Written by Shetland Gal

Tuesday, 4 September 2018

Crooners International stand proud today when President Trump announces his real calling in life and the fact he finally feels happy talking about his true vocation: Crooning.

We spoke to an insider who risked his job (so we can’t say who) but needless to say, this person had caught the outgoing President ‘doing it’ on a number of occasions — not all of them private. He went on to say:

“Actually, he’s not bad, he’d give old Sinatra a run for his money! Most of the Heads of State know about this and were going to use it as their Trump card, but he told me in an unguarded moment that he wasn’t going to give them the chance to shame him.

“He said, ‘I’m not frightened of change’ then he gave me a rendition of ‘The Days That We Die’ by Loudon Wainwright III - you know that one? ‘You’ll never change, neither will I, we’ll stay the same till the days that we die. I’ll never win, neither will you, so what in this world are we gonna do?’ It was cool. I looked at him with different eyes.”

On August 7th 2018, Trump stood up in front of an astonished and mainly pleased world and declared his intention. He sang himself out with ‘It Was a Very Good Year.'

Bush Junior slow-danced with Obama. Americans realised they’d made a very big mistake treating him the way they did, not knowing his true talent. We spoke to a couple of ordinary people on the street.

“Yeah, we hated him, but now we love him. I wish he would stay as President.”

“Trump surprised me. He’s not all that bad after all. I mean, if we can have the actor, you know, Ronald Reagan as President then, well, why can’t we have a crooner? I think he should try for American Idol.”

“I hope he makes some songs. I feel bad making jokes about his hair. At least he’s got hair. In fact, come to think of it, all the Presidents since Kennedy have all had a fine head of hair. Doesn’t that say something? I’ve given you a whole big story there.”

Another American general election is to be held, and this time it’s been unanimously decided that one of the qualifications will be that the President can sing (and possibly dance).

Hillary qualifies in this respect. We urge voters to take the opportunity to watch Hillary Clinton sing ‘The Telephone Hour’ from Bye Bye Birdie with Rosie O’Donnell.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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