I Am Anonymous. The most influential person on the planet! Faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound. I am ubiquitous and omnipresent. I am all-seeing, all-knowing, pre-eminent. There is no topic that I don't know something about, or not willing to be quoted on. I can start wars, topple governments, and bring down presidents. My word is absolute and without question.
You hear about me daily and constantly. I am the premier topic of conversation. There is no New York Times or Washington Post article of any significance where I'm not mentioned. I am on every news channel in the world. CNN and MSNBC devote more time to me than any other guest.
If you doubt me, just do a Google search on my name. At least 478 million references! Old Hillary Clinton has a measly 141 million.
My most recent triumph was my op-ed in the New York Times trashing the Trumpster. I say it was about time. How do you think it feels just be quoted all the time and not having your own column? Come on, you have to agree that was some juicy piece! More to come....
Although, not all agree the New York Times op-ed was written by me. Some say It was just a slow news day and they had plum run out of damaging Trump stories. Others say, the New York Times was worried about being scooped again by that bastard Bob Woodward with his new book, formerly with the Washington Post. You can quote me: "I wrote it".
Of course, the chances of you winning the lottery, those guys on Oak Island discovering treasure, Hillary Clinton becoming president, or someone finding Jimmy Hoffa, are infinitely greater than ever identifying who I am. Not to worry; I am real, and you'll be hearing from me again.
Yes, I am Anonymous. I am Truth, Justice, and the American Way. I am so intelligent, insightful, and aware, even God asks for my advice.
I am that I am.