Sunspot, New Meh-he-co--”No” was all a spokesperson for the Federal Bureau of Obfuscation would say in response to Fake News reporter Ida Dunt-No's question, “Was the National Solar Observatory shut down because astronomers saw aliens?”
Director Christopher Wry was more forthcoming: “The telescope did NOT see aliens.”
“What about the astronomer using the telescope?” Dunt-No asked?
“The telescope did NOT see aliens,” Wry repeated. “I can't say anything more than that, as the closure of the observatory is a matter of national security.”
According to anonymous White House source Gee Nah Halfass, “All data will be made public in an altered and adulterated form; nothing secret will be revealed.”
New Meh-he-co Deep State University Trey Musketeer, the director of the Sunspot Solar Observatory, not only “ruled out” aliens, but also dismissed notions of intercepted military transmissions, imaginary planets, and “killer” solar storms. “But you can bet your asteroid that, whatever it is, it's big!”
Since the closure of the observatory, two special agents, Fox Mulder and Dana Scully, have been dispatched from Washington, DC, to “investigate” whatever the observatory didn't observe.
Note: Martians did NOT contribute to this report.
