Written by That Guy

Tuesday, 27 February 2018

image for CNN and Lawmakers: "We Should Ban all Cars;" We Need to do This!
Former Presidential Candidate Hillary Clinton demonstrates how far an incident of car violence can launch a car.

According to CNN, "auto accidents kill too many, we need to ban cars and guns..."

After another tragic shooting in our nation, CNN and others are pushing to ban all guns. A talk on gun control between two high school students after the fact was caught on video subsequently gained viral status.

The video of the argument between two students on the topic of gun control left a liberal student obliterated in the debate. Faced with the fact that an exponentially higher number of people die of auto accidents every year than from gun violence, the student conceded the argument.

Having seen the video himself, Anderson Cooper, head anchor of CNN said that: "the student brought up some good points about how car manufacturers are responsible for so this many murders and are allowed to get away with it. This is why we as Americans need to step up to the plate and help prevent mass car accidents."

In response to this, Lawmakers in D.C. proposed a bill that would ban the production, distribution, and registration of new cars. California Senator Buddy McTickles said, "It's really convenient for us that the constitution isn't in the way of this one. There isn't an amendment that ensures the right of the people to own cars."

Senator McTickles also said that: "The rate of car-accident-related deaths are significantly lower in countries that don't have cars. Since we are experiencing too many teen-deaths related to car accidents, we are responsible for protecting our kids."

Today, companies like Ford, Chevy, and Nissan were under fire from mainstream media for how many "murders" they have been able to "get away with" in the past years. According MSU, 40,000 people a year are killed by cars and manufacturers continue to make them and sell them even though they're causing so many deaths. If not ban all cars, we need to have extensive background checks and psychiatric evaluations for anyone wanting to buy a car in the US.

Car Violence continues to be a problem, 67% of all car violence happens because of teenagers. This is why we need to raise the legal age to drive from 16 years old to 21 years old. "it only makes sense," said one individual, "It's smart to try and reduce the amount of cars, it will reduce car violence."

What will YOU do to protect YOUR family???

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!





Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
39 readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more