For days, Democrats have been hinting at a major announcement coming out of Robert Meullers office; today the bombshell turned out to be the indictment of the President’s 12 year old son Barron. Mueller himself made the announcement, with a gleam in his eye.
“Our special agents, posing as substitute teachers, administrators and cafeteria or custodial workers, directly observed the perp committing several felony crimes, including obstruction of justice, lying under oath, theft, and denying another individual their basic human rights.”
Mueller read from a prepared statement. He then adjourned, leaving aids to field questions.
As details emerged, the pattern of crimes became clear; Trump lied—even swearing an oath—telling an agent posing as a teacher that he hadn’t had time to finish his math homework, when surveillance video shows him surfing Facebook for 33 1/2 minutes, time which could have been used for the assignment. Trump lied again, and refused to tell an agent posing as the school assistant principal, who the student was who threw an eraser across the room, when evidence shows he saw who it was—clear obstruction of justice. And most heinous were the theft charge and human rights violations.
“Our special agents will testify that, following in the racist, predatory footsteps of his father, Barron Trump deprived minority children of their very lunches; he intimidated one poor kid unto trading a chocolate candy bar for a small bag of jolly ranchers. On another occasion, he literally stole several French fries off the tray of a peer—a minority—while the victim was looking the other way.”
Democrat children’s rights activists called for Barron to be removed from his family for his own protection.
Back at The White House, President Trump was feared to be preparing to strike back with the full power of the office of POTUS; demonstrating the gravity of the situation, President Trump didn’t respond right away, waiting five minutes to gather his thoughts, and when he did respond, it was on LinkedIn, not Twitter. Although his LinkedIn feed goes right to Twitter, so most people only read the first part of it.
“Ya know” The POTUS wrote “I think I’ve been pretty patient during this witch hunt...pressuring my own lawyer to testify against me about payoffs to porn stars, the bogus fines against Jarred, the microscope on all my associates to punish them for supporting me, I put up with it all. No more. Now, by going after Barron—who will never flip, let me tell you that now, he’s never going to flip and rat, he’s a stand up kid—but now by going after him, Melania is upset. And when Melania is upset, I just, well let’s just say if we don’t get her back to normal quick, I got a few US Marshals and some Secret Service guys here who’ve been dying to beat-down a few FBI goons! Big Time!”
Prominent GOP members were said to be divided in their response, while Democrats rejoiced and vowed to use the new ammunition in their fight for impeachment.
“It’s child endangerment, pure and simple!” wailed Maxine Waters, the progressive intellectual leader, as she walked in the middle of the street to block traffic as a protest to the human rights violations.