Written by Dr. Billingsgate

Friday, 16 February 2018

image for Melania To Gorilla Glue Donald's Package To Bed Frame
Trump

BILLINGSGATE POST: If stuff like this can be fabricated, then Fake News has to be taken seriously.

From an exclusive interview appearing in today's edition of the Slovenia Times, it is reported that Melania Trump has decided to do something about her husband's philandering. With new revelations of his extra-marital romps with porn stars and Playboy Bunnies hitting the headlines almost on a daily basis, she has finally put her python skin shoe down.

These very expensive shoes from the French designer Christian Louboutin have been in the headlines before. The Slovenian former-model was harshly criticized for wearing the shoes to visit Texas with the President after the state was devastated by Hurricane Harvey. Because pythons are cherished by snake lovers who get off watching them swallow live gerbils, she has never been forgiven by them. They claimed Melania's heel habit was insensitive, and she received a barrage of criticism for wearing the shoes that retail for around $1400.

But back to the subject: The proud women of Slovenia used to, but today have little problem with wandering husbands. To put this into context; before Gorilla Glue was invented by Mark Singer in 1994. It was first used in Indonesia to make teak furniture. Quite by accident, one of the men assembling a teak bed frame (he was naked at the time) inadvertently glued his testicles to the bed frame and was unable to detach himself. For days he stumbled around his village so encumbered. Word of this miracle spread like wild fire.

In Slovenia, which had a philandering problem similar to that of Hollywood, the glue was first imported for this use in 1999. Packaging information specified that the Gorilla Glue was only to be used sparingly, and to be applied to the man's package and the bed frame surreptitiously in the wee hours of the morning, before one's husband pole vaulted out of bed to seek the chambermaid's pleasures.

Noting that the fruit doesn't fall far from the tree, especially when attached by Gorilla Glue, the Slovenian Times predicts that Melania will have no problems in the future with the Trumpster.

NOTE: This story was compiled from sources known for their elasticity, if not for their veracity.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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