Written by David E. Wesley

Sunday, 23 September 2018

image for Congress Declares Massive Debt Accumulation as the New American Dream

WASHINGTON D.C. ---- Recent college graduates, along with millions of working Americans who decided to take the day off gathered today on the great lawn in Washington to celebrate massive debt accumulation as the new American Dream.

College and graduate school alumni Stefanie Smith, who graduated with a B.A. degree in philosophy, an MFA from NYU in experimental photography, and a law degree from George Washington University, along with $250,000 of student loan debt, said, “I have zero job prospects.”

As millions of Americans sink deeper into the black hole of debt, with hopeless despair and the stark reality they will probably die with thousands of dollars in debt from a combination of student loans, mortgages, credit cards, auto loans, and the rising costs of raising children, even after working thirty plus years with a middle class income that won't keep up with inflation, Mitch McConnell appeared on the Great Lawn, waving to the depressed diverse crowd of Millennials, aging baby boomers and apathetic members of Generation X and Y.

“Fuck it! He said. Today, February 5th will be declared National Debt Day and should be considered “The New American Dream.” Be proud in your ability to dig yourself into the deepest possible debt hole imaginable. Look to members of Congress as your mentors as you strive to dig yourself into an impenetrable black hole of debt so large that Michael Jackson’s mouth would drop in disgust as he yells “Heee heee.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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