Sex doll brothel laundering jobs boost US employment

Written by joseph k winter

Sunday, 23 September 2018


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Help Wanted at Dolls 'R Us No Waiting! Corporation

A new industry has arisen to aid the nation’s unemployed, under-employed, and full-time employed who have only three part-time jobs.

At this time, machine laundering in the sex doll brothel movement has not sufficiently developed, and humans are needed to provide top-quality assistance.

Despite having to use human workers, impact on sales prices at these venues will be kept to a minimum.

The going rate currently is $94 per session (at 30 minutes) with rebates possible for completion under the time limit.

Somewhat problematical, the sex doll industry now sweeping the globe presents a matter of essential hygiene.

This means, for the time being, the need is for “doll worker laundry specialists” (known as DWLS or "dwills" at the unemployment office).

The new field requires deft and rapid response as a product is recycled from sex doll boudoir through the laundering process and back onto the assembly line.

A successful business must process and recycle quickly so that no “customer salon” is unoccupied with a customer waiting longer than ten minutes.

True, the “salon” is a narrow little room featuring mostly bed with doll placed in a position considered inviting to facilitate rapid accomplishment of the mission.

Speed and cleanliness are the two essentials, according to marketing experts.

Assisting in the matter of speed, sex dolls are not noted for much interest in classic and time-honored practices such as “foreplay” and “teasing toward a more rewarding experience.”

Left lingering is the question of the quality of the scrubbing needed afterwards, and the time that will take.

Launderers and scrubbers are kept busy dipping the salient parts of sex doll apparatus into antiseptic tubs and wearing plastic gloves and masks.

The most recent iterations of the dolls include easy to dismantle parts by pushing small buttons on the apparatus.

However, an incident last week in the nation’s capital indicated one customer alarmed and asking for a refund when he accidentally pressed one (or more) of these buttons.

According to this customer (requesting anonymity) he was almost fully operational when the doll in question separated at approximately the waist region.

He said he was down on the floor at the end of the bed with only “half a sex doll” and this trauma tended to “impact his experience.”

The sex doll brothel in question (Dolls ‘R Us: No Waiting!) has responded there was no question on granting the customer his refund.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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