Hatch Hatches Plan

Funny story written by KRS

Friday, 9 February 2018

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White House SOP

Senior Utah Republican Senator Orrin Hatch spoke to NBC News correspondent Frank Thorp Wednesday, saying he would prefer for FBI confirmed domestic abusing White House Staff Secretary Rob Porter not to resign, but instead to just “work his way through and do what’s right.”

Thorp also asked Hatch whether he would employ Porter if the allegations are true, and Hatch refused to answer. “He worked for me and he did a tremendous job,”

Hatch said. “If I could find more people like him I would hire them, I think that’s how good he is. And he’s basically a good person.”

Hatch's adulation follows White House Chief-of-Staff John Kelley's praise of Porter as an honorable man of high integrity, although a photograph surfaced depicting Porter's former wife with a black eye.

President Trump was considering honoring Porter as "Employee of the Week," but the ceremony was delayed as Porter was clearing out his office and filing for unemployment. It is worth noting the unemployment rolls in the District of Columbia have soared since Trump' s inauguration.

In related news,Senator Hatch has been scanning the Utah roster of males convicted of domestic spousal abuse, to augment his personal staff in Washington.

Senator Hatch told this reporter, "These are fine men being scapegoated in a climate of unbridled political correctness. Are we to accept the notion that wives and girlfriends are above the law and exempt from discipline? The Bible is very clear on this and the answer is a resounding and emphatic no! These men have demonstrated responsibility by attending numerous court hearings and honorably accepted a verdict administered by some tight-ass Democrat in a robe. Jesus teaches us to turn the other cheek and that applies to wives and girlfriends. Glass houses and stones... I want honorable and responsible people on my team, so if your resume has a conviction for domestic abuse on it, I urge you to apply to my office."

When Hatch was asked exactly what he meant when he said Porter "should do what is right," Hatch replied, " He should have someone form an offshore corporation to funnel a couple hundred thousand dollars to these disobedient women to publicly retract their slanderous and ungrateful remarks. They should be forgiven too."

The Wired Street Urinal
February 9th 2018

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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