Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 1 September 2018

image for Man's Swimming Trunks Came Off In Swimming Pool
Don't try this at home - or anywhere else, for that matter

There was controversy at a swimming pool in Leeds yesterday afternoon, when a man's swimming trunks became dislodged from their normal position, and ended up hanging from one of his ankles.

One woman screamed, another scrunched her face up, but many others roared with laughter, as the man's head almost finished up inside his own anus.

The incident happened at the Meanwood Swimming Centre in the city just after 3pm. From the 10m board, Great Britain Olympic squad member, Richard Pike, had just executed a perfect backward-facing two-and-a-half somersaults with inward twist - a dive with a degree of difficulty of 3.8 - and drew wild applause from other swimmers.

Unemployed layabout, Jimmy Gobb, thought he would give it a try, and climbed the steps. Once at the top, he ran full pelt off the end of the board, and performed what was later described as a 'Scud Missile Impact with flailing limbs', with a degree of danger of 9.8. The 'slap' this produced, as Gobb hit the surface of the water, was heard by people in the changing rooms. One man paying his entrance fee at the Reception claimed to have heard it.

According to eyewitnesses, the lout plunged downwards, amid a massive displacement of water. When he emerged again, it was apparent that something was amiss. Other swimmers started to look alarmed; one shrieked; those close-by, swam away; there was panic. A lifeguard leapt into the pool, grabbed Gobb, and pulled him to safety.

As the layabout was helped out of the water, however, it became clear that he wasn't wearing suitable swimming attire, and that his head had been inexplicably wrenched between his legs, as if his teeth were trying hard to nibble

(Continued on page 42)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Swimming, Diving, danger




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