministers and their political mates. They eat very infrequently, and are usually seen when they smell blood in the Australian Parliament, when their numbers multiply very rapidly, sometimes in a matter of days.

When dormant, MattCormann Pythons appear to be docile, often bearing a harmless, almost sincere smile. Australians politicians are well aware of the dangers an ambitious MattCormann Python can pose. Whilst encountered far less frequently than most Aussie snakes, the MattCormann Python rarely misses their target. The latest victim, ex-Prime Minister Malcolm Bullshite was the latest Aussie PM not to see it coming. Mr Bullshite was eaten alive but was spat out by the giant snake and will now retire from politics.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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