Saturday, 1 September 2018

image for Art Garfunkel breaks pelvic bridge over trouble passing water
Art Garfunkel discovered music at the age of 63, after spending most of his life unaware of the concept

Hairy singer Art Garfunkel, 73, is best known as the eye candy in one-man folk duo Simon and Garfunkel. This week he hit the headlines for different reasons - he broke part of his pelvis after falling off the toilet.

"I was pushing really hard, the boxers round my ankles," he said, "But nothing came out, not even the sound of silence."

In recent years he has had trouble with urination, as he revealed in an interview with TheSpoof last year. He described the pain as if his "Jap's eye's burning like fire".

This week though, the problem was so bad that he fell off the toilet and lay there in a puddle until his neighbour Cecilia heard his calls for help. He had broken his pelvic bridge, an important part of the body which keeps the buttocks separate.

He said, "The doctor says I'll be unable to do groinal thrusts any more. I told my wife, I don't mean to make a bad joke but it looks like this is bye bye love."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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