There were 107 spoof news stories published in February 2018. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Minnie Mouse Pouts as She Gets Star on Hollywood Walk of Fame
Nice to get the star, Minnie admits, although she sighs and points out that boyfriend Mickey Mouse got HIS star 40 years ago. "Typical, isn't it?" she says, continuing, "in this business, and in the world in general, males are first to get just abou...
Read full storyTrump bankrolling mission to send Hillary to Mars on Falcon Heavy
In the wake of Elon Musk's successful test-launch of his Falcon Heavy rocket system, US president Donald Trump is said to masterminding a campaign to send Hillary Clinton to Mars. Inspired by Musk loading up a mannequin at the wheel of one of this...
Read full storyNew survey finds alligators are split on whether clowns taste funny
The long held belief that alligators avoid eating clowns because "they taste funny" has been challenged by a new poll. Of the thousand man-eating alligators that participated in the survey 58% stated that they really didn't care if a human was a...
Read full storyColleges clamp down on panty raids
For decades they have been a staple of US college life, as American as apple pie. Many men who have gone on to achieve great things have attributed their success to the character building they gained through stealing girls' underwear during their hig...
Read full storyTrump Explains How Obama and Crooked Hillary Caused the Stock Market to Go Way Down
Mar-A-Lago, FL President Trump gave a brief interview in-between the third and fourth course of a banquet at Mar-A-Lago today. It was honoring Over a Year of Trump and Still No Nuclear War. When he was asked why the stock market went down after...
Read full storyTrump Wants HUGE Millenary Parade!
He saw it in Paris and now he wants one here. President Trump has announced his intentions to hold a "Huge" millenary parade later this year. "It's going to be Huge! Huge hats! Huge Purses! Huge footwear!My parade will have all the latest fashions in...
Read full storyThe circus is coming back - gang man style!
Washington DC - According to anonymous White House spokesperson “Q”, Barnum and Bailey Circus is merging with the defense department in a bold move to save both. Sarah Palin also has a piece of the action. The new circus will march from city...
Read full storyDo The Winter Olympics Suck Large Turds?
With the games drudging past the half way mark, the international enthusiasm for everyone's favorite team is starting to wane, which has our sports reporter asking this very important question: Do the winter Olympics suck a large steaming dog turd?...
Read full storyRepresentative Schiff to release new memo: “Commies commies everywhere . . .”
Today we learn that Mr. Adam Schiff (D) spent last night analyzing, scouring, writing, and formulating a new and “ultimate” memo response. This very hot new memo will assure all citizens that FBI and DOJ performance leading to “Russia-gate” is ho...
Read full storyPrices Go Up 2% in Federal Reserve Board’s Ivory Tower Location
Washington - Prices for various goods and services that can be purchased in the Washington D.C. area Ivory Tower in which the Federal Reserve Board meets around eight times a year have increased year over year at a 2% annual clip, according to inflat...
Read full storyPlastic Free Markets
A food market in Amsterdam announced a special aisle in its store that will contain exactly zero plastic packaging. The global epidemic of plastic pollution of our oceans and lands has spurred an effort to reduce our use of unnecessary plastic wrappi...
Read full storyWhite House To Arm Every School Child In America With Shoulder Fired Missile Launcher
In response to the latest FBI Investigation into Russian collusion, the White House announced today that it was signing an executive order to take effect immediately. The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun, is with a bigger good guy with two...
Read full storyTractor driving Golden Retriever passes driving test
Astonished visitors to a farm in County Down, Northern Ireland, have been observing a dog helping Farmer Reid plough his fields, trimming the hedges, and spreading muck on a tractor! Not just sitting on the thing, but driving it! A Ministry of Tra...
Read full storyArtisan Coat-Hanger business becomes Artisan Paper-clip making business
Following the recent collapse of his Artisan Coat-Hanger making business successful business-man Tarquin Smythe Brassington Heckingthump III from Chutney on the Fritz has started up his own Artisan paper-clip making business instead. 'Well, what i...
Read full storyTrump Will Sign Executive Order Removing Math and Science Classes From Schools
Mar-A-Lago, FL Trump gave a speech on the golf course today and talked about how he will help safeguard the "future of America." Trump said, "I am tired of the United States coming in #39 and worse in the Global Scholastic Scores. And it's because...
Read full storyA Day in the life - Tom from Myspace
Hello, You may remember me. You know you do? Tom? Tom from Myspace? I was your friend. I was everyone's friend on Myspace? Myspace? You must remember Myspace? Before Facebook? Before Selfies? Before Trump? Before Brexit? Before the Kardashian? What is wrong with you? Are you some type of Millenial? No, I was important to Generation X'rs. You don't what a Generation Xr is? No, well ask you...
Read full storyWomen told to "love their saggy boobs" and the silicone industry is now in meltdown!
A women who once wanted her boobs to be filled with silicone is now telling women all over the world to love their saggy boobs just like she does! As one can imagine the silicone industry is not impressed by this lovely lady caressing her sagging...
Read full storyMad Hatters Respond to President's Millenary Parade Idea
Through The Looking Glass, Wa. D.C.-No stranger to controversy, it seems that President Trump has stepped in it once again. By bypassing one of the most powerful unions still in existence, Mr. Trump has earned the wrath of union hatters everywhere.
Read full storyUS Navy surveillance off North Korea deciphers mysterious audio from Pyongyang
Specialists aboard an aircraft carrier off the coast of North Korea have broken through what appears to be secret code used in Kim Jong Un territory. Commanded by Admiral J. “Caesar” Whittlebane, the carrier’s crew was deeply shocked recently when...
Read full storyHero Broward Sheriff's Deputies Pull Over Old Lady
Four sheriff deputies have emotionally recalled the terrifying moment they surrounded a vehicle driven by 85-year old Mable Gosling who had failed to indicate a left turn after exiting a shopping mall about 10 miles from where an armed robbery was in...
Read full storyTrump Overturns Law of Evolution
Mar-A-Lago, FL President Trump tweeted at 4:10 a.m. that he was issuing an executive order banning evolution. In an interview later this morning Trump explained his latest deviation. "I don't know if people realize, but this goes against what the...
Read full storyCarnivor Cruise Line to feature cannibalism on the high seas
Miami, FL - A new reality TV series will launch this fall documenting the adventures of vacationers braving voyages on the new Carnivor Cruise Line, producer Annibalcay Rossgay told us when we asked him what’s new. Vacationers sign a waiver that t...
Read full storyUS chickens doing a runner in Brit Chicken Run!
It seems that US over-bred chickens are not only being prepared for becoming nuggets in a global Chicken massacre machine, no! Due to mass breeding and pumping hormones through their tiny bodies, their brains are chemically developing too, and now in...
Read full storyChurch of Scamatology Will Handle Trump's 2020 Presidential Re-Election Campaign
Trump campaign officials are explaining to the press the reason why the controversial Church of Scamatology would be heading the campaign to re-elect President Trump in 2020. "There have been a lot of questions as to why we have hired the Church o...
Read full storyChinese discover Al Jolson 70 years too late!
Thankfully the world of awful white artists blacking their faces, singing and acting like black Americans / Africans is long gone. But obviously somebody forgot to tell the Chinese that the Black and White Minstrels, Al Jolson, and other ghastly T...
Read full storySouth Korea Makes Agreement with Kim Jong-Un For Him to Not Compete or Appear at Winter Olympics
Seoul, South Korea Recalling what a great athlete his father was, the South Koreans have promised the North Koreans to let them join with the South Koreans in their parades, pageants, and other ceremonies, if Kim Jong-Un promises not to compete. In h...
Read full storyTrump Resents Winter Olympics Cutting Into His Spotlight
Mar-A-Lago, FL President Trump ripped into the Winter Olympics at a recent impromptu interview on the 16th hole of the Mar-A-Lago golf course. "This is as bad as the NFL players disrespecting their country and not standing for the national anthem...
Read full storySquirrel Awarded Hand Gun To Protect Himself From Hawk
Rocky Squirrel celebrated a victory in a Portland, Maine court today by being awarded the right to not only obtain a handgun but, also, to get a concealed hand gun permit. After the verdict Rocky hugged his lawyer Jerry Meisterfibber as well as his...
Read full storyPatriots blame lack of effort by refs on their team for Super Bowl loss
After narrowly losing to the Philadelphia Eagles in Super Bowl LLI the Patriots immediately took to the airwaves to decry their perceived culprit for the greatest upset in Super Bowl history. "Where is Alberto Riveron when you need him," Eric Rowe...
Read full storyBill Cosby, Although Blind, Returns to Touring
Cheltenham, Pennsylvania. Bill Cosby'held a press conference and announced that he would not let his blindness stop him from going on tour. After he thought the cameras were off, he ordered his staff around and belittled them in front of the reporter...
Read full storyWarner Bros. admits that DC Cinematic Universe is just "a big tax write off"
With pretty much every other reasonable explanation for the decisions made in producing movies based on DC Comics characters it appears that Warner Brothers is close to admitting that the whole series is basically a tax write off for the movie makers...
Read full storyMan starts artisan coat hanger business
Tarquin Smythe Brassington Heckingthump III from Chutney on the Fritz has launched his own artisan coat-hanging business. Heckingthump III told us, ‘From where I see it, a house overlooking the better part of the Thames, the times are just right f...
Read full storyBrady - Belichick Wife Swap Falls Through
BILLINGSGATE POST: Today, Slim Everdingle, spokesperson for the NFL, announced that the pending wife-swap between New England Patriots' Tom Brady and Coach Bill Belichick did not meet league rules governing such trades. Citing "technical difficul...
Read full storyStilt housing for the street bum ending homelessness
San Francisco, CA - Tubby Bozo, president and CEO of The Bozo Group, an apartment developer in California, announced to a group of reporters at his mansion today the end of homelessness. As previously reported at this link , apartments are expensi...
Read full storyChicago Blackhawks to Change Logo
According to reliable sources within the Blackhawks staff, they are thinking about getting a new logo - not because of the Blackhawk's use of the Native American Head but because of how they are playing this season and how many sponsors are pulling o...
Read full storyObama Portraits Are Sending Messages to Alpha Centauri
Two fringe groups and a deranged scientist are all claiming that the Obama's official White House portraits are being used to send messages to the next galaxy, possibly giving an all clear for an alien invasion. "Maybe that's not what is happening...
Read full storyWith a Little Help from Putίn
(With apologies to the Beatles, and with sympathy for Melania) What would you do if I screwed a porn star? Would you stand up and walk out on me? Lend me your eyes and I’ll tweet something wrong And I’ll try not to lie through my teeth. Oh, I get by with a little help from Putίn Mmm, I can lie with a little help from my friends Mmm, I’m going to try with a little help from Russians...
Read full storyCNN and Lawmakers: "We Should Ban all Cars;" We Need to do This!
According to CNN, "auto accidents kill too many, we need to ban cars and guns..." After another tragic shooting in our nation, CNN and others are pushing to ban all guns. A talk on gun control between two high school students after the fact was ca...
Read full storyTrump.com™ to issue Pre-Emptive Kremlin Pardons for 13 Indicted Russians Cyber Spies
Following the now accepted Presidential standard of offering Pardons for loyal party hacks who provide diffusion for the fake Russian investigation. The latest batch of lucky Pardonees are out of the starting box early. In fact the Pardons were ann...
Read full storyMueller investigation to star in new TV drama: “I found commies for the FBI”
In response to the Mueller investigation’s indictment of last Friday, Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein’s office has issued a series of NOT statements. Mr. Mueller’s indictment is: Not allegation that Americans were participants in the med...
Read full storyTrump Lawyer Known for Philanthropic Work Saving Women from Porn
Washington - Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, Michael Cohen, is well know in charity circles as a crusader for helping to rescue misguided women from a degrading life in the pornography business. This often involves the payment of large sums of mon...
Read full storyYo-Jong Takes Down Pence James Bond Style At Olympics.
North Koreans Score a Victory The Olympic Committee Didn't See Coming- Chances like this didn't come very often. Especially in cash poor, politically isolated North Korea. The plan to overlook political differences and cash in on the once in a...
Read full storyFrugal Penthouse Playboy Has Trouble Finding Quality Mistress
To his dismay, penthouse playboy Earl Cook says that he's encountered unexpected difficulties in finding a quality mistress due to his intense aversion to spending money on anyone other than himself. An impressive example of pull-yourself-up-by-yo...
Read full storyIn America All Politicians Know How To Put On The Sad Face When They Offer Their "Thoughts And Prayers" After A Mass Shooting.
The long overused but handy expression used by countless soulless politicians and supposed sympathizers when trying to gloss over a tragedy so that they could get back to their money making and power grabbing duties has run its course. The public at...
Read full storyTrump’s Good Friend Pecker Nixes Enquirer Playmate Affair Story
Washington - According to David Pecker, owner of the most trusted and accurate news magazine in the country, National Enquirer, the recent story of an alleged affair between Donald Trump and Playboy Playmate Karen McDougal is "not credible". This ex...
Read full storyShocking Estimate of 2018 Voter Turnout
Friday, the C.I.A. released a preliminary report outlining the anticipated voter turnout in the 2018 US mid-term elections and the impact of Russian interference. CIA Director Mike Pompeo told this reporter, “All indications reflect the Russian tu...
Read full storyMelania To Gorilla Glue Donald's Package To Bed Frame
BILLINGSGATE POST: If stuff like this can be fabricated, then Fake News has to be taken seriously. From an exclusive interview appearing in today's edition of the Slovenia Times, it is reported that Melania Trump has decided to do something ab...
Read full storyHatch Hatches Plan
Senior Utah Republican Senator Orrin Hatch spoke to NBC News correspondent Frank Thorp Wednesday, saying he would prefer for FBI confirmed domestic abusing White House Staff Secretary Rob Porter not to resign, but instead to just “work his way throug...
Read full storyKim Jong-Un Will Host Post-Olympics Banquet in North Korea
Seoul, South Korea Kim Jong-Un, dictator of North Korea, has taken the opportunity to take advantage of the comradie of the Winter Olympics. His representatives announced that a huge banquet will be served to celebrate the kinship of the Two Koreas.
Read full storySweet revenge for lions; I bet his name wasn't Daniel God said?
Now in our cynical world of satirical spoofing this story is a gem, and to be honest, I do not give a shit about the idiot who has more than lightly slaughtered elephants for their tusks, rhinos for their horns, and smuggled baby monkeys out of Afric...
Read full storySir John Falstaff Society steps forward on Assange case
Yesterday UK Judge Emma Arbuthnot upheld the arrest warrant on Julian Assange. “I am not persuaded the warrant should be withdrawn,” she said. In response, England’s Sir John Falstaff Society has held a news conference. Mr. Assange was ar...
Read full storyL. Ron Clubcard Returns to Earth from Target Two
Clearwater, FL L. Ron Clubcard, famed Sci-Fi Writer and cult founder, has fulfilled his promise to return to Earth.He gave his first interview and answered all the questions about why he was back, was he going to write more long-winded science fictio...
Read full storyVice President Pence’s encounter with Kim Yo Jung remains on high alert
Mystery continues to surround Mr. Pence’s relationship with Ms. Kim (although Mrs. Pence objects to the term “relationship.”) Analysts suggest the root of the problem lies in both parties being lodged at the same quarters, The Fourview Hotel in Py...
Read full storyHospitals to NOT heat-sanitize plumbing drains to avoid super-bug breeding
Bethesda, Maryland - The National Institute of Health has found out how super-bugs are created by hospitals. It’s very simple. Sick people’s bodily fluids are sent down plumbing drains where they meet up with anti-biotics. All the non-super germs ar...
Read full storyDonald Trump’s Award for Clearest desk won by Ivan BeendoingNothing
A man with a comedy Russian name has won Donald Trump's latest award, Cleanest Desk. This followed on from a picture on Twitter that showed Trump with a completely clear desk. The leader of the free world, and the champion of the under-represented...
Read full storyValerie Thighborg claims Julian Assange has disappeared from the embassy
Last night former assistant prosecutor from Sweden, Ms. Valerie Thighborg, arrived in London to once again visit with Mr. Assange. This week Judge Arbuthnot ruled Mr. Assange’s legal situation must remain unchanged. No longer with the prosecuto...
Read full storyIntell departments and reps step forward to claim FISA memo = “nothing burger”
Dry bun, stale, no mayonaisse, no sauces, no sesame seeds, no bacon, no cheese, no onion, no pickle, and one thin slice of meat. This = the resounding judgment on the FISA memo released today. Senator McCain has joined in. This burger is so “no...
Read full storyNRA Demands Funding Cuts to Mental Hospitals
In a televised appearance Friday morning, NRA spokestwit Dick Shuter demanded that the U.S. federal and state governments immediately stop funding psychiatric facilities across the country, and also stop supplying mental patients with free anti-psych...
Read full storyMueller discovered as King Lear in Off-Broadway production
Following recent indictment of the 13 trolls, Special Counsel Robert Mueller has emerged at the center of another controversy. Talk of “the need for a second special counsel” is all over the MSM networks. Update: The Trump-Putin collusion case...
Read full storyPresident Bone Spurs to Save Children from Active Shooters
Washington, D.C. - In the aftermath of yet another mass shooting, President Donald Trump, nicknamed President Bone Spurs (B.S. for short), has pledged that if he is near a school with an active shooter, he will personally walk in to save the student...
Read full storyTrump's Twitter Feed Gains Sentience
President Donald Trump's twitter feed has, according to those in the know in the scientific community has gained sentience, able to have its own thoughts, feelings and moods, as a separate entity to Trump. 'This changes everything' said Dr Chutney...
Read full storyTrump Will Send Video of Answers to Mueller's Questions-The Ones Trump THINKS He Should Ask
Washington, DC Republicans got Donald Trump to agree not to personally testify before Mueller. Knowing Trump's propensity to say the wrong thing, Republicans convinced Trump that he can put his best foot forward in a video, without having to actually...
Read full storyEden Cut Electric Power Rates 10%... Or Did It?
The Public Utilities Commissioner looked pleased as he prepared to announce the long-anticipated reduction in Eden's electric rates. His audience, mostly utility officials, eagerly awaited word that deregulation had arrived. Scattered among t...
Read full storyGerman witches cook their soup with human limbs!
The medieval practice of burning witches on the steak (I know how to spell the real one, but I wrote it like this to annoy vegans!), drowning them in the local well, or hanging them outside of castle walls in cages to be pecked alive by blackbirds is...
Read full storyTrump Executes Orders
The Wired Street Urinal REPORTER: KR SCHWARTZ FEBRUARY 7th 2018 This morning, President Trump utilized his “executive time;” normally spent watching “Fox & Friends,” firing off tweets recommended by Sean Hannity or watching “Roadrunner” cart...
Read full storyPresident decries use of "Truth porn" in efforts to tarnish his presidency
In his latest attack on the media, president trump has accused the Associated Press of "resorting to the use of truth porn" in their attacks on his presidential integrity. Although, "fake news" is still a very popular phrase commonly used by the pre...
Read full storyBrit 83 year-old lollipop man told to keep his sticky fingers to himself!
Lollipop men and women are fundamental for the safety of UK children crossing roads in front of their schools, but one lollipop man got his fingers stuck in the candy too far and was sacked! The gentleman, a popular figure outside school, loved hi...
Read full storyThe UK in 2050, post-Brexit
Berlin, 2050. My name is Herman Boring, German ambassador to the Britons. I recently returned from a mission to that remote island, and I was shocked at what I found. It was my task to try to re-establish contact with the people there after many years of self-imposed isolation. I had expected to see six-toed mutants and incestuous half-breeds living in a backward post-apocalyptic civilization,...
Read full storyEd Sherine sentenced to 5 years in an Egyptian prison for saying; "The Thames is cleaner than the Nile!"
Singer, songwriter, Ed Sherine (no relation) has got himself / herself into hot water in Egypt after claiming the Nile is not cleaner than the Thames because hippopotamus live in the mud there and not in the Thames! Ed even wrote a river song abou...
Read full storyWinter Olympics roundup
It's been non-stop excitement in South Korea as the Winter Olympics have gotten underway. Andorra have topped the medal table - as always - thanks to their entire population of snow-loving mountain inhabitants. The Winter Olympics was invented by an...
Read full storySong and Dance Ensemble plus Chorale respond to Representative Nunes FISA memo
Following release of the FISA memo last Friday, the investigative arms of the American Government are reported aghast. Agents of the FBI and DOJ were observed reeling toward the locker room over the weekend. Additionally, MSM members as with Th...
Read full storyThe Saga of Slim Everdingle: American Hero
BILLINGSGATE POST: The saga of Slim Everdingle began with a bang, not a whimper. In the maternity ward of the only hospital in Beaver Crossing, Nebraska, a star was born to Minerva and Never Everdingle. He came out of the womb as wild and slim as...
Read full storyTrump Has Indicated His Desire to Take His Military Parade Across the U.S.
Mar-A-Lago, FL Sarah Huckabee Sanders announced for Donald Trump today that President Trump has begun planning a military parade to go across the United States. She said that the President wants to go with it from town to town, and speak in aircraft...
Read full storyHow did that Priest become a Detective?
Idiot Wayne Badger, who famously bankrupted himself by buying a rare £200,000 Rolex rather than a house has asked how Father Dougal from factual documentary Father Ted is now a highly regarded, and charming detective in the documentary Death in Parad...
Read full storyMultitude of reporters, journalists and TV personalities send thoughts and prayers
Thoughts and prayers have been shared by several high profile TV personalities and journalists in an attempt to prevent any potential future diabolical act of mass violence. "To the victims of the next tragedy please accept my thoughts and prayers...
Read full storyChuckle Brothers "breaking" out to pursue serious drama role
"Typecast" children's entertainers Barry and Paul Chuckle are seeking to break new markets as they announce their intent to star in a new British remake of the hit cult US show Breaking Bad. The pair, who were thought to be enjoying their retireme...
Read full story85 year-old Brit pensioner blames fruit tea for losing her teeth!
After 85 years on the planet and sipping diverse teas for most of the time, an 85 year-old Brit pensioner has now found out why her teeth are in the jar and not in her mouth! Scientists have issued a study claiming acidic teas, and other terrible...
Read full storyTeresa May's Magic Moneytree has a fungal infection
British Prime Minister Teresa May's famed magical money tree is slowly dying from a fungal infection, reveals revered gardening expert and thinking woman's Poldark Alan Titchmarsh. The tree, which has been mentioned a few times is only really used...
Read full storyArsene Wenger signs new 25-year contract and plans 'Le Canard Mort' on retirement
The Arsenal manager, Arsene Wenger, yesterday renewed his contract with the club for a further 25 years, taking him through to 2043 when he will be 94. Sipping Beaujolais Nouveau through a straw, his red and white Zimmer frame tucked away in the corn...
Read full storyNAR Head Calls for Arming Kids
At their convention yesterday, the head of a politically powerful gun owners organization told a cheering crowd that "It's time to arm the kids." Henry Toulouse LaPere, president and CEO of the National Assault Riflemen [ NAR ], responded to an incr...
Read full storyBrit boozer goes on world's longest pub crawl; BURP!
Travel Channel's 'Booze Traveler' has nothing on this lover of anything alcoholic; a Brit Boozer called, Ben Le-Burper (name changed for legal reasons), determined to find the most northern and southern boozing waterholes on the planet, started crawl...
Read full storyHull Man Has To Do Without Toast After He Runs Out Of Bread
An Englishman living in the Cambodian city of Battambang has told how he had to go without toast for his breakfast this morning after he ran out of bread, and forgot to buy some more from the supermarket. Moys Kenwood, 54, originally from Hull in...
Read full storyCommons shock: Rees-Mogg and Diane Abbot elope
There was more room in the House of Commons today. Two of its best known actors, Jacob Rees-Mogg and Diane Abbot, announced they had eloped, and would return next week. Journalists tracked them down to Mudford Sock in Somerset, where the couple ar...
Read full storyPredictive Text Ruins Valentine's Day
The first Valentine day for any new couple should always be special, but it was spoilt for Gary Johnson and Isabel Smith by predictive text. 'It was going to be really special. I had put together a really nice meal, bought Isabel's favourite wines...
Read full storyAs if Brexit confusion wasn't enough now the weather gods are creating a UK crisis!
After browsing through the UK headlines looking for a bit of stupidity to have a laugh about, mega-spoofer, Jaggedone, came across these two gems in one "superstar" tabloid printed next to each other on the same page telling confused, mesmerized Brit...
Read full storyMan who read all of Fire and Fury still suffering from headaches
Shane Whotsit, from Chutney on the Fritz who read all of Michael Wolff's despised political tome Fire and Fury - Inside Trump's White House for a bet. He still has headaches one month after finishing it. "Yes, I bet my cousin Nathan that I coul...
Read full storyDeranged
This is a poem about going mad. Possibly about having already gone mad. I thought it up whilst on a bus, stuck in traffic in Bangkok. That city may have been a contributory factor in my downward spiral. Life, like the heat, is intense there, and an extended period of intensity can have an extraordinary effect on someone, particularly someone who spends a long time in isolation, away from anyon...
Read full storyMan Disappointed by the lack of Josh Widdicombe on Televison
Jason Johnson, a recent divorcee too old for nightclubs, has revealed his regret that there is just not enough Josh Widdicombe on television these days. Josh, famed for his comedy appearances on panel shows, and his serious look at the worlds of M...
Read full storyTrump And Mueller Seen At Kareoke Bar Singing Together
BILLINGSGATE POST: During this morning's White House briefing, Sarah Huckabee Sanders confirmed the rumor that the President and Robert Mueller were seen together at Little Miss Whiskey's Golden Dollar last night with their arms around each other's...
Read full storyThe Upside to an Empty Fountain Pen
... But I digress. You asked me to tell you about the ink well. I guess if anyone today can tell the story I'm the one. I wasn't here when it was erected, nor here when it disappeared. But for reasons you'll soon hear, the ink well probably means more to me than most anyone else still around. So here's my story about the ink well. The ink "fountain," as some back then called it, was not a fount...
Read full storyTeresa May to Change her name
Following a series of arguments with naysayers, British Prime Minister Teresa May is set to change her name to Teresa Not On Your Nelly. Famously wishy-washy, and liable to go with the consensus, like Donald Trump, Teresa May has found herself in...
Read full storyMan who voted Brexit still disappointed
Nathan Whotsit, from Chutney on the Fritz has said that he only voted for Brexit, so it would mean that his wife of 15 years could not put them through the horror of Eurovision, ever again. 'Imagine my surprise' said the incredulous man 'when I re...
Read full storyFormer Duchess Sarah Ferguson Will Be Given Wedding Invitation to Harry's Wedding if She Promises to Stop Tweeting
Buckingam Palace The former wife of Prince Andrew, Sarah Ferguson, signed an agreement today with Buckingham Palace regarding the conditions she agrees to follow if allowed to attend royal weddings. The first point was that Sarah must avoid Prince...
Read full storyLabour voter disappointed to learn that Jacob Rees Mogg is more popular with the ladies than he is
A Labour supporter who has been single for five years is disappointed to learn that Jacob Rees Mogg is popular with the ladies than he is. Gary Johnson of Chutney on the Fritz has been largely single for five years, apart from a few forgettable fi...
Read full storySaint Valentine not popular, says Saint Kevin
Saint Kevin, patron saint of scissor makers has claimed that despite his reputation for lovers, Saint Valentine was never popular with anyone. Speaking to Vatican Matters,the magazine of record for all Saintly issues, Kevin said 'Valentine was alw...
Read full storyNRA Puts Flag At Half Mast For AR-15 Cut In Half By Gun Owner
In a sense of tragic loss and deep empathy, NRA Headquarters and local affiliate branches have lowered their flags to half mast in honor of an AR-15 assault rifle that was horrifyingly cut in half and destroyed by its owner. Scott Pappalardo, disg...
Read full storyMan Shocked by number of repeats
Quentin Bedale Posh-Gob III has revealed, that like most of us, he is shocked by the number of repeats on Television. Quentin told us: 'There I was indoors, just polishing and cleaning my space-hopper, with oil all over the floor, when I suddenly...
Read full storyCheap airlines now controlling 10 kg suitcases for smuggled children!
Britain and Ireland's cheap airlines (you know who they are!) are commencing with even more stringent controls of 10 kg suitcases that millions of their passengers drag behind them after a suitcase was used to smuggle a boy from Africa to Spain! P...
Read full storyPlease stop the Spice Girls reforming, says desperate man
The Spice Girls are to reform, but that does not fill one man with complete and unbridled joy. Mr Dennis, from Chutney on the Fritz said, 'When the Spice Girls were around the first time, I had a dreadful time of it. I was spotty, picked last for...
Read full storySpace Hoppers to make a come-back
Following the reformation of both Banarama, and The Spice Girls, another out-dated relic from the youth of many of our loyal readers is set to make a comeback, with the relaunch of the humble Space Hopper. The re-inforced balloon with two handles,...
Read full storyKajagoogoo reveal fears about economic effects of Brexit
80s band Kajagoogoo have released their long-awaited assessment on the economic effects of Brexit, and how it will affect the band. The report was written by a set of academic experts and lead singer Limahl. The report concludes that Kajagoogoo w...
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