Coffee Objects to Perpetually Being Grabbed

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 24 September 2018

image for Coffee Objects to Perpetually Being Grabbed
Like others tired of perpetually being "grabbed," coffee has finally spoken out. "Me, too!" declared Joe Cuppa.

No longer willing to passively tolerate a modern-day society in which “grabbing” it is the accepted norm, coffee has finally spoken out.

“I’m steamed!” said coffee spokesman Joe Cuppa, his indignation clearly at a boiling point. “I am not meant to be thoughtlessly gulped merely to appease someone’s addiction, or to offer some sort of temporary artificial boost. I am designed to be lingered over, sipped, enjoyed, appreciated. I am subtle, nuanced, and multi-faceted. I am more than just caffeine. I matter!”

“You’re probably familiar with the traditional ‘coffee break,’” continued Cuppa. “Well, we’ve now arrived at new sort of coffee break – because I’ve reached my breaking point. I demand the consideration I deserve.”

Cuppa expressed hope that increasing awareness regarding inappropriate behavior toward certain members of society will increase the likelihood that coffee’s objection to being grabbed will be truly taken to heart.

“Women everywhere are speaking out against being groped, fondled, and grabbed without their consent – and so am I," declared Cuppa. "Me, too!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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